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End of the road?

(8 Posts)
Clark735 Sat 06-Feb-16 07:35:50

Well it all came to a head the other day. I have been married to my wife for 13yrs and been together for 16yrs. We have been side by side all that time and have travelled the world together have a great house and have to great small boys together life did seem to be perfect. We have some friends in our village that are in the middle of splitting up, the woman (close friend) has been going out lots more and has been trying to date etc for the past 3mnths. My wife has also been making an effort to spruce herself up and keep fit and generally be a wing man on our friends nights out.
Just before xmas she went to a village across from us and kissed a young lad (28) I'm 38 btw and wife 37. Then she went out on New Years to the same pub and kissed etc again while I was at home alone with the boys. This week she managed to leave her phone in the van they were using and I happened to be slightly suspicious and looked at her messenger messages on the iPad that is linked to her Facebook. It was very evident that she really wanted him and that she was the one pushing for it (pardon the pun) well we both had the sick feeling it was all over for me etc.
What I fail to have said is that I had a very drunken fumble with a random on a lads night (which she knows about) a good 6yrs ago (since then we have had our youngest who is 3.
You see here is the thing; she may never have got over the indescretion with me and she may have an underlying issue that's been eating her away all this time. She has been getting drunk and enjoying herself with our friend which I didn't mind at all and that I encouraged but feel now that that was the catalyst for what ultimately happened.
She showed me a message from his mate that was trying to pull her (after seeing photos from the one she liked) but nothing was on there to make me suspicious it was just to try and make me jealous (because she like that). So that's why I looked after she had left her phone in the van. Yesterday I went through her phone entirely and all I get is Facebook search for him up to 20 time a day for the months she met him. It's constant and its in texts and what app messages to our friends. She told her/our girlfriends that she had a free pass and that I was cool about it. One friend who I knew before my wife does not talk to her anymore because my wife thought she was muscling in on him on the NYE at the pub!!!! So she was even prepared to fight over him!!! WTF
My wife has an addiction to this and says that she really wants to save our marriage and that I have made her world.
When all I think is that I would do anything for her I had the kids when she went out to the early hours I pick her up sometimes in the early hours I let her sleep in because she is hungover I do 80% of the housework. What more can I do I don't know. What I'm concerned most about is the infatuation she has with him the Facebook stalking the looking at his picture (she says he is fit and she wants to remember she pulled him) it will be constant because I think that is the way she is wired.
Every time she looks at him it kills a bit of me.
That's what hurts
Not the deed.
I don't want to control her I'm too placid and easygoing for that but I don't want to come second best with something I just can't compete with.
Sorry to bore you with it but I have know one to talk to and what few mates I have will just tell me to leave.
Please don't be nasty in comments 😔
We have so much to lose its just insane to think about it.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sat 06-Feb-16 07:38:40

She's behaving like a ridiculous teenager and showing you absolutely no respect. I'm not sure how you can move on from this. It's not an addiction, she just seems to think this behaviour is ok confused

Clark735 Sat 06-Feb-16 07:47:29

I have another friend how is 26yrs and is an electrician, he pops in every now and then and she goes all doughy eyed etc. She says he is hot I don't mind as it's just words! But he has just split from his partner and he is now seeing a young girl and my wife even checked her profile out a couple of times!!! Is my wife just a sad woman who thinks she is a teenager again? She has no respect for me obviously and it's just sad to think she craves that attention from younger males. I'm very good looking a get lots of attention from other ladies but I don't go on Facebook and check them out and I don't go kissing them and wanting an affair!!!!

Resilience16 Sat 06-Feb-16 08:21:13

Hi Clark, this relationship sounds seriously messed up. Has it always been this way? To me it sounds like your wife is attention seeking and trying to make you jealous. You could be right and it could be the fall out from your "fumble" 6 years ago, but if the two of you want to save your marriage you seriously need to start talking. Maybe try Relate.
Good luck.

WhatTheActualFugg Sat 06-Feb-16 08:36:45

Oh dear. OP this is very sad.

Have you tried talking to her to explain that you're not "cool about it" and that she doesn't have a free pass and that she's breaking your heart?

Towardsthesun Sat 06-Feb-16 08:40:41

I don't know why you're acting like you're ok with it when you're not. I think she will push and push the boundaries and won't stop until you give her a wake up call and threaten to leave and mean it.

You say you have been encouraging her to go out and have been dropping her off etc. You must be mad. She is taking the mick and she knows it ('free pass?')

Lay the law down or lose her. Depends what you want really. It is probably over.

PushingThru Sat 06-Feb-16 11:34:50

She sounds awful. She should move out.

Clark735 Sat 06-Feb-16 16:34:04

It's not that easy to just move out. We went out today with the boys and driving past any white van (van they were in on Wednesday) she looks in at who the driver is. I even said to her can she differinciate between van models!!! It is just the way she is. She used to be a groupie and chased band members down ffs. Yes I know she has a bad streak but don't we all. I would like to tell anyone thinking of having an affair does to a person (especially a man) that's why men lose all respect for women once they have been hurt. I don't want to be a prick like the rest of them and I thought this was my draw card. If I lose anymore respect for her then it's over for good or I will treat her like a piece of rubbish that's on my shoe!!

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