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I feel so guilty for ending my 16 year relationship...

(5 Posts)
PeppasNanna Sat 06-Feb-16 09:23:46

How do others deal with the guilt their exdp creates in them?

16 year relationship. He was the love of my life. But in the last few years its really deteriorated.

He finally left 3 weeks ago. In all honesty i thought i would be like the previous times, that I'd be desperate for him to come home. Cry, be heartbroken. I haven't been at all. He was so lazy that its almost the same without him being here.

But hes desperate to give it another go. I've only seen him cry once, when his mum died. He cried for an hour & a half last night, begging me & promising everything would be different.

I dont believe him. I dont think he has any comprehension of how his lazy, passive & indifferent behaviour has affected & ultimately changed me.

I feel so guilty that hes not in his home. Hes really on his own. No family & few friends. Middle aged, no home, no partner & even the dc are indifferent to him.

I don't know why im posting really. A vain attempt to lift my very heavy heart. I became so exhausted & drained talking to him last night that i ran out of words...
I have no one in RL to talk to.

Fionajsd Sat 06-Feb-16 09:26:57

U may feel guilt for a while but that doesn't mean your doing the right thing . X

Fionajsd Sat 06-Feb-16 09:27:51

Should read 'not doing the right thing'

You've every right to be happy x

PeppasNanna Sat 06-Feb-16 09:40:53

Thanks.

Its not even about being happy at the moment, its about not having to deal with him anymore.

I can't believe i haven't been more upset. I feel numb & guilty, sometimes anxious as tohow i will cope with the dc but little else. Im presuming I'm in some sort of shock.

OTheHugeManatee Sat 06-Feb-16 09:45:59

It may be that you feel guilty because you got used to 'mothering' a rather useless and dependent partner and your socialisation means you struggle with cutting him loose. Certainly your guilt sounds more focused on his feelings while tbh you mostly sound relieved to be shot of him.

It might help to remind yourself he's an adult - middle aged, indeed - and hence should be perfectly capable of taking care of himself? You shouldn't feel responsible for another NT adult like this.

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