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Should I stop texting him?

(56 Posts)
BlondeOnATreadmill Thu 04-Feb-16 21:28:06

Son went off to Uni. I text him every day, at about 5pm, to ask how his day has been. He replies. So fine. But, I know that if I didn't text him, that I wouldn't hear from him for weeks on end. Should I stop? I am feeling a bit fed up, that the effort is all mine. I send him money every month to keep him afloat (if that's relevant). I told him how I feel last night. He replied then. But fuck all from him today. Help!

pog100 Thu 04-Feb-16 21:31:28

as a parent of two recently uni aged kids and also a uni. lecturer, and many, many years before the advent of mobile phones, i would say once a day is way too much contact with an 18 year old lad. Once a week or less, from your side, and let him contact you if he feels like more, would be my recommendation.

BlondeOnATreadmill Thu 04-Feb-16 21:35:01

Really? i have gone cold turkey tonight and feel awful.

Bitrustyandbusty Thu 04-Feb-16 21:36:17

When I went off to uni, aged 17, 20-odd years ago, I called my parents once a week for five minutes from a payphone. I missed that weekly slot, sometimes. Mobile phones and social media are both a blessing and a curse. He can survive for more than one day without being in touch you. I guess that hurts, and that you probably miss him. however, I think you need to relax and let him enjoy his new found freedom. Good luck.

LumpySpaceCow Thu 04-Feb-16 21:39:28

I have to agree with pog. I would try to see it as a positive that he doesn't need much contact in that he is happy and having a good time at uni! Wean yourself down on the texts. If he needs you then you know he will be in touch.

DontKillMyVibe Thu 04-Feb-16 21:40:50

When I went to uni nearly 20 years ago it was a once a week phonecall every Sunday from the shared pay phone in the 1st yr Halls of Residence.

I appreciate things are different now with instant contact and mobiles but daily would have been far too much for me. Let him enjoy his freedom for a bit and agree a pattern for regular contact which isn't every day if that's not what he wants.

HeddaGarbled Thu 04-Feb-16 22:44:56

When mine first went (recently) we texted or emailed most days for the first few weeks but then dwindled to emails approx twice a week plus phone call at weekends and eventually dwindled to the weekly phone call and occasional email or text if there was something specific to convey. They phone us because then they can decide when is a convenient day/time for them. Text/emails probably about 50-50 in terms of who initiates - girl more likely to contact us than boy.

Kewcumber Thu 04-Feb-16 22:49:49

Did you ring your mum at 5pm every day when you left home?

Joysmum Thu 04-Feb-16 22:58:15

Wean off to every other day, then every third day, then every forth....

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna Thu 04-Feb-16 23:37:40

Oh bless you OP. I feel your pain. Give him time to miss you, he will miss you. Try keep yourself distracted with other things, your other children. I can go a few days/couple of weeks without talking to mine, but then he'll call me out of the blue to tell me about a rubbish exam or share a joke. I think you just need to give him space, I know thats harder for you! Stay Strong, lol!

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 04-Feb-16 23:40:45

I used to phone home twice a week from the pay phone. Then when I started work and mum retired I used to randomly phone her every day.

I miss my mum.

ALaughAMinute Thu 04-Feb-16 23:45:08

I know it's hard but we have to learn to let our children go. Roots and wings and all of that!

Both my children are at uni and I hear from them once a week if I'm lucky.

If your son is on WhatsApp you can check to see when he was last online which might provide you with some comfort.

lavenderhoney Thu 04-Feb-16 23:46:33

My nephew -uber shy - went off to uni and his mum texted him everyday, calling him " are you ok?" Etc. After 2 weeks he said " mum- leave me alone, stop now - I'm having a great time and I'll call you Sunday's. In the afternoon!"

I was a v nice auntie, and transferred £50 to his bank account saying it was to be spent on making friends and not more bloody law bookssmile

Dsis was heart broken but tbh she had to let go. No idea what I'll be like when DC go to uni. Ds was 7 when he informed me he would talk to me when he was a grown up but not at weekends because he would be at parties. Rightsmile

mumsonthelash Thu 04-Feb-16 23:48:28

When I went to uni I didn't call my mum for two weeks! She had to call the halls of residence to check I was still alive.

AcrossthePond55 Fri 05-Feb-16 00:24:48

Oh Blonde here's a virtual hand-hold.

Everyone's right, it's time to cut the strings. But, oh, it's hard! Mine are 32 (and married!) and 26 and I still fight the urge. smile

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Fri 05-Feb-16 00:30:29

Blimey, yes, let him go!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Fri 05-Feb-16 01:18:01

Yes. Of course yes! Cut it back to once a week.

SoThatHappened Fri 05-Feb-16 01:21:07

This reminds me of mine....I went to uni, called her the first night. Not the second night. On the third night, she calls the uni hall frantic with worry.

I didnt want to speak to her. What did she think had happened to me confused

Your parents are little more than an embarrassment to you at that age.

You could stop sending him any money unless he texts you. I assume that is why you mentioned it. That he should feel obliged to.

LeaLeander Fri 05-Feb-16 02:04:40

I want to uni 4 months after my 17th and perhaps talked with my parents every two or three weeks. No cell phones then.

College years are about exploring. Leave him be to focus on his own thoughts and interests and learning. Daily texts from mom is like trying to concentrate with a toddler grabbing at your trouser legs constantly. He will be fine.

TheExMotherInLaw Fri 05-Feb-16 02:47:36

Once a week, max!
I used to fuss when I hadn't heard back for 3 weeks.
Now they're older I don't fuss, but appreciate the odd call, text or FB message.

lyndiloo17 Fri 05-Feb-16 03:26:34

Oh, text him no more than twice a week. And be upbeat (even if you don't feel it!).
It's hard, I know, to let them go. But eventually you will get used to it, and find other things in your life to 'fill the gap'. Enjoy your freedom! Do the things you always wanted to do when you couldn't spare the time.
Stop worrying! He's where you always wanted him to be - independent!
And, if I may make a tiny suggestion ... don't be too free with your money. He's a big boy now, and should be earning some of his own! Don't be his cash-cow (even if you have loads!).

uhoh2016 Fri 05-Feb-16 04:26:23

Christ if you want to text him then text him!!! It's a few words written down hardly ringing every night for an hour conversation asking all about his day/ what he's been up to etc
Maybe a "hope you've had a good day. Love you x" text so your not expecting a reply but he knows your there. I suspect he doesn't mind the daily text now if he's replying as he would probably ignore it if he couldn't be bothered.

Imbroglio Fri 05-Feb-16 07:16:40

My uni child rarely contacts me
It can be weeks

Text him once or twice a week and keep it light.

BlondeOnATreadmill Fri 05-Feb-16 08:27:17

Thank you all. I know you are all right!!

I am actually doing fine and I am definitely enjoying the freedom. I don't miss him as much as I thought I would. The daily texting thing, is just so that I know that he is alive really! Made it through one more day, so to speak. He had never lived on his own before this.

The thought of not checking on him for a week, seems hard, but I know I am going to have to try. I didn't text him last night, and surprise surprise, I didn't hear jack shit from him. It's what I expected to be honest, but a bit annoying!

I know he is having a blast. He parties a lot. And he has discovered alcohol!

The idea about Whatsapp is a brilliant one, I would be fine just knowing he was alive, but he doesn't use it. If I could see he'd been on-line each day, I know I could go for weeks without contact.

Thanks though, you have all made me feel a bit better. I am being silly, aren't I?

His Uni is only 40 mins away in the car. That's great comfort. But DD has an interview soon, for a Uni that's 3 hours away. Nooooooo.

NerrSnerr Fri 05-Feb-16 08:29:28

I agree, text him once or twice a week and keep it light. He's an adult and there is so much going on at University.

I don't know about the money, do you feel that he should earn it by texting you?

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