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Please help me figure out how to cope & be more supportive

(2 Posts)
ChosenAtRandom Mon 08-Feb-16 18:23:26

I'm sorry in advance if this isn't the right place to post this - I did post it in mental health but haven't had a reply yet and I'm feeling more and more desperate and worried.

I've been with my partner for 9 years, he has struggled with depression at times throughout our relationship but right now it feels like everything has come to a head. This time he is talking about suicide - although saying he won't do it, but that he wants to. Over the relationship I have tried to encourage him to seek help - he did go to see a therapist for about 12 months about 5 years ago but says it did not help him.

He finally went to the GP this morning and has come back with some anti-depressants and advice to seek counselling. I feel pleased that he has finally gone to see someone, although I booked the appointment and made him go - I'm not sure if I did the right thing to push him to go, but I just felt I myself couldn't cope anymore with the situation. I feel that if I don't make the appointment for counselling and take him myself, then he won't go - I'm of course happy to do that for him, but is that going to help him if he isn't driving it?

I really want to support and help him, but I'm finding it a real struggle myself to cope with the situation. I don't want to burden him further with my problems but I just don't know what to do for the best. Everything I do seems to be wrong. He wants me to leave him alone but then he wants hugs, but then if I try to cuddle him at another point I am pushed away and snapped at. I can't speak to him, if I speak to him he often doesn't respond at all. I have tried leaving him alone and tried asking him how he'd like me to be (like leave him, cuddle him) etc and he doesn't know - just that whatever I'm doing at that time is not right. I don't know what to do. I feel lost and confused - we don't have any family close by for support so I want to do the right thing for us, but I just don't know what it is. It doesn't feel like there is an end in sight to this situation and I'm so overwhelmed with it.

If anyone has any advice for me, I would really appreciate it. I know it's selfish to think about myself instead of being able to support him naturally, but I really am trying my best - it's all I can do to get through each day at the moment without breaking down completely. I feel close to the edge of crumbling myself, like I'm trying to cope with life for the both of us and I am so tired.

Resilience16 Wed 10-Feb-16 06:32:05

Hi chosen, sorry to hear you are in this difficult situation . Well done to you for giving so much support to your partner, and for encouraging him to get medical help.
Try reading the book "Living with the Black Dog", as it really gives an insight into what living with depression is like , I found it useful.
Antidepressants take a few weeks to kick in, so don't expect an overnight mood change.Keep pushing for the counselling, but in some areas it can take some time to acces via the NHS. If your partner is working for a big company it may be they have their own employee assistance programme than he can access instead/as well as.
The MIND website is very good and easy to negotiate.
Samaritans can be accessed by you both if you need to talk 24/7. Your local council should have a mental health crisis team you can contact, particularly if your partner indicates he is feeling suicidal.
Be kind to yourself. You do have to try and get through this emotional minefield day by day.Hopefully some of the above will help you.
Hugs xx

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