Not my relationship but screaming neighbours

[ThisiswhatIwant]

Not sure whether this is the right board to post on (which one would be?) but can anyone advise me

I have neighbours on one side who on a regular basis (several times per week) scream at each other. By scream, I mean at the top of their lungs for half an hour at least on average.

They did this for example, at midnight on Christmas Eve, 6am on Christmas Day. They're doing it right now. I thought maybe it was just me but I've had people round to my house when they do it who look at me in shock horror, ask about it and say that's not normal.

Mine is the only house that is attached to theirs, but I know that other neighbours know about them, because I've had other neighbours bring up the topic with me and ask how I cope with it. Plus sometimes they do the screaming in the garden or at least with all the doors and windows open at the back, so you could hear at least a few gardens away.

I've never said anything to them or made a complaint about it to anyone, yet. I did once have a sort of loud, obvious conversation with a friend in my garden, when I knew they were just the other side of the fence, just after they'd had one of these rows, about it, hoping to shame them into at east toning it down a bit. They have tended to keep the doors etc closed now but I can still hear it all through the walls.

My state of mind hasn't been the best and this really hasn't helped. I moved in with DD as a baby, on my own and with no support, and it's been horrible hearing this so often, it sets my nerves on end. Now DD is 2 I'm worried that she will start to pick up on what they're doing (as a baby it occasionally made her cry/on edge but she hasn't noticed it a lot, so far thankfully). A few months ago when I was really not in a good way it made me really shaky when I heard it, and weirdly I began to shout at DD which I think was a result of the impact it had on me, I didn't mean to do that but that's how much effect it's had on me. I hate sitting in bed alone at night and hearing them start up, it makes me immediately upset and anxious.

The neighbours are about 50-60 I would say, because they have GC.

I'm not very good with people (due to my own emotional state) and would prefer not to approach them directly about it. Sometimes I think I should call the Police while it's happening, because I hear so much screaming and banging (I don't know whether they are throwing things, slamming doors or something). I'm in a rented place but can't move out at the moment due to not working and needing a stable place to be, with DD - and everything else about the house is kind of ok. It's a breach of the peace as far as I'm concerned, but do the Police want to be called out for domestics and does it ever do any good?

[Quoteunquote]

It sounds very wearing to live with, I would start by asking who ever deals with noise issues in your local area, and they may advice you ring the police next time if it sounds threatening or violent .

[BeautyQueenFromMars]

How well do you get on with them OP? Is there any chance you could just knock on their door and say you're not sure if they realised, but when they talk loudly (obviously don't say screaming!), you can hear them. It looks as though they realised they could be heard in the garden, after you had your loud conversation outside, and they have reduced their screaming outdoors, so maybe they don't know they can be heard so clearly?

Unless someone has already tried that, in which case do what Quoteunquote said.

[PamDooveOrangeJoof]

Could you try the council? Keep a noise diary and maybe try that way...

[Hissy]

Call the police! Why wouldn't you?

[hownottofuckup]

The police would expect to be called out to something like that at the time it was going on.
Domestics are, officially, taken very seriously and rightly so.
Call the police, every time. But it must be whilst it's happening.

[ImperialBlether]

I'd call the police each time. Is it one of them shouting more than the other? Does one person sound more aggressive?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

You need to speak to the police, bad things happen when good people stand by and do nothing.

Council environmental health dept will not take much if any notice of such a noise nuisance.

In answer to your question posed in your initial post, yes the police do want to be called out to such incidents and it would be beneficial to do so.

[PippaHotamus]

I think I would look at moving house because this isn't really a stable place with all that going on

and it will upset your dd, I imagine, and already has done.

They sound old enough to know better frankly - I'd talk to 101 and ask them if a local PCSO could call and speak to you about it. Then you can explain.

I feel so sorry for you, it sounds really horrible and upsetting.

If it were me I would have gone round during it and knocked on the door and asked them if they would mind not doing it, because it was upsetting my baby.

Then see if it stopped, and if not, think about moving.

[PippaHotamus]

And I'm not sure, but maybe they might stop under threat of an ASBO or something.

I am sure others will have complained to the police in the past if it's that widely known.

[DragonsCanHop]

Are the arguing as a couple or is one going for the other each and every time?

I would call the police

[pocketsaviour]

You can, and I have, called the police out for this.

