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To not want to go to her birthday anymore?

(223 Posts)
toastandbutterandjam Wed 10-Feb-16 10:23:01

It was one of my best friends birthdays recently and we are all going out at the weekend to celebrate. She invited me way back before christmas and has recently invited everyone else.

There are about 27 of us going (including me and her). I know nobody else going. We are going for a meal. I asked her where we were going when she invited me and she said she hadn't decided yet. After speaking to the other 25 people, they have decided to go for pizza. My friends know I don't like pizza but I said I will go and have pasta or something similar but she said "there are no pasta meals on the menu, just Pizza. You can order a starter and just eat that." I'm fine with that because it's her birthday, so she can eat where she wants.

I met up with her last week and she said they are going for drinks before and after the meal. I haven't been invited to the pre/post drinks. She said "Oh, can't wait for my birthday,me and (listed other 25 names) are going for pre drinks, will meet you at the restaurant, eat and then me and (listed other 25 names) are going for drinks again after you go home. Don't stay too long will you. When we've eaten the meal, you can go. I'm not coming home with you either because i've planned to stay at (persons) house too, so you're on your own."
I am travelling for two hours to be at her birthday - She lives 2 roads from me (but is having her birthday out somewhere), so I assumed we would go together and travel home together. Me travelling by myself is no problem though.

I feel like such an idiot, travelling for two hours to pay to eat a bowl of potato wedges (or something similar) and then going home again. I will be travelling for four hours in total (two hours each way). I don't drive, so there's no issue with me not being able to drink and I have no reason to be home by a certain time/no kids to look after the next day. I am not one to get drunk anyway, so I probably would have had one or two drinks and then had soft drinks the rest of the evening - she will get drunk so I would have stayed sober so I can help her home etc.

I asked her about it and the friends house she is staying at is literally round the corner from where we both live as well. Her and this friend will both be getting drunk so I said "will you both be okay coming home?" and she went "Yeah, the pre and post drinks are gonna be a right laugh, shame you're not coming, isn't it?"
I am really quite hurt by this (i'm feeling quite sensitive at the momentsad because i've had lots going on and have been struggling to cope - she is aware of this). She is one of my close friends and some of the people coming to her birthday are not people she really likes, they are coming to keep the numbers up - she has said this to me.
I am thinking about not going. I told her that and she just went "WOW! you ABU. Not coming because I haven't invited you to drinks. How shallow. I didn't invite you because we're all getting hammered and you'll just be sitting there like a loser on your own."

She is one of the few people I felt I could trust and now it feels like she doesn't even like me. I always go out of my way to help her out in any way I can. I'm not hurt over the drinks, i'm hurt because it seems like she doesn't want me there at all.

Am I being overly emotional for no reason?

MaxPepsi Wed 10-Feb-16 10:28:36

I see this said a lot on her,

But she is not your friend!

Ditch the night and ditch her. She sounds like a fair weather friend to me!


Flamingoblue1 Wed 10-Feb-16 10:29:56

So she's dictating what part of her birthday you're deemed good enough to attend? Stuck up cow don't go!

FetchezLaVache Wed 10-Feb-16 10:30:35

I feel really quite angry on your behalf that you, and you alone, have been so specifically excluded from the pre and post drinks! I wouldn't go.

BlueFolly Wed 10-Feb-16 10:31:10

It sounds like she doesn't like you very much.

Littlecaf Wed 10-Feb-16 10:31:16

Have you given her a reason for not wanting to go to the drinks part? Perhaps you just need to calmly ask her or suggest you could come too?

It's best to talk to friends if there's a misunderstanding rather than feel hurt & upset.

FetchezLaVache Wed 10-Feb-16 10:31:35

Oh hang on, I didn't see the bit about calling you a loser! Don't go, and ditch her. She is not, as MaxPepsi said, your friend.

whois Wed 10-Feb-16 10:32:22

WTF she won't let you go to the pre drinks of stay for drinks after "don't stay too long" Oh no worries, I won't stay too long. Don't think I'll stay at all now actually.

LordEmsworth Wed 10-Feb-16 10:33:44

What birthday is it, her 13th?

Echoing: she is not your friend.

