I think sometimes that feeling of love doesn't go, but you have to let the relationship go because it's just not good for you. Think of an alcoholic who gives up the booze or the dieter who gives up sugar. Some things are just bad for us and no matter how much we love them, they can't be part of our lives.
I'm still realising it. It's like the longest flogging of a dead horse ever. But then, I'm pretty sure there must be something wrong with me. Also the getting back together multiple times doesn't help, you start thinking you're a love story you're not Do you have DC?
I walked out on dh, I had to as he fell in love with Mr Jack Daniels. I love the man to bits but he used to get so so drunk, pass out on the sofa and wee himself or worse. He's dry now but will always be an alcoholic. He wasn't when we married but after our dd died he started drinking. I saw him a couple of days ago and we were getting on nicely as we always did and I do still love him, always will. It's just that events drove us apart, he wants to try again and I can't risk it even though I'm terribly lonely without him.
Had a lightbulb moment when I looked at him and thought 'why am I with him?" Something inside just switched off and I never looked back from that point on. He left and I started divorce proceedings. He thought I'd take him back as I had done several times if I'm honest but that switch inside remained firmly off and I was furious with myself for not seeing him clearly, for seeing what I wanted to see, for so many years. Really angry with myself. Still am...thirty years on. I was a fool to have ever got involved but so, so grateful I finally saw the light.
When I asked for a pair of straighteners for my birthday. He took cash out and wrote "sorry I didn't have time" in the card. He was working in London at the time, with a salon on every bloody corner. Think that took the last of what I had left for him.
When he was very drunk and got huffy because I didn't want something. Then started getting very shouty, then actually raised his hand to hit me. He didn't. That would have been it otherwise. But he did become someone that maybe I couldn't trust. Then 2 years later he cheated so that was that.
Two years after we separated. I was really poorly, couldn't even get out of bed and he refused to have the children because it wasn't his day and it wasn't his job to help me out anymore. I couldn't believe that his principle of never doing me a favour meant he would leave his children without proper care. It was like a lightbulb going on.
When he was late home again and I wondered for a split second if he'd been in an accident, and actually didn't care. When the key went in the door and he arrived home, my heart sank. At that point I knew I had no feelings left. I started divorce proceedings the next day, but then followed the worst two years of my life where he couldn't accept it. I have absolutely no regrets however, because where I am emotionally now is so much better than where I ever was within my EA marriage, and happy doesn't actually even come close..
I goy dumped abruptly after four and a half years and was devastated giving it the "I'll never love again!!!!!!" treatment ....six weeks later I started talking to my now dp on tinder and immediately realised I clearly didn't really love my ex at all and hadn't for some time - so in my case - six weeks.