Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

At the end of my very long tether with my son .

(43 Posts)
frumpet Wed 03-Feb-16 07:06:39

DS is 21 and still lives at home . He does nothing of use at home , ignores requests to stop doing things that cause me issues , owes me hundreds in rent and I always have to chase him , sometimes for weeks to get it . He regularly gets me up at anytime between 0200 and 0400 am as he has lost yet another key , this is on nights when I then have to get up at 0600am .

Monday night or should I say Tuesday morning he was standing at the door as I came downstairs , I let him in and it was obvious he was on drugs , he staggered about for a bit and I made him go to bed , he spent the next hour talking to himself loudly . When I went to get the milk in there were two little plastic bags on the doorstep containing creamy coloured powder , a bit like popping candy in consitency . I have no idea what this could be ?

By the time I got back from work last night he was in the shower and when I got back from collecting my son from nursery he had gone out again . He knew that I was really angry with him so I assumed he had gone out with friends . Cue 2am this morning when I was woken by him banging on the front door , let him in and he was in the same state again . It took me 20 minutes to get him to go to bed as I didn't want to leave him alone downstairs as he has form for leaving doors wide open , the gas on etc . I then couldn't sleep until about 5 and up again at 6 .

He very rarely apologises for any of his misdemeanors , I apparently am unreasonable for even considering charging an adult rent .

Unfortunately my parents see my son as golden boy who can do no wrong and they spend all week , giving him lifts the two miles to his place of work and back .

What the hell do I do with him ?????

And sorry it is so long .

loveyoutothemoon Wed 03-Feb-16 07:10:41

Sorry but you need to kick him out.

goshhhhhh Wed 03-Feb-16 07:11:27

I think you need to ask him to leave. Get him to stay with grandparents for a while.

LocatingLocatingLocating Wed 03-Feb-16 07:11:34

Kick him out. And if your parents think he's so great, they can have him live with them!

Chocolate123 Wed 03-Feb-16 07:12:24

Does he work? I'm afraid tough love is needed here. Give him an ultimatum either get his act together or out he goes.

PotteringAlong Wed 03-Feb-16 07:12:47

I agree. Shape up or ship out.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 03-Feb-16 07:13:05

Kick him the fuck out. His grandparents can have him if they think he's that great.
Seriously - what happened? How does a 21 year old get to be so useless and selfish? He's an adult now, you're not obliged to provide him with a home.
The popping candy is probably mdma or mephedrone.

shiteforbrains Wed 03-Feb-16 07:20:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frumpet Wed 03-Feb-16 08:03:25

Thank you , got to leave for work , but will be back later .

frumpet Wed 03-Feb-16 08:05:03

He does work , after rent , if he paid on time and didn't owe back rent he would have about £800 a month for just spends !

ChubbyPolecat Wed 03-Feb-16 08:05:25

Kick him out. He doesn't respect you or your home

pocketsaviour Wed 03-Feb-16 08:24:52

You need to give him notice to leave if the back rent isn't paid up and he doesn't start doing his bit. The banging on the door is just so inconsiderate.

I had to do this with my son and he did end up moving out. It was the best thing for our relationship and he is a lot more sensible now as a result.

Sounds like your parents would probably put him up but I'd encourage him to get his own place. Plenty of flatshares around!

neolara Wed 03-Feb-16 08:30:42

Assume you have a young child in the house if you are collecting them from nursery. I wouldn't want to risk them finding drugs around the house.

I think I would probably issue an ultimatum. Come back drugged up again and you're out. Any drugs in the house and you're out.

SavageBeauty73 Wed 03-Feb-16 08:46:39

The drugs sound like MDMA.

Kick him out. You are not helping him.

timelytess Wed 03-Feb-16 08:51:18

Be prepared that when you kick him out (soon) his grandparents will take him in and he will abuse them, or at least abuse their hospitality. You really need to tell them the truth about him, tell them that you plan to tell him to leave, and that they must not take him in.

abbsismyhero Wed 03-Feb-16 09:39:35

let his grandparents take him in they will soon change their tune when he takes the piss

i would call the police for banging in the early hours (although not on a busy night) tell them i think someone is trying to get in im scared and alone with children (disclaimer i might not but i would bloody well be tempted)

DespicableBee Wed 03-Feb-16 09:55:15

Hes an adult, he can stand on his own two feet, he could rent a room in a shared house with other young people.
If he lives in your house he needs to respect your boundaries, personally i woukd give him a months notice to leave

Waltermittythesequel Wed 03-Feb-16 10:00:12

You're enabling him to keep up this behaviour. A landlord wouldn't put up with his shite.

Tell him to get out.

shoeaddict83 Wed 03-Feb-16 10:02:12

my parents charged us rent from the day we started earning which i consider fair! So i dont understand why he would say to you its unfair to charge an adult rent?!

I agree with other posters, you need him out and if the grandparents think the sun shines out his arse they can take him in and deal with 2am wake ups. He is not respecting you, your home or the fact you have work and a young child to look after too.

You cant have someone on drugs around a young child, what if he had picked up those packets thinking they were sweets?? Tough love is needed im afraid.

TheCrimsonPleb Wed 03-Feb-16 10:09:23

Sounds like MDMA. Not what you want lying around if younger kids live in the house.

He is taking the piss and he needs to grow up and take responsibility. That will only happen if he has to fend for himself. As long as you are carrying him he won't change a thing.

He needs to get a house share or flatshare and join reality. If the grandparents take him in he'll inwvitably shit in the nest there too. They'll wise up to him.

steppemum Wed 03-Feb-16 10:14:03

Please kick him out.

Give him a date, and say that by that date he has to be gone to his own place (or grandparents if they will have him)

I would speak to your parents, I wouldn't pass judgement, but give some facts - he wakes me up every morning at 2 am because he has lost his key, he is coming home regularly high on drugs and has drugs in the house, and so on. Tell them that you have decided he needs to find his own place where he can live as he pleases, then you will both be happier. If they want to take him in, that is up to them, but they need to know that he will do the same to them.
That way, you have warned them, but they have the choice.

Borninthe60s Wed 03-Feb-16 10:19:10

I've been in same situation. I'd suggest telling him clearly what the boundaries are and if they aren't adhered to he needs to leave, then the first time he breaks one ask him to leave.

Your son has by the sounds of it been spending all his money on drugs. He is taking cocaine, MDMA, ecstasy or similar.

TPel Wed 03-Feb-16 10:25:14

He is bringing drugs into a house with young children. He has to go.

Waltermittythesequel Wed 03-Feb-16 10:27:56

If anyone got wind of the fact that you have an adult drug user living in the house with your young child you could be in hot water.

And rightly so, IMO.

If, and I know it's an if, he's taking MDMA he will be unpredictable and can be a very real danger.

Buttercup443 Wed 03-Feb-16 10:34:02

Did you confiscate those bags? I'd have them tested by police if I were you.

Tough love is needed, I'm afraid. He needs to have a big wake up call now or will slide deeper into this world of drugs and coasting.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: