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Same girl new trust issue

(10 Posts)
Arsenal123 Sun 07-Feb-16 10:44:53

I recently had a problem with my girlfriend who I work with messaging/online chatting with other guys and initially keeping our relationship secret.

I just came back off holiday and she asked to use my computer to send a message to someone. She logged on and sent a message to a male work colleague - I'm not sure why she didn't use her phone which was just in her bag. It was an innocent message but it was part of a longer message thread with a lot of general chit chat. I'm just not sure why she made a point of doing it in front of me? To make me jealous? To pre-empt any suspicion if I found out through someone else?

There was a rumour going around that she and some of the other girls were flirting with the guys there, probably including me. But rumours are rife in my workplace and people seem to make them up without fact so I just dismissed it outright.

Furthermore, this guy stayed behind with her for an hour after her shift on two occasions (there is a shift change over as we work a 24 hour service) which I found very weird. I'm not sure if he knows we are together but I just feel quite uneasy, even slightly hurt by it. It's started to affect my happiness.

I'm in love with her but it just seems wrong. How can I make things better without ruining my life?

silverfoxofwarwick1952 Sun 07-Feb-16 11:03:31

To tell you subliminally that you are not going to be a permanent fixture in her life and that she is not ready to make a commitment yet (to anyone).

Offred Sun 07-Feb-16 11:51:49

She's not that into you, sorry.

You say you love her but she doesn't even want people to know you are dating?

How long have you been together?

Hissy Sun 07-Feb-16 11:57:51

My love, you're being taken for a fool.

She's a cheat and she's literally doing this under your nose.

You don't love her. You love the person you wish she was. She's never going to be that person.

Staying with her will erode your self esteem and lessen your chances of finding someone who really is deserving of you.

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy Sun 07-Feb-16 11:59:58

Have you actually spoken to her about this? Because your post is all about your feelings and guessing at her motives.
There may well be an innocent explanation. It may be that she's not as into you as you are into her. Either way, without a conversation you're never going to know

arsenaltilidie Sun 07-Feb-16 12:57:38

Maybe her phone ran out of battery?

Giving her the benefit of the doubt. You need to ask yourself what is actually bothering you and why.
From then on YOU decide whether you can live with it or not.

pocketsaviour Sun 07-Feb-16 15:05:53

Is this the same girl you found making a new POF profile in September?

TBH I don't know if I can be bothered to invest in this thread as OP seems to have ignored all questions that might help posters give better advice, and just disappeared on the last two threads he started.

AyeAmarok Sun 07-Feb-16 15:37:54

You're not in love with her.

She's just making you feel all emotional and unstable and crazy because she's treating you like shit and telling you she doesn't respect you,and you think you have no control over the situation and you have to just take it.

Just dump her. Problem solved.

CityMole Sun 07-Feb-16 15:45:46

I think you are a lot more serious about your relationship with her than she is. Have you spoken to her about how you feel? What do you want to happen? At the moment it feels like you are both looking at this "relationship" from completely different angles.

Arsenal123 Sun 07-Feb-16 20:01:41

I think I need to address the part of me that becomes attached to people who seemingly say they are committed but act in selfish and hurtful ways.

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