MangoBiscuit Wed 10-Feb-16 10:36:40

Wow, not only would I not being to her birthday piss up meal, but I'd be telling her to fuck the fuck off too. What a cow.

SaucyJack Wed 10-Feb-16 10:36:51

If someone else had posted this OP..... what would you be thinking right now.

There needs to be one helluva backstory for this to be OK. Come on, woman up- you know what to do.

MaidOfStars Wed 10-Feb-16 10:37:08

It's easy to say but I don't understand how you didn't tell her to 'Fuck off' and then walk away.

She's a spiteful horror and you are not unreasonable to feel upset. You are unreasonable to waste emotion on her though - she couldn't have been clearer about how little she wants to be your friend.

Fuck her off.

HicDraconis Wed 10-Feb-16 10:37:23

It probably feels like she doesn't like you - it certainly sounds like she doesn't! She's not being much of a friend to you is she? I wouldn't go either. I quite like whois's response - "don't worry, won't be staying long - won't be staying at all!" Can never think of things like that on the fly 😄

Pseudo341 Wed 10-Feb-16 10:37:31

She is not your friend, friend's don't treat each other like that. She sounds like a complete bitch to be honest, you're well rid of her. Sorry you've having such a crap time.

WhenTheDragonsCame Wed 10-Feb-16 10:37:40

I am actually quite shocked that she said those things to you.

"Yeah, the pre and post drinks are gonna be a right laugh, shame you're not coming, isn't it?"

That is such a horrible thing to say to someone when the only reason they aren't coming is because they haven't been invited.

You can do so much better than this. You deserve so much better than this.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Wed 10-Feb-16 10:39:08

What a BITCH! Don't go! Go out with nicer people or do.spmethomg you love like a hobby or get all your favourite dvds, favourite food and drink and stay in do your nails, colour in, read magazines or whatever you enjoy and be happy. You don't need people like that in your life! flowers

WhenTheDragonsCame Wed 10-Feb-16 10:39:20

Oh and there isn't a cat in hells chance I would be going anywhere her birthday party or her after that!

acasualobserver Wed 10-Feb-16 10:39:55

Don't stay too long will you. When we've eaten the meal, you can go

Good God! Dump her ... with extreme prejudice.

LagunaBubbles Wed 10-Feb-16 10:40:53

WOW! you ABU. Not coming because I haven't invited you to drinks. How shallow. I didn't invite you because we're all getting hammered and you'll just be sitting there like a loser on your own.

OMG, this isnt the way a friend treats another friend, no way! How hurtful.

CocktailQueen Wed 10-Feb-16 10:41:57

Do people really act like this??? How old is she?

Agree with the others, OP, she is no friend. She's acting horribly. What a bitch.

thetemptationofchocolate Wed 10-Feb-16 10:42:01

YANBU. Ditch her quick!

voodoolooloo Wed 10-Feb-16 10:42:17

She's not your friend. She's a dick head.
Please don't go. Don't make excuses though tell her why ( all the reasons listed above!). You don't need people like that in your life.

MidniteScribbler Wed 10-Feb-16 10:43:18

This person is not your friend. Treat her with the exact same level of respect that she treats you.

toastandbutterandjam Wed 10-Feb-16 10:43:29

Littlecaf I spoke to her about why I haven't been invited and she said

"I didn't invite you because we're all getting hammered and you'll just be sitting there like a loser on your own."

BlueFolly It does sound like she doesn't like me but I have no idea why. She told me yesterday she hates it when people leave her out and reject herhmm I haven't done anything to her recently apart from go and collect her at 5am from somewhere because she went out and had no money to get home! We've been friends a very long time which was why I thought maybe I was being a bit overly sensitive but seems not.

RatherBeRiding Wed 10-Feb-16 10:43:58

She's supposed to be a "best friend"? Really??

Have you been "friends" long? Has she behaved like this [nasty spoiled bitch] before?

I would be re-evaluating my friendship with her, to be honest. She doesn't sound like a nice person, and it certainly doesn't sound as though she values your friendship.

I really wouldn't bother going, and I wouldn't bother giving an explanation. I would also be distancing myself from her in future.

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