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Saying those 3 words....

(15 Posts)
Robotgirl Sat 06-Feb-16 17:20:35

Hi all
Have been with my boyfriend for a year. He's awesome.
We both have baggage from previous unhappy relationships. I developed what I thought were very strong feelings for him early on but then took a step back & realised it was lust. I've been having counselling recently to help me deal with some stuff from my childhood/a previous relationship.
We get on great and I love spending time with him & being together but don't have that overwhelming feeling of LOVE
He's the first boyfriend I've had who isn't overwhelmingly vocal with his feelings but very very thoughtful with his actions...
I have a toddler & she will always come first. She hardly ever sees her dad so our time together (me & boyfriend) is limited & we haven't been away together (just me & him) since the summer.
I feel like I'm going to fall in love with him but not yet....
He has said similar... But we haven't talked in depth. I don't feel like we need to.
Does anyone think it's possible to fall in love after a year? If we're not in love yet, can it still happen?
I've always been someone to say I love you after about a month or two in the past (but don't think it's actually been the case every time-poss co-dependency/lust)
Any thoughts or experiences gratefully received wink

LovePGtipsMonkey Sat 06-Feb-16 18:21:48

is your aim to fall in love completely? I mean could you be happy as it is, and it's just the pressure of how it's 'supposed to be'? If you are content, you don't need to put a label on it.
Sometimes love is a slow-burn event, but I'd say within a year most people would know, unless you really don't see each other much. OTOH so many thought (as you say) they wre in love within a year and it turned out to be fleeting. But I think if you do love, you'd normally feel it sooner than a year.

Robotgirl Sat 06-Feb-16 18:31:45

Thanks lovePgTips
He is my first relationship since splitting with DDs dad.
She's my world & I'm significantly more cautious than in the past & also can't be massively impulsive with seeing each other outside of my house (childcare etc & I work most days as does he)
I do have very strong feelings, as does he, but just not desperate to say I Love you! But then the only person I say that to all the time is my daughter. Never to family, rarely friends.

Vintage45 Sat 06-Feb-16 18:50:29

Do you fancy him OP?

LovePGtipsMonkey Sat 06-Feb-16 18:59:24

well what I mean is, do you feel the need to have the overwhelming feelings? obviously you've asked because it somehow bothers you? You could just take it for what it is - string liking but not love and focus on your daughter, it doesn't seem like he's pressuring you either. Or do you mean that for an LTR you must feel very string love otherwise why bother?

If you think there is no need to commit to him for the rest of your life, then it's not an issue - let it develop or run its course. But if you do want to commit because DD is involved, then maybe it's good she doesn't see him much and isn't getting attached while you just see how it goes..

LovePGtipsMonkey Sat 06-Feb-16 19:00:03

sorry, strong, not string obv! same typos all the time.

Robotgirl Sat 06-Feb-16 19:25:20

Vintage45 yes, Really attracted to him -always have been & sex life great.

Robotgirl Sat 06-Feb-16 19:29:39

lovePgTips - dont feel desperate for those strong feelings of earth-shattering lurve but it's making me question whether I have ever really been in love - other boyfriends have been really 'love you' all the time but then their actions said otherwise....he's so reliable, caring, thoughtful & lovely.
Guess I'm just wondering if one day I'll wake up & be 'in love' & it's a slow burner thing... Was just curious to know if that's happened to anyone else

Vintage45 Sat 06-Feb-16 19:31:13

Maybe you're sort of over thinking things then? They're just words. Love is in the doing not the saying. Slowly but surely is the key here.

Robotgirl Sat 06-Feb-16 19:54:58

Vintage45, overthinking is my middle name wink - lots of 'are you in lurve?' type comments recently have made me question stuff. Maybe I should just stop trying to analyse?

Vintage45 Sat 06-Feb-16 20:07:51

Analysing and second guessing are a woman's worst trait grin

Stop it and enjoy what you have, go with the flow. Who knows what the future holds.

ChristinaParsons Sat 06-Feb-16 20:18:34

I knew I had strong feelings for my partner. I also have baggage from a previous relationship. Last weekend I had an accident. He was the first person I called and he came to a and e without me asking him too. What I felt when he walked in the door and the look of worry on his face. I realised then it really was love and I had no reason to try and suppress these feelings just because I have been badly hurt in the past

Robotgirl Sat 06-Feb-16 20:39:54

Hope you're ok Christina & are recovering well.
Thank you for that post. thanks

Robotgirl Sat 06-Feb-16 21:01:50

Hope you're ok Christina & are recovering well.
Thank you for that post. thanks

ChristinaParsons Sun 07-Feb-16 12:00:25

Thank you. Fractured shoulder, most inconvenient!

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