The past couple of months it seems to be a case of if I don't cook, we don't eat. E.g I'll cook dinner 5 days in a row then the next day if I don't dp will just say he can't be bothered to cook as he isnt hungry.(this basically means, he wants to play Xbox all night) Fair enough but it really annoys me, I cook dinner when I'm not particularly hungry because I know dp will be? It seems really rude to me but maybe it isn't? He's always "starving" when ita me cooking, but when he senses it might be his turn he's suddenly not bothered. He used to do it every other night so not like he's incapable or anything.
So you tell him you need to go back to an every other night rota. If he mentions not being hungry himself, remind him that the rota doesn't work like that and surely he wants to make sure you're well fed too.
Tip of the iceburg-ish. He helps with housework but washing wise he'll only do it when he needs clothes and maybe put some of ds's in too but never does it if he doesn't need any done. Currently he's in bed in a strop because last night I decided not to get up when DS was shouting and to wait for him to stop pretending to be asleep (I've done it every night for a month, DS settles back quickly but once I've got up I can't get back to sleep for hours if at all) and he started getting in a strop saying "ffs why do I have to fucking do it"
How does he usually respond to frank conversations? I'd be inclined in the first instance to tell him that getting up with DS should be taken in turns. I'd also either agree a rota for laundry or simply let him do his own, dumping any of his dirty stuff next to his side of the bed if he leaves it lying about. And for cooking I'd either agree a rota or play it his way...I wouldn't cook if I didn't fancy eating either and days where you both fancy eating should be taken in turns. If he refuses, only ever cook for you and DC.
Is this person you're with really a manchild?. He sounds awfully like one and such people do not change, they simply want some woman to look after them. Other people's needs and wants do not figure at all in the manchild's vocuabulary.
I was going to say just cook for yourself and leave him to it, the arsehole, but then saw that you have a child. So on the nights he's "not hungry" wtf does he think about your son being fed? Is it a case of he's not hungry so your ds can just suffer on?
With regards to the cooking, go back to an every other night rota. If he's done it in the past, he can do it again. Tell him if he's "not hungry" he still needs to cook for you and DS, even if he doesn't eat. I bet you he finds his appetite again!
The middle of the night thing, I assume he was just tired and couldn't be arsed to get up. Not that the swearing is ideal, but haven't most parents had a "oh for fucks sake!" moment when they're woken in the middle of the night?! I don't know why he's still in a strop the next day, though
I don't think he sounds awful, just lazy and a bit thoughtless. I would (childishly, perhaps) stop doing his laundry. As he doesn't do yours, tell him you assumed that's how it was going to be from now on. Wash yours and DS's, and if he moans at having no clean socks, simply say "did you wash any? No? That would be why then."
I don't think this is anything that can't be sorted out, though.