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AIBU stressed, dont know whats going on

(6 Posts)
onionlove Sat 06-Feb-16 23:10:28

Long story short, separated for 2 years, 2 dcs 6 and 3, ex moved out of his flat last June to move in with new girlfriend, kids had never stayed overnight with him as I said I would be happier if they got to know her first. Last Sept he sent me an email to say he was really unhappy and wanted to move out and asked me to give him money to put down a deposit on a place I said i don't have any money for him and don't want to remortgage whilst kids are so young. Three weeks ago he told me he has moved out into a new flat and gave me the address. Weird thing is for the last few Saturdays he has had kids he takes them back to his girlfriends house, they now think he has two houses! I said if he wants them to stay overnight I need to know where that will be and with whom, is she his girlfriend or what. I don't care what he does but I need to know what is going on as kids seem confused. If I had a man in my life I would tell him out of respect as he is their Dad. Am I being unreasonable?

HeddaGarbled Sat 06-Feb-16 23:39:14

You have been separated for two years so you don't really have any right to expect him to keep you informed. He has given you his new address, presumably you have a contact phone number so I don't think he needs to tell you anything else about his relationships. It doesn't matter if they think he has two houses so long as they are happy and secure when they stay with him.

Now then, this business of him asking you for money. Time to get on with the divorce and sort out a proper financial settlement, yes? Then you will both know where you are financially and you won't have this prospect of remortgaging hanging over you.

Marilynsbigsister Sun 07-Feb-16 07:44:47

This ^^. What he does with his kids on his time is not relevant to you. Its very tempting for separated parents to believe mum is the 80% parents and father is 20% . That mum gets to say what the kids do/see /go and the dad has to jump to that tune. The reality is that you are both equal parents and when they are with him it is his responsibility to ensure their welfare as it is your when they are with you. He does not need your permission in anyway with regard to this issue. If you withheld contact on this basis and he went to court , the judge would tell you the same..

Cabrinha Sun 07-Feb-16 08:00:05

Why didn't your kids stay overnight with him in his flat before he moved in with the girlfriend?
Didn't they meet his girlfriend before he moved in with her?
Why can't you say "child said they went to X house again - are you back with her, they're asking?"

It sounds like you have encouraged him not to have then overnight. I take a dim view of him for accepting that, but I also think overnights are part of being a parent and it's in the kids interests to overnight with both parents - and you should be more encouraging of it.

Definitely get your finances sorted!

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster Sun 07-Feb-16 08:05:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onionlove Sun 07-Feb-16 09:13:54

I accept what you all say of course, one minute he's telling me he is unhappy with her and next minute he's not living there but still seeing her with the kids, I guess he has to handle that with the kids and I just have to tell them i don't know.

They haven't stayed with him because he's too bloody lazy to have them, I have not discouraged at any point! No they didn't meet her before he moved in because he hops from one relationship to another without thinking of the affect on them.

I realise parents don't have to tell each other I guess I was just hoping for more of an equal co parenting approach with communication for the kids sake oh well!

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