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need to spill (possibly triggering)

(6 Posts)
kuriousoranj Tue 09-Feb-16 19:48:07

I am struggling and I just need to spill this somewhere.

I was walking home last night after having a couple of drinks with my friend in the pub and a car pulled up alongside me. The man in the car said ‘I wonder if I could take a picture of you for my blog about people who live in xxxxx?’

I said ‘okay. So take a picture then’. I don't know where my brain was at this point, he was so casual and polite my first impulse was to be helpful.

Then he said ‘ do you want to earn some money. It's legit.’ And showed me a wodge of cash. Then he said ‘can we go somewhere to take the pictures?’. At this point my brain finally kicked in and I told him to fuck off.

And walked off.

He drove a little way in front and stopped again:

'I promise you it's legit it's for a blog, you can earn some money’

‘fuck off’

I sped up.

He didn't drive away.

I was panicking at this point I didn’t want to use my phone because I was scared and I thought that he was watching me.

I was only 5 mins from home.

I got home safe. I reported via 101. This morning the police rang to say they think they have CCTV footage. It seems kind of insignificant written down. But I cant shake the fear.

I was raped in the past and was sexually abused as a child and obviously this is triggering. I just can't stop feeling frightened. I keep imagining that he is out there preying on someone vulnerable. I feel so bad that I didn't get the registration. And also that I reacted so stupidly at first.

Newname36 Tue 09-Feb-16 20:17:54

God, that's really shocking. Don't blame yourself, you are completely innocent. I probably would have been the same /'polite etc as it's just bred into you, isn't it.

Hope you're ok now flowers

mum2mum99 Tue 09-Feb-16 20:39:09

The fear you may have felt yesterday might have tapped into past stuff.
You really need to take it easy and give yourself some self-compassion. You acted like a decent human being. It is over and you are safe now.
Have you had counselling for your past abuse?

kuriousoranj Tue 09-Feb-16 20:44:38

yes, i see a counsellor about it now. I have had a bath and a cup of tea. I am calming down now. I will talk to my counsellor about it next week. Thanks you both.

Newname36 Tue 09-Feb-16 22:07:23

Glad you're feeling better. Take it easy OP.

TheGirlWhoWasntThere Tue 09-Feb-16 22:26:48

Please don't blame yourself. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
I hope you are OK.

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