Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Roll up, roll up, it's dating thread 96

(1000 Posts)
MyGastIsFlabbered Tue 02-Feb-16 18:09:39

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory
10. No dating the thread
11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

eloquent Tue 02-Feb-16 18:16:30

Cheers gast!

RedMapleLeaf Tue 02-Feb-16 18:23:22

I'd rather keep it light hearted.

Re soho I think that this is the trick. Wean off the Deep & Meaningfuls and get it back to fun and light-hearted, a couple of dates a week. This will allay his fears that he's getting in to something more serious than he can handle and will future-proof you. I also think it will make him far more attracted to you

tanyadm Tue 02-Feb-16 18:26:03

Placemarking for when some irons show themselves...and to keep up with your antics! Thanks Gast, and when is someone going to sort my wine-fuelled typo "HALF" it's "HALF".

MyGastIsFlabbered Tue 02-Feb-16 18:32:05

Sorry Tanya it didn't even register!

MyGastIsFlabbered Tue 02-Feb-16 18:46:48

Oh happy days indeed, someone with the user name 'darklovesex' wants to meet me hmm

TooSassy Tue 02-Feb-16 19:05:10

Place marking.

You ladies finished a whole thread! What did I miss? grin

I took some time out to think about this dating lark. It's all a bit much really. My current priorities.
1) family
2) job
3) alone time
4) friends
I need to add working out to this list.
I'm currently messaging with scot, french, photographer and surgeon. All are trying to see me. It's starting to become a stressful pressure. Not fun.

I spent all weekend alone and I loved it. Didn't feel the need to arrange dates (--I ignored them)-- the whole weekend.
Is this normal? Is it a phase? Will it pass?

I just don't know how to do it. Tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way.

Scarftown Tue 02-Feb-16 19:16:25

sassy and Handy I'm in the same boat as you two I think. I have managed to push away accidentally or purposely all my irons and I'm just feeling it's all a bit of a stress and not as fun as it was at the beginning. Debating having February off and focusing on me and work imams moving house. We shall see. I did just get a message off a new guy lol

waving that's intense! I'd make it more light hearted if I could and take pressure off both of you.

I thought we were adding moose burgers to the rules smile

BornToFolk Tue 02-Feb-16 19:48:40

Ha eloquent I don't think we were talking about orgasm witholding...

314 You're right, of course. What man (or indeed woman) would go on a second date without thinking they "would"? And I did give him a stern "and I just mean coffee" proviso when asking him in. And the poor bloke had just met my mum and knew that DS was sleeping upstairs...he probably felt a bit intimidated. However, I just want a snooooooooog! grin My friend says that I should go over to his town so he doesn't have to drive, get us both drunk and just go for it. She may have a point...

waving I may be way off the mark here, but isn't Soho the one that is making it all deep and meaningful? And then whingeing that things are getting too serious, too fast? He does sound like hard work. And he is flat out telling you that he doesn't think he can handle a relationship. I still think that you should see him though.

TooSassy I think you sound very sorted! But stressful pressure is not so fun..

BornToFolk Tue 02-Feb-16 19:50:45

Oh god, I just pressed "post" and then realised that I sounded like a sex-crazed lunatic shock
I'm not, really. I am just a bit insecure and unsure of how I feel about him and how he feels about me and I'd feel better if there was a bit more physical stuff. Or flirting.

MrsGrahamCoxon Tue 02-Feb-16 20:08:07

I'm new and in a pickle. Met through OLD a month ago. Got on and had a good few dates initiated by him straight after each one.. lots of chemistry, flirting but also similar values and lots of random cool talks.
Text each other all day etc.
We slept together for the first time last week. Since then I haven't seen him (although hinted a couple times) but he's still texting me every day. I've 'dropped the ball' on a few occasions but he's carried on initiating the messages but no mention of seeing me.
He is quite insecure I think. Does he need a kick up the ass or should I back right off?
I like him heaps blush

WavingNotDrowning Tue 02-Feb-16 20:25:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WavingNotDrowning Tue 02-Feb-16 20:26:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WavingNotDrowning Tue 02-Feb-16 20:34:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandyWoman Tue 02-Feb-16 20:35:31

Yes good advice from red

BatshitCrazyWoman Tue 02-Feb-16 20:46:39

Arrrgh - I now have 3 irons, and finding it hard to juggle it all. With MrM there is lots of messaging, it's fun, and we're planning when to meet up. Running Man wants to meet next week, I've given him a day I am free, and now no answer. Am really really nervous, this is my first time OLD. I work in the middle of London, so does he, so wants to meet up there. But I am so nervous I'd rather meet somewhere a bit quieter ...

