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Finally got the answer about lack of sex and sobbing

(186 Posts)
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Thu 04-Feb-16 21:52:24

I will first say our sex life isn't normal it mostly bondage and submission.

We have been together 11 years and married 5.

Finally after a lot of text exchange I have my answer. He is no longer into being a dominant.

I can't see how our relationship is going to work as from the start this has been the foundation.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Thu 04-Feb-16 21:56:13

Packing everything tonight was hard.

AnyFucker Thu 04-Feb-16 22:01:00

what about your holiday to Florida ? shock

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Thu 04-Feb-16 22:13:13

I really don't know AnyFucker.

This has hurt me to the core.

flanjabelle Thu 04-Feb-16 22:14:46

Oh piper, I'm so sorry. I'm angry on your behalf that it took this long to come out. You poor thing. sad

RJnomore1 Thu 04-Feb-16 22:15:57

Crikey packing everything as in leaving!

ALaughAMinute Thu 04-Feb-16 22:25:43

Is this for real?

cakedup Thu 04-Feb-16 22:29:35

I'm obviously missing something. You no longer want to be with him because he doesn't want to continue the role he has playing during sex?

Bluebird79 Thu 04-Feb-16 22:29:38

Somethings are more important than sex. Don't just leave!

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Thu 04-Feb-16 22:31:16

My head is all over the place.

Packed the toys not my things.

Daryan Thu 04-Feb-16 22:31:43

Is this some sort of amusing based-off-the-telly thread?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Thu 04-Feb-16 22:32:22

Sadly no.

TeaT1me Thu 04-Feb-16 22:32:34

But surely your foundation in a bdsm relationship has been honesty and trust and that can still be there and worked on even if it's a "dry" period serially. It's only Ben a few weeks hasn't it in 11years. Can't you work through it?

Id life in general more stressful for you both? We've a similar set up but we have dips when my husband is overworked or overloaded at home.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Thu 04-Feb-16 22:32:36

So he's changed his mind.... So find another way. Do something else like other people do when things go a bit stale

TeaT1me Thu 04-Feb-16 22:33:22

Sorry for the typos.

Piratespoo Thu 04-Feb-16 22:34:45

Wow...is sex so important? Is it the only thing wrong in the relationship? Surely there must be more for you to consider throwing a marriage away because of this?

RJnomore1 Thu 04-Feb-16 22:35:49

Oh I thought you were leaving!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ginkypig Thu 04-Feb-16 22:37:27

It's a difficult one as they are very important clearly defined roles in a relationship normally, unless you are a switch?

I think it very much depends on if these roles are strictly for bedroom only.

You need to have a calm discussion with your partner.

I know your hurt at the moment but try not to show that as it will put the whole discussion on the defensive.

Is there the option to have the needs met in other ways?

Also you might get more knowledgeable advice on another forum, specifically the love honey website (sorry if that's not allowed everyone!)

AlwaysHopeful1 Thu 04-Feb-16 22:39:19

If you are this devastated over a change in your sex life then it doesn't seem you have a good foundation anyway. So what if he decides he wants to change? Your reaction. Seems a tad dramatic.

ALaughAMinute Thu 04-Feb-16 22:40:31

BDSM isn't much of a foundation for marriage is it?

I think you are doing the right thing in leaving.

I wouldn't be able to get out there fast enough!

WhimsicalWinnifred Thu 04-Feb-16 22:45:22

You'll find something else you both enjoy. Relationships evolve. I hope it all works out thanks

Valentine2 Thu 04-Feb-16 22:52:15

Is there more to it? Does he actively want role reversal? Do you suspect other things you don't like?

notapizzaeater Thu 04-Feb-16 22:57:07

Can you not sit and talk and find another role,play you both like ?

Towardsthesun Thu 04-Feb-16 23:00:36

Why is he sobbing?

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