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Would you take him back?

(23 Posts)
tellmethetruth2016 Fri 05-Feb-16 22:13:58


Sorry if this is long but I need some advice and I've no body to talk to. myself and my husband have been married for 10 years and have three children together. He also has a child from a previous relationship. when we were first together, he was still with the mother of his child although he always said they had split up the week before. Roll on a few years and we get married. soon after we married I was using his phone and a few messages from a girl he worked with popped up. All very innocent like 'how are you? ' and ' any plans for today' but I never felt comfortable with the texts. A few years later messages from a different girl he worked with popped up and we had a huge argument and he walked out. He moved into his friends but I asked him to come back about a month later. I had my suspicions that he was with this girl in that time as when I went to his friends he was never there and would never answer his phone. We worked through it but he never admitted he was with her. I fell pregnant a while after but about a year after our child was born I found more messages from another girl. He told her he loved her and wanted to be with her. He left me after that and we had quite a rocky relationship. He called me horrible names and acted like I never meant anything to him. He moved in with this girl but after about a year he started to text me again. He told me he wasn't happy and when he came to see the kids he would stay and we would sleep together. He would tell me he missed the kids but he never said he missed me and never apologised for leaving. We started talking about giving it another go and him leaving her but I told him he'd have to go to counselling and stay out of contact with her. But now he won't answer any questions I have about what happened between them. He has gone on like she never existed and never had a relationship with her and told me he never slept with her in the time they were together. would you believe him? Will I regret taking him back? Do you think he will do it again? how can someone act like they never had a relationship in the time we were apart?

AnyFucker Fri 05-Feb-16 22:16:04

what are you asking us for ?

you are soooo going to let him make a mug of you again

Hissy Fri 05-Feb-16 22:18:02

A cheat lies to himself before he lies to you.

Which is why he's so convincing. Because he actually believes the shit he's spouting.

He has no respect for himself, for marriage, for his family or for you.

Or for women for that matter...

AliceInUnderpants Fri 05-Feb-16 22:19:21

Both of you need to grow the fuck up and stop thinking with your genitals

ScarletForYa Fri 05-Feb-16 22:22:45

Would you believe him? No. Not in a million years.

Will I regret taking him back? Yes.

Do you think he will do it again? Yes.

how can someone act like they never had a relationship in the time we were apart?

She probably dumped him so he didn't want to thick/talk about it. He sees you as the fall-back option OP.

Don't do it.

OwlCurrency Fri 05-Feb-16 22:23:03

Agree he's a total waste of energy.

PeppermintPasty Fri 05-Feb-16 22:26:29

Crikey, of course I wouldn't take him back, and neither should you (have).

You will be miserable forever if you stay with this man, the end.

Borninthe60s Fri 05-Feb-16 22:29:08

He's repeating his poor behaviour with every one of his victims women. It's up to you, live with it and ignore it or get rid.

VocationalGoat Fri 05-Feb-16 22:31:05

Why do you want to be with him????

AlwaysHopeful1 Fri 05-Feb-16 22:35:16

You are caught up in a very unhealthy cycle, in the mean while you are wasting years of your life. He won't ever change, but you can by breaking this pattern of going back to him.

Robotgirl Fri 05-Feb-16 22:40:31

Will I regret taking him back? Yes
Do you think he will do it again? Yes
how can someone act like they never had a relationship in the time we were apart? Because he's a massive liar

Morasssassafras Fri 05-Feb-16 22:53:57

He's shown you who he is.

janethegirl2 Fri 05-Feb-16 23:10:32

No I wouldn't take him back, I would hope I've got more self respect than to be ever in that position.

Hell, that sounds so judgy, but please don't do it flowers

goddessofsmallthings Fri 05-Feb-16 23:12:54

Why are you asking "would you take him back?" when it's a done deal and he's back in your home and in your bed?

No woman in her right mind would countenance resuming a relationship with a lying cheating tosspot like your h and, as you don't sound unhinged, the question has to be why did you take him back?

It's not a question of how long it will be before he gets up to his old tricks again as, in truth, he hasn't stopped and chances are he's either still in touch with the woman he was living with or he's got another one lined up.

As the saying has it : 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me'. Are you a glutton for punishment?

Please don't have another dc with this man as the 3 you already have aren't enough to make him even want to change his spots, presupposing he's capable of doing so which I suspect is highly unlikely.

VoldysGoneMouldy Fri 05-Feb-16 23:15:34

Why do you want to be with him? He has no respect for you.

choceclair123 Fri 05-Feb-16 23:57:52

confused Is this a serious question?

Offred Sat 06-Feb-16 00:17:56

No, no-one sane would take him back. You will regret it.

Start thinking about your DC (both of you) and stop shagging.

Resilience16 Sat 06-Feb-16 01:27:19

Hi, I am sorry you are in this crap situation, but I think you know the answer to your questions. This man is treating you like shit, and you are letting him.He wants the easy option every time and has no intention of changing,or going to counselling with you.
You deserve better.
If you stay he will continue to treat you badly. I know it is scary to move on after ten years together, but things ain't gonna get better. You know that right?
Be brave, kick him to the kerb .

AyeAmarok Sat 06-Feb-16 08:29:06

You know when people say "if my husband ever did XYZ, that would be the end of our relationship".

Where exactly is your bottom line?

Or has he obliterated every one you have ever set and you don't recognise yourself anymore?

Joysmum Sat 06-Feb-16 09:07:15

From your OP I've counted he's been unfaithful 5 times (including to you, his ex wife and the new girlfriend he was living with) and you are wondering whether to give him another shot confused

WTF do you think would happen?

Suddenlyseymour Sat 06-Feb-16 09:12:39

In the kindest way, you are behaving like a doormat.....he's wiped his feet on you 5 times and he's also using you as an easy lay; why would you want this? Please don't say "for the children" - seeing this charade play out is no good for them

Cabrinha Sat 06-Feb-16 09:17:53

You need to correct your post, one of the earlier cheating episodes where you said "you worked through it". No you didn't, you just sucked it up and worked through nothing.

Of course he'll carry on cheating. In some ways he'd be a fool not to - you've told him over and again that you don't mind.

No, I wouldn't take him back. Why don't you end it now, before he does again?

hollyisalovelyname Sat 06-Feb-16 09:24:30

If you marry a man who cheated on his wife you marry a man who cheats on his wife.

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