I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years, since I was 18.
In December he told me he was unhappy, he felt like I didn't show him enough affection. Which is true really, I do struggle with physical affection but I've always tried to make up for it in other ways. Like my way of showing my love is to take care of him by cooking nice meals, giving him little gifts etc. Sometimes I think he is too needy, he constantly says I love you (often upwards of 5+ times a day) and if I don't say it back right away he views it as a rejection. Same if I don't want to hold hands or let him cuddle me. Like my favourite thing to do is lie in bed together, not touching, just talking or reading but he always wants drape himself over me or tangle our legs together and while I enjoy that sometimes it can be too much at other times. So I've been trying to be more affectionate and it's genuinely been nice but it is a struggle and sometimes I feel suffocated and need alone time.
Recently he has started to really focus on his appearance, dressing nicely, going to the gym etc. At first I thought he might have been feeling a bit inspired by me since I've been attempting to lose weight and make an effort with the way I look but it doesn't feel like it.
These days I am not a jealous or insecure person but I used to be. He was my first (and only) boyfriend and for the first year of our relationship when I was 18-19 I was quite badly behaved. Very jealous, insecure, no confidence or self-esteem. But I have not been like that for the past 6 years though he still sometimes acts as if I am. Before he goes out he will sometimes say stuff like "Don't worry, I'm not gonna cheat on you" but I always laughed it off because I trusted him 100%.
The other day I was using his phone to text my sister (no credit on mine, I often use his since he has a contract) and I saved a message to drafts. Later when I went back to find it I saw there were other draft/unsent messages to another woman, including a couple from that day, saying things like "You look so pretty" and "I will do anything to cheer you up". So I went snooping (I know, I know...). The thread of actually sent messages had been deleted. If he was just texting a friend why bother deleting the thread? Now he's done things like this in the past, messaging girls kinda flirty things and he's admitted that he likes the attention. I thought we had worked through it, and hadn't thought about it in years, but obviously not.
He did it back in August too. I saw he had been messaging a girl he used to be FWB with and deleting the messages. He said they were just catching up after not speaking for several years and he only deleted them because he didn't want me to get upset if I saw them. I just said I don't care who he's friends with and if they were just catching up why hide it? I have never ever tried to come between him and his friends. He made me feel like I was being an unreasonable bitch, all silly and petty, but I let it go. I thought maybe he was still worried I'd revert back to my silly teenage behaviour even though at the point I was 25 and hadn't acted like that in years!
Now he's not secretive with his phone, he often lets me use it, doesn't hide it or anything. So I'm mostly sure that I'm just being an idiot but there's a part of me that believes he is at least planning to cheat if he hasn't already and I don't know what to do. Do I let it go? Do I confront him? If so, how? I fear if I just ask him about it he will brush me off and make me feel like an idiot.
I've just recently stopped taking my antidepressants and I was feeling normal until this and now I can feel myself unraveling slightly & I feel worried. I've got no one else. No friends. Can't talk to my sister about this.
I'm sorry this is so long and rambley and so stupid compared to other issues that get posted here but I just need some advice or reassurance or a kick because I'm being an idiot.
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Relationships
Not sure if I'm being an insecure idiot or if I have reason to be suspicious?
Defiant · 03/02/2016 22:17
The facts are the facts.
- He told you he's unhappy.
- He feels like he doesn't get enough affection from you.
- He is texting other women.
- He is young and probably regrets playing the field.
- He is focusing on his looks, more then he used to.
He is either cheating, or planning to.
If it talks like a duck and walks like a duck....then it is a duck.
I would definitely snoop. You really do need to wake up and smell the coffee.
Fwiw (and this is a bit depressing) every guy I know, cheated on their Partner, when they were in their 20's. A mixture of immaturity, overload of testosterone? Goodness knows.
Did you stop your antidepressants yourself or were you taken off them by your GP? So where was he when you were using his phone? I don't know too many people who leave their phone at home if they are out, unless as TwoTwentyGowerRoad mentioned he has another phone. 
The right decision DefiantDefiant - Sorry it has turned out his way, but you have made the right decision. Better a clean break, then continual ups and downs in a relation esp. when you are still on antidepressants.
Do you feel like you will be able to cope while still weaning off them?
Sometimes partially typed messages save themselves as drafts if they have been sitting inactive for a few minutes.
Is there anyone in real life that you could talk to Defiant?
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