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Help me I'm so depressed

(19 Posts)
Tayman137 Wed 03-Feb-16 11:39:34

So I fell madly in love with this girl we dated for two months and seperate do a few days ago her ex was always in the picture upsetting her and asking her back she showed me she never wanted him back and the messages. We was going well together and madly love each other recently she stayed at mine for 13 days but failed to tell her mum she's 20 and I'm 21. So her ex found her and dragged her home and a police report was made. She said she needed space but I never understood and messaged her a lot and she thinks I'm clingy and needy now and she doesn't like that. We met yesterday and had a huge argument she's been faking a relationship with her ex to make her mum forgive her as her mum likes the ex. I saw a text saying they love each other but it was just for show and he visited her twice to play along with this fake relationship. She made the effort to call me and explain this is why she never told me why we broke up and needed space, she said she wil tell her mum it don't work with him and wants to take me back on
The 14th. I said it's now her turn to make the effort for me I won't message unless she does, he came over last night for dinner with her then went home and
Now she's saying she don't wanna try in case she hurts me an dos talking to him
What do I do we both still love each other and I miss her and love her so much but am I being taken for a mug or is she really trying this crazy plan to please her mum.

summerwinterton Wed 03-Feb-16 11:45:12

Doesn't sound like she loves you at all. This has so many red flags all over it you need to run away as fast as you can.

Sorry but too much drama, you do sound way over the top and far too needy.

Tayman137 Wed 03-Feb-16 11:52:29

In what way am I over the top and needy ?

summerwinterton Wed 03-Feb-16 11:54:07

She said she needed space but I never understood and messaged her a lot and she thinks I'm clingy and needy

Tayman137 Wed 03-Feb-16 11:55:00

Okay but I've been leaving her alone and she's messaging me when we first split she wouldn't even tell me why and it was just this stupid plan I never new what was up, I thought she was angry or running off with him

Tayman137 Wed 03-Feb-16 11:55:22

All I wanted was to know where I stand and what is happening she never gave me that till yesterday

Epilepsyhelp Wed 03-Feb-16 11:59:39

Sounds like she's playing you both, I would stay away.

Tayman137 Wed 03-Feb-16 12:00:44

Thanks I'll try I just need closure and a reason why we broke up just not I don't wanna hurt u and because of this stupid plan she couldn't tell me

hellsbellsmelons Wed 03-Feb-16 12:03:33

You're 21.
Forget this player and get out there and enjoy yourself.
She will cause you nothing but trouble and drama for-ever-more.
Block her number, Block her on all social media and live your very young life to the fullest.

gatewalker Wed 03-Feb-16 12:04:05

As much as you don't want to hear this, Tayman, it's time to call it a day. Any relationship that attracts the kind of drama you're writing about, and a third person, no matter how (apparently) unwelcome, is doomed from the start.

Look for something healthy, where the other person is there, consistently, does what they say they're going to do, and follows through with you.

gatewalker Wed 03-Feb-16 12:04:52

And as much as you want closure, you're going to need to give it to yourself. You will not get it with this woman.

Tayman137 Wed 03-Feb-16 12:12:56

Thank you all I'm starting to realise that I'm just a fool for love my previous relationship hurt me so much 3 years and I didn't think I could love again but she showed me I could that's why it hurts all the more

gatewalker Wed 03-Feb-16 12:14:39

Love begins with yourself. Otherwise every time you break up, it seems to disappear. And when you love yourself, you attract different relationships. Because you've changed too.

Tayman137 Wed 03-Feb-16 12:16:46

That's probably the most inspiring thing I've heard all day and it nearly brough a tear to my eye I need to learn to love myself again before someone else and she could probably do the same

gatewalker Wed 03-Feb-16 12:20:10

She could, yes. Though that's for her to do. You focus on you.


Tayman137 Wed 03-Feb-16 12:26:10

Thank you for helping me through this shit place any tips for me to become less worried in relationships at the sign of something going wrong I always wanna try resolve it and never argue so that's why I may seem clingy but I know arguments happen over nothing

goddessofsmallthings Wed 03-Feb-16 13:20:36

I just need closure and a reason why we broke up

When it comes to the ending of relationships we can't simply put the lid on our feelings, tie the box up with ribbon that's imprinted with 'the reason', and never think about them or the person again, but what we can do is accept that if a relationship is meant to be it will enhance our life instead of sucking the joy out of it.

The young woman you've recently been infatuated with has got her own demons and you're best advised to move on before they drive you into such a frenzy of insecurity that you begin to doubt your own worth.

When you reach ripe old age you'll look back and realise that every decision you made, no matter how insignificant it may have seemed at the time, served to create and shape your life. Use this knowledge to your advantage as it will enable you to make a good life for yourself and the dp and family you will eventually have if coupledom is what you want.

Like attracts like and if you focus on the positives you've got going for you, you'll find that all things are achievable and more good people than bad will come into your life.

You've got years of wonderful adventure ahead of you - don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy the ride. smile

goddessofsmallthings Wed 03-Feb-16 13:39:13

I didn't think I could love again but she showed me I could that's why it hurts all the more

Be glad that you're able to love and recognise that even bittersweet, or distinctly sour, relationships are proof that you are not divorced from your emotions and that within you is an infinite reservoir of love you can draw on to enhance the lives of others as well as your own.

Without our amazingly varied and far ranging feelings, as painful as they may be at times, we'd be robots - androids who dream of electric sheep and go about our lives in the most boring perfunctory and one-dimensional manner. grin

goodnightdarthvader1 Wed 03-Feb-16 13:46:29

You're very young. Plenty more fish in the sea and if she can't move on from her ex then you should leave her to it.

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