In my case I had been hearing these screaming matches for about a couple of months, usually at bed time as they frequently woke me up.

One night over Xmas they also woke my DS when he was sleeping in my room and it really upset him as he thought the man was going to come through the wall and get him :( I could also hear smashing this time. So rang 999.

Police came within about 5 mins and after about 10 mins of quiet talk there was a sudden shout of rage from him, she screamed and I heard her run upstairs, there was shouting from the police and they ended up restraining him and taking him in. She left the next day and never came back. He ended up in court and I think found guilty of ABH or possibly common assault.

Really glad I did it because I think for her it was the realisation that not only could someone hear him abusing her but that the police arrested him, that it wasn't okay for someone to treat her like this.

[MoominPie22]

I would also start by calling the police, if you feel too anxious to confront them yourself. You could just say you´re genuinely worried that they´re being violent and for all you know somebody in there could be getting hurt.

There´s obv abuse going on anyway to some degree, and it´s certainly not normal. If there´s any repurcussions mind, after the police have called on them and maybe they suspect it´s you that called them and they confront you, that´s when you´re gonna have to be prepared to speak to them face to face and explain how their behaviour has been effecting you. So just be prepared for that.

But I´d be a nervous wreck too, in your position, and it´s worrying that it´s now starting to effect your state of mind and how you are with your child, not to mention the direct impact it will have on your child, having to listen to that row all the time. Nobody should have to put up with it!

If it were me I´d approach them 1st, not necessarily when they´re rowing though as that might add fuel to the fire. Then if there´s no change after you speak with them then ring the police, then you can legitimately say you tried and it made no difference.

But I appreciate if you´re of a nervous disposition you may wanna avoid that and go straight to the police. Nobody would blame you. If they don´t change then they´re nuisance neighbours and should be dealt with accordingly. The fact you have a little one and maybe a MH issue ( I´m being presumptious here but it does no harm to milk it! ) should add weight to your case. Esp if you say it´s effecting your child´s sleep, behaviour etc. Again, exaggerate, milk it etc, if it means more gets done and the authorities prioritise this case. It´s not on!

[ThatsNotMyRabbit]

Absolutely call the police. Every time.

Chances are nobody is in danger; they're probably just gobby JK types but hopefully they'll keep it down if they get a visit from the cops each time.

[PushingThru]

There's something very horrible about being in proximity to unhappy people on the other side of the wall. I have it on both sides: a woman in the flat downstairs screaming at her children every day & a couple next door who have rows every Friday night; I suspect after drink's been taken. It's not serious enough to warrant a visit from authorities, but I do appreciate the effect it can have on your own mood.

[ThisiswhatIwant]

Thanks everyone.

In answer to a few questions and so on..

I don't know if anyone else has actually reported it, but I've experienced it now for 2 years, the house was empty for about a year and a half before I came here, and I was told by a neighbour that someone who lived here before that was made depressed by it (she told me that a while after I moved in). So I guess they've been like this for at least 4-5 years?

I do have some 'MH issues' and don't really feel up to confronting, but I think I would be ok with talking if the Police are likely to listen to me describe what's going on, so thanks I'll try that.

I can't move out, don't want to go into too many details but I can't move due to circumstances, at the moment. I'm glad I rent though, because it would be horrible to own a home next to these neighbours, then I think I would feel really trapped. Yes I'd like to move away from them if things don't change, if I can later on.

Out of the 2 of them, it's the woman I can always hear screaming so loudly, I try not to listen tbh because if I do I can hear most of it. I put headphones on at night when DD is in bed and over those can still hear things like "...my life...", the guy has a lower tone so it's not as audible but you can still tell it's both of them arguing, I don't know who is doing the banging. Sometimes I have got so nervous about it because it sounds as though someones going to get murdered, but due to my state of mind I didn't know whether that was because of how I am or if everyone would think of it the same way (though my guests a while back were really shocked so I realised that it probably isn't just me).

[ifcatscouldtalk]

Oh OP i really sympathise. Years ago when my dd was a baby we had neighbours that were so bad i'd dread going home. It made me incredibly on edge, even when quiet i was waiting for it to kick off. I never called the police but probably should of. My anxiety was so bad i was even scared to call the police. If you are ok with calling police it may be the shock they need. Hope you get on ok.