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Advice please, unsure if I'm just overreacting

(45 Posts)
Katiejane88 Mon 08-Feb-16 21:16:42

Hi I'm just looking for some advice, our DC was born 18 month ago. Since dc was born we have not been good, I feel like I was unsupported emotionally after the birth. During the birth etc dh was fantastic and really really helped me but then I was in hospital for 9 days, I was awake every hour our dc was in special care I had to go down and feed and comfort also I had to go down to help with injections etc. dh stayed with me at hospital but moaned constantly that he was getting no sleep.... He was going off during the day for hours and coming back he told me he had been for a wank!!!!! Last thing I really wanted to hear tbh?! I remember crying one day because I was tired and stressed in hospital he just ignored me. When we got home he was very hands on helping out etc and we started to get close again but then he started obsessively watching porn and stopped taking an interest in me. I even found him looking at sex workers. I told him that I couldn't cope with lack of sex etc and he promised to stop porn next day I took dc to hospital appointment I came home and he's in bed watching porn. He then said he would stop but still I've saw more and more whenever I go out the house. We only sleep together once a week now and it lasts seconds. We used to be really close but now not. We constantly argue and I tell him I'm unhappy and I don't want this but he just says he loves me and doesn't talk. Why does he stay if he knows how unhappy I am? I'm even on antidepressants because of this. I've saw deleted texts to friends and family when he's obviously been talking about me. I just don't understand him if I'm such a bad person and he has such a bad life why is he here????

pocketsaviour Mon 08-Feb-16 21:30:08

Because he's too much of a coward to end it sad He wants you to pull the plug so he doesn't look like the guy who walked out on his wife and baby.

I would get your ducks in a row now - see a solicitor, find out what you'd be entitled to in the event of a split, because it's coming I'm afraid - whether you pull the plug now or carry on accepting shit sex, shit communication and no support for a while until you find it's even harder to leave, or god forbid you have another child.

VulcanWoman Mon 08-Feb-16 21:38:19

What about going to counselling.

Katiejane88 Mon 08-Feb-16 21:40:45

I've discussed counselling, not really a thing he would do tbh. We wouldn't have anymore children, but I can't understand why he says he can't imagine his life without me etc etc if he makes me feel like this.

VulcanWoman Mon 08-Feb-16 21:47:15

The communication sounds bad between you both, I just thought the counsellor could help you with this. Best wishes.

Katiejane88 Mon 08-Feb-16 22:06:07

I try and try every day to talk and understand why this is but he just won't open up, keeps saying nothing's wrong

Christinayangstwistedsista Mon 08-Feb-16 22:09:16

Why is he still there? He uses porn behind d your back, looks at sex workers, lies to you and obviously has no respect for you or your relationship

Katiejane88 Mon 08-Feb-16 22:13:49

He won't leave? I've told him I want him to, he says I'm making his life unbearable but then says he loves me? I honestly don't understand?

AnyFucker Mon 08-Feb-16 22:15:10

Why is he still there ?

Because you haven't told him to fuck off yet. I suggest you get busy doing just that unless you see yourself a mug who keeps her mouth shut while her man plays away

Get an STI test....fuck knows where he has been.

Christinayangstwistedsista Mon 08-Feb-16 22:17:25

Pack his bags

Katiejane88 Mon 08-Feb-16 22:17:41

I have, I've had a few sti tests over the past year, he claims he's never set eyes on another woman.... I've honestly went mental and told him to fuck right off loads he won't go! He's always at work I never see him then when I do we argue

AnyFucker Mon 08-Feb-16 22:18:34

Then you leave and take your baby with you.

Christinayangstwistedsista Mon 08-Feb-16 22:19:38

Then go

Katiejane88 Mon 08-Feb-16 22:20:01

I haven't got anywhere to go I have dc from previous too, I have no money, family or anything so he has to go, why won't he just leave if I'm such a horrible wife?????

Christinayangstwistedsista Mon 08-Feb-16 22:21:47

Its not about you, he doesn't care whether you are a horrible wife or not, he has his own shit going on...Christ knows what exactly that is

Katiejane88 Mon 08-Feb-16 22:22:34

It's strange because we got married etc so I planned my life with him, why this? Why is he like this? And why has he pushed this? sick

Christinayangstwistedsista Mon 08-Feb-16 22:24:27

They are questions that you can't answer, the issue is that he is like that and you can't allow him to drag you down with him

AnyFucker Mon 08-Feb-16 22:25:50

Then see a solicitor and start divorce proceedings. You can get shut of him if you really want to. You won't be the first and definitely not the last.

Katiejane88 Mon 08-Feb-16 22:27:59

I just wish he would change its pathetic I know, the way he's blocked me out etc it's very unfair. He must be hiding something it's very strange!

Christinayangstwistedsista Mon 08-Feb-16 22:29:56

Well from his behaviour its not that difficult to work out what he is hiding

However, does it really matter, you can't trust him

Katiejane88 Mon 08-Feb-16 22:32:48

I'll never ever ever trust this man, he's a mystery why did I marry him? And he says I'm the one in the wrong am I just a mug? I'm so sick, my life has turned into one huge mess

Christinayangstwistedsista Mon 08-Feb-16 22:36:03

Things do happen in life, we make mistakes, we marry the wrong g person....all we can do is pick ourselves up and make sure we don't make the same mistake again

Katiejane88 Mon 08-Feb-16 22:37:05

I wish it was that easy, I've got no one, nothing, that's probably why he's here. Thinks I need him?

mumsonthelash Mon 08-Feb-16 22:38:24

He's hiding the fact he's obsessive about wanking porn and sex workers. Detach and see a solicitor. He has MH issues. Get rid.

Christinayangstwistedsista Mon 08-Feb-16 22:39:28

You have your kids and being g on your own is so much better than being g I'm a relationship like this, it will destroy you

There are some amazing threads on here of women who have faced some really awful situations with men but have pulled themselves out of it

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