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Can really incredible sex make you think you're in love?

(98 Posts)
brownpillow Fri 05-Feb-16 18:01:26

I have a new boyfriend and I don't even think he is a very nicer person. I thought he was at first, really thought he was a great person, but a few things have come to light since I have known him that would definitely have put me right off.

Although the sex is absolutely out of this world. The kissing feels amazing, as does the cuddles and we have great talks.

I am wondering how much the phsyical side of things being so incredible would slant my viewpoint on him?

Can really, really good sex and someone's body looking /feeling / smelling right in a way you find irresistable really make you view them in a better light than you should?

I feel unsatisfied in the relationship but hang on because I sense potential but wonder how much of that is just a fantasy in my mind.

It's not "love" is it, when you feel so happy and addicted to someone like that?

I sort of both hate him and crave him, and no, he's not gorgeous or anything.

Owllady Fri 05-Feb-16 18:03:08

Is it russell brand?

VoldysGoneMouldy Fri 05-Feb-16 18:04:24

You said he's not a nice person - so why are you with him?

Sex can be infatuating, yes, but if he's not nice, spend your time with someone who is.

brownpillow Fri 05-Feb-16 18:07:06

I thought he was one of the nicest people when I started to see him, and at first, but slowly he's shown signs of being very selfish, perhaps less than 100% truthful and other little things. Nothing nightmarish, but certainly if I had known then what I know now I'd not have gone out with him. Yet, I find him more attractive than anyone else and I am wondering why I find someone so attractive that I don't even think the world of or anything.

TolpuddleFarter Fri 05-Feb-16 18:13:08

I've been here!

I ended up staying for two years because the sex and chemistry was amazing!

I would suggest extracting yourself as soon as possible as you will end up easting your time. I do think a situation like this can be very addictive.

TolpuddleFarter Fri 05-Feb-16 18:13:27


brownpillow Fri 05-Feb-16 18:14:46

Actually, something very funny has come about and I am not sure how because when we first got together I was really reluctant and wasn't that into the idea but he seemed really nice so I tried to give him a chance and then he sort of started showing these signs of being not that nice and as much as I would normally go right off someone it hasn't been the case here and I find myself fancying him almost like a craving. I want to stop the relationship but it feels a bit like giving up smoking. I don't think he really cares about me, I am just an ego boost for a broken man who's very selfish and incapabe of a loving relationship and I just don't understand why I fancy /want him so much. It makes no sense to me and I was just wondering if it might be the sex / physical part because that is the best I have ever had by a long way.

brownpillow Fri 05-Feb-16 18:16:26

So tolpuddle...this chemistry means nothing then? I am reluctant to stop seeing him because it is just that....addictive...but I think it is creating a feeling for me of being "in love" but it makes no sense to be in love with someone I don't even properly respect his character!!!

scribblegirl Fri 05-Feb-16 18:17:05

Well, whenever I've had a FWB I've always wound up thinking I'm in love with them. And then when it stops I realise I definitely wasn't!

I think for some people, sec generally triggers those feelings. Some sort of weird evolutionary thing so we don't wind up with offspring and no hunter gatherer to feed them! Otoh some of my friends can shag without getting that at all.

Maybe the intensity of the chemistry is amplifying those feelings? I'd tread with caution if I were you though, it's so easy to trap yourself with someone nasty that way.

Claraoswald36 Fri 05-Feb-16 18:17:54

A gf? Kid he doesn't see/pay for? What's wrong with him?

Branleuse Fri 05-Feb-16 18:19:06

you dont have to dump him. Its ok to be with someone just for the sex if youre both ok with that. If its mostly about the sex then you might find it fizzles out after a while, but try not to let yourself get all attached to someone whos obviously a bit of a twat

Lanark2 Fri 05-Feb-16 18:19:54

It might not be as bad as all that.. Of course people are going to show a few signs of not being totally couple-thinking eventually.. But also I know that I tend to do a little bit of behaving badly, or being needy or childish when I am in a relationship, which I think is all part of testing the bond, and also, I think trying to see a little of what you are like as a mother. Eg If behave sillily and my gf starts being withering and dismissive. I instantly think 'ah so playing is seen by her as trivial and pointless'.. Etc...

