Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Just booked a Relate initial consult, can someone tell me what happens?

(17 Posts)
ShellingPeasAgain Wed 03-Feb-16 14:40:40

DH and I have major issues. Yet another huge bust up last night and I have booked a Relate session for Friday (just for me). Can someone guide me through what happens? Bit anxious about it. I get very emotional even when things aren't quite so fucking dire.

singlemumbelfast Wed 03-Feb-16 19:26:19

I've been to relate. First it depends how busy they are in your area. After the initial appointment you will go on a waiting list and have to wait for a counsellor to be able to do weekly sessions with you

At first appointment they ask for gp details. Children ages. What you both work as and why you are here

They have a duty of care to report any domestic violence that's why they might ask for everything

ShellingPeasAgain Wed 03-Feb-16 19:45:14

Okay, thanks. So just a general why you here sort of thing then? That will be a lengthy chat on it's own. BTW no violence just pretty shit relationship after 25 years together.

singlemumbelfast Wed 03-Feb-16 20:16:13

Yeah just a general chat and the person taking the session will ask you both do you want to continue counselling but you may have to do that with a different counsellor not her

And also agree a price based on what you both earn. I paid £35 a session but I've spoken to others since and they said they could only afford to pay £20 so bear in mind that it's for approx 3 months of weekly sessions.

I think relate is worth going to! At least you are both making an effort now

They also said to me it will get worse before it gets better so probably say that too lol X

singlemumbelfast Wed 03-Feb-16 20:16:58

It's about 50 mins a session and lots of that is them asking you questions

ShellingPeasAgain Wed 03-Feb-16 20:32:17

Thanks so much. My initial consult is £50! I can't keep that up for 3 months...

Counsellor I will see on Friday is male, not that should make any difference but I suppose I'd probably prefer to see a woman. Will have to see what happens. Mostly I just need an impartial ear.

singlemumbelfast Wed 03-Feb-16 21:17:58

Yeah it's based on what you both earn so you could say you can't afford £50 a session, they will never know.

Good luck I hope it helps.

Sometimes just clearing the air helps but I would def recommend going through the whole course. You can also go individually at the same time as couples counselling

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 03-Feb-16 21:40:10

The one thing that surprised me was that they stated that 50% of people in relationships who attend their counselling choose to end their relationship after counselling.

summerainbow Wed 03-Feb-16 21:41:17

Your initial is not offen counsellor you will see so if want to see a woman ask you might have wait till one becomes available in times you can do.

obilisk2016 Wed 03-Feb-16 22:55:07

You could ask for a woman if you prefer but first meeting essentially fact finding so maybe not so important - provided you are comfortable.
I have been through counselling with them and did not find it helpful but is worth a shot if you think you have something to save. male btw

StickyToffeePuddingAndCustard Wed 03-Feb-16 23:03:27

The initial assessment is not normally performed by the counsellor you'll have going forward.

janaus Wed 03-Feb-16 23:15:45

I intend to get counselling too. Havent done it yet. Very nervous also. And I dont know if I will be able to actually speak to stranger.
I have been keeping a journal, and making notes.
I am hoping to be able to just hand it over for counsellor to read, then they can take it from there.
Hope it works out for you too.
Awful situation to be in, never expected this.

ShellingPeasAgain Thu 04-Feb-16 07:50:32

Thanks everyone. Helpful to have some background.

janaus it is shit isn't it. I think I've just reached that point where I can't do it on my own anymore. I'm taking in notes too as I am dreadful for getting tearful and dissolving into a soggy emotional lump. Good luck for you going forward.

Overtiredbackagain Thu 04-Feb-16 08:59:06

I had Relate counselling, I think in total I had 4 sessions. That was all I needed to realise my marriage was finished. The sessions gave me clarity on so many aspects of my life. Just to sit and hear myself and what I was saying was relief. I have never looked back since flowers

DorotheaHomeAlone Thu 04-Feb-16 09:19:57

Glad people here have found their relate sessions helpful. I worked with relate as s counsellor until 18 months ago, not doing initial assessments though. The initial assessment is generally a lot of questions, helping relate identify the issues you want to tackle and record a bit about you and the relationship. You'll then probably be referred on to someone else. There can be a wait but that is the time to specify if you'd like to see a female counsellor.

Please don't worry about getting upset. The counsellor us well trained and experienced and should be very empathic. A lot of clients find even the assesment session very cathartic. It's just nice to be really heard by someone.

Final note, sorry if this is long, don't be afraid to change counsellors if you think it's not a good fit. You might have to wait a bit longer but it's worth working with someone you feel confident in.

ShellingPeasAgain Fri 05-Feb-16 21:36:11

Well it was okay. Counsellor was kind and non threatening. Basically used him as a sounding board for what was troubling me. Was asked some quite intense and personal questions especially regarding sex but was okay. I think I will go back althoughI have decided that the most likely outcome is that DH's and my relationship is over. Helps to have an impersonal ear and to hear what you actually have to say.

Fionajsd Fri 05-Feb-16 22:00:36

I went to relate with my hubby , totally saved our marriage and helped my hubby see how EA his family are , I can only say good things about it

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: