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Fecking exdh & our kids

(16 Posts)
spamalooot Sun 07-Feb-16 16:01:59

Is it reasonable for my ex to tell the kids that if they want something additional 'mummy can pay for it out of the maintenance I give her?' I earn nothing as I'm a full-time carer for our special needs dc. He has a 6 figure salary, rent from multiple flats he lets out & no debt. I view the maintenance as for essential needs to keep our heads above water. To him £40 is nothing, to me it's a big deal. As it is I'm about to take in lodgers just to keep our heads above water. As soon as I'm free to work I will.

FellOutOfBedTwice Sun 07-Feb-16 16:09:54

He sounds lovely. No, definitely not being unreasonable. Why aren't you getting more maintenance from him if he's so highly paid? You shouldn't be needing to take in lodgers.

Whatdoidohelp Sun 07-Feb-16 16:12:34

Is he paying you enough? Might be time to have all his forms of income re-calculated for maintenance purposes. You sound well rid of him!

SouthWesterlyWinds Sun 07-Feb-16 16:23:53

Let me guess - he hasn't declared his rental income or he's got them funnelled into different bank accounts or trust funds so it isn't included in the calculation...?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 07-Feb-16 16:25:46

"Is it reasonable for my ex to tell the kids that if they want something additional 'mummy can pay for it out of the maintenance I give her?'"

No, of course it's not bloody reasonable! He's a cunt but presumably that's why he's an ex.

Has the child-support been calculated by CSA or whatever it's called now? If not, I suggest you get onto them right away.

He's on a six-figure sum and you're contemplating taking in lodgers. How does he feel about the prospect of his darling children living with strangers? Jesus

CalicoBlue Sun 07-Feb-16 16:27:17

He is totally unreasonable. If he knows that you only have enough to live on, then he should not be telling the kids that you can afford stuff you can't.

My ex, has spent the last 10 years telling the kids that I take all his money and he can not afford to take them on holiday or go out. (I get CSA minimum on his salary) These conversations are not fair on the kids. They do not understand the money and it just continues the upset from the separation. Though now mine are teens they do see how much I do on so little.

AutumnLeavesArePretty Sun 07-Feb-16 16:38:05

On a six figure salary, child support must be at a pretty high level. It's not taken into account against benefits so you'll be getting full tax credits and child benefit for them as well. Child support is there for the children, your own bills are your own as you would have those anyway.

I think it's fair enough the children know he pays child support so see nothing wrong in that, depends on what the item was he said no too as to if he's being mean or right. If you can't work, presumably the DC are pre school age so only a child friendly explanation was needed which sounds like it was.

NRPs cant seem to win, they buy things and get called disney parents and don't buy things and are mean. Presumably you say no at times so he should have the same right.

Towardsthesun Sun 07-Feb-16 16:42:48

Have you gone through CMS for maintenance? Is he paying the right amount?

spamalooot Sun 07-Feb-16 16:47:43

There is no point in me going through the csa or whatever it's called as he's self-employed & only declares a tiny proportion of what his company earns as 'salary'. He intends to 'retire' before my £ is due for recalculation this Autumn & yes the rents are channelled elsewhere. He's already promised the dc's they 'can have anything they want' if they go and live with him, only they don't want to as none of them can stand his moods/behaviour. I don't know anything about tax credits, I shall try and find out.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 07-Feb-16 16:56:36

That's another way of looking at it autumn

Oswin Sun 07-Feb-16 17:02:17

Autumn did you miss the part where op said she can't work because she's looking after her children with disabilities. You just couldn't wait to get your usual dig in at a single mother who doesn't work.

OP definitely apply for tax credits are you claiming pip for your do, if so you will get about £60 per week per child with extra for disability if your claiming pip. If not claiming pip you will still get 60 a week per child.
If your not claiming pip get on to that asap.

Your ex is a cunt.

JeanPadget Sun 07-Feb-16 17:05:00

Spam my XH told my daughter that I spend the maintenance on personalised number plates, exotic holidays and shoes! (I had to go onto the CSA Collect & Pay scheme to extract the statutory minimum from him.) He also promised her pretty much anything if she would go and live with him and his new woman. Fortunately, DD can see that I am not a greedy or materialistic woman and that I work hard for what we have. I am just getting quotes to have a garage built, and if I can afford it we are going to send XH a photo with the caption 'This is where we keep our shoes' grin.

Seriously, it's par for the course. These XH / XPs are all fuckwits.

Funinthesun15 Sun 07-Feb-16 17:08:44

These XH / XPs are all fuckwits.

XW can be as bad.

We get nothing towards my DSC.

She deliberately gave up work so she didn't have to.

Fidelia Sun 07-Feb-16 17:20:15

Unfortunately this is part of the script for quite a few Exes. Mine told the children that he gives me a lot or money each month but he's not sure if I spend it on them or on spoiling myself....

OP are you actually divorced? Might be worth getting some kind of financial expert to look at his books/bank statements if you've not yet divorced. It would seem unlikely that a judge would let you live like that if you can prove he earns so much (by lifestyle costs etc)

SouthWesterlyWinds Sun 07-Feb-16 17:32:20

I don't suppose a call to HMRC will help at all...?

petalsandstars Sun 07-Feb-16 18:38:33

Can't they look at dividends too? He must be getting money out somehow unless it's all cash in hand and then yes call hmrc

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