Lanark2 Fri 05-Feb-16 18:22:24

You know its coming up to spring right, and maybe you are looking for excuses to flirt away this year..?..wink

brownpillow Fri 05-Feb-16 18:24:45

What is chemistry anyway?

Why if I go on a date with someone better looking / better dressed / better job / nicer character do I not feel it for them?

Sorry, I know this sounds like a silly question but my batty mind has me thinking this "chemistry" means something.

What's wrong with him...

Hmmm..whee to begin

He's told me a few things about past relationships that just left a bad taste in my mouth. Not cheating but sort of being a cocklodger or just the type of guy I would generally not be into.

I think he still chats with other women / keeps his options open and has an interesting relationship with the truth.

I think he is a bit spineless / conflict avoidant and generally selfish. He's unromantic, not thoughtful and I think he sees me as a dial-a-pizza. No doubt I will have fuck all for Valentines day and then get some message about how I am his Valentine and all that and it's living off crumbs really.

I do tink he is into me, I just think this is the kind of boyfriend he is - certainly get the impression his exes had all the same issues.

He does have a lot of good qualities, like the ones that first attracted me, but the other ones would usually be dealbreakers.

In my heart...I am madly in love with him and no man on earth has ever made me feel this wonderful. In my head I am thinking why I am letting this idiot make me feel rejected and confused when I don't even truly like who he is and feel I am too good for him.

ARichVernacular Fri 05-Feb-16 18:28:16

I believe the word you are looking for is 'cockstruck'.

Enjoy the sex but detach from the rest, if possible.

Iwonderif Fri 05-Feb-16 18:28:28

You've fallen for a "bad lad" like a moth to a flame. Yes the sex will be mind blowing the desire to be with them is mental......its lust OP. He's got under your skin. He knows this. Be very very wary & careful. I was once "there" he dumped me catastrophically on my birthday went back to his ex and I was basically homeless. It was awful. Looking back I was smitten and had very low confidence.

Leigh1980 Fri 05-Feb-16 18:28:44

Be prepared to leave after the honeymoon period is finished though. If you see flaws in his personality you don't like, when the honeymoon period is over they will become depressing and miserable, but then it's harder to leave. So maybe go now now before that happens.

juneau Fri 05-Feb-16 18:28:56

Good sex can be highly addictive - yes. But infatuation or addiction isn't the same as love. You're confusing two different things.

tallwivglasses Fri 05-Feb-16 18:34:05

There are other great lovers out there - and they're nice people too. Go cold turkey smile

something2say Fri 05-Feb-16 18:41:51

Ok so you say he is selfish, a broken man (who is probably getting himself together) and you are an ego boost to him.

I'd back off e,optionally, but absolutely rinse the sex until I had had enough. And don't tell people about it, keep it quiet and when the time comes, let it go and allow time to bring you a decent man.

It's nice to have amazing sex. It's good to look back on. Sex isn't good with everyone I don't think.....

donajimena Fri 05-Feb-16 19:27:12

something rinse the sex until I'd had enough?
I absolutely love that. grin

RedRainRocks Fri 05-Feb-16 19:51:51

Enjoy it for what it is
Don't wish for it to be something it's not
See him for who he really is...and relish the incredible sex
Oh... and Google "limerence"

AnyFucker Fri 05-Feb-16 20:13:30

don't end up like this lady

she is very, very unhappy

HermioneWeasley Fri 05-Feb-16 20:16:32

Yes, good sex confuses you. When women orgasm it releases oxytocin which makes you bond with the person you're with and creates a false sense of intimacy.

TheGirlWhoWasntThere Fri 05-Feb-16 21:42:23

When you say "certainly get the impression his exes had all the same issues" what do you mean exactly?
It sounds like he has told you all of his ex partners were crazy which is a massive red flag to me. It means he is probably the one with major issues and they were not the problem he was.

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