Just started messaging Spike (not his real name wink), he's keen to meet, but we've barely chatted, so I'm not sure.

Please tell me this absolutely fucking terrified feeling goes away.

sunflowerblue Tue 02-Feb-16 20:49:05

Hi, just place marking. Will catch up on the goss now...

WhoWants314 Tue 02-Feb-16 21:30:38

I think red is right waving. You guys are almost too close for him to handle. He needs that closeness more than you do but if it's labelled serious relationship then suddenly he thinks he can't handle it even though he's more needs than you do, and you're meeting more of his needs than he is yours So, fun sounds good. When he gets back, a focus on doing rather than talking could be just what the relationship doctor ordered.

I was wondering if my one and only Iron, who I'm going to name-change to OnlyIron from now on, cos I'm paranoid, had been thinking he'd made a mistake. But then I remembered, it's literally only Saturday since he told me how much he liked me. I remember how he kissed me when we were out on Saturday. Today he sent a text at about 9, I tried to engage him in a little chat but got nowhere but sad I know what time he's coming, what time the film starts....

Born believe me, I'm dying to have sex with OnlyIron again. I hope he comes back to the house, but I have the strangest intuition that it won't happen.

WhoWants314 Tue 02-Feb-16 21:33:27

Waving I'm totally back in touch with B now. I don't even care. He's not an iron. He's not going to be an iron. I am not going to change his mind. We might end up being friends. It's certainly easy to be his friend. I'm getting something out of the communication. I have accepted that he doesn't want a relationship with me. If it doesn't work out with OnlyIron then so be it, there are other men out there even though it's like wading through a haystack but hopefully, I'll still have B to chat to. That has really helped me recently, in fact, I don't know what HE gets out of it. He has supported me this last week confused

WhoWants314 Tue 02-Feb-16 21:42:43

Ok, counsel me through this if you have the patience. Or tell me to shut the fuck up or move on to a different iron. But as well as the not texting me very often OnlyIron told me that his last relationship was with a woman of 32 shock Now he didn't look like he was hankering after her or anything but a 17 year age gap. I find myself a bit intimidated by that, that he could 'pull' a younger woman. Most men believe they can. He could. I'm nearly 45. And now, I'm in good nic with all the working out, and all the not smoking and not drinking and pescatarian living [winking] but...... it's a bit intimidating, isn't it. Or am I just driving myself mad.

lalalalalalal am I going crazy.

RedMapleLeaf Tue 02-Feb-16 21:43:18

MrsGrahamCoxon I would actually call him on this. Did you discuss your post-sex expectations pre-sex?

RedMapleLeaf Tue 02-Feb-16 21:49:34

pi my attitude would be, "If he wants a 17 year old he's welcome to go and get one". It's not as though you're sitting around waiting for crumbs from his table, right? You're a busy woman with plenty to do and no time to waste on worrying about that kind of shit.

JollyXmasJumper Tue 02-Feb-16 21:49:59

Hi all!

So..thread 96 already, wow.

Sassy, taking a bit of time off from the dating turmoil seems to be a very healthy thing to do. I wish I were not that I addicted and could manage longer than 3 days. Uh.

Also seconding Red's advice to Waving. Looks like keeping it lighthearted would be good for you both. Just be wary of not ending up doing all the work there to keep it fun.

314 mmmh, OnlyIron is decidedly on the low texting side, uh? Well it is only Tuesday and your date is still happening so I would try not to worry. Good luck with that

So, I can speak about keeping it cool... hmm I sent Popcorn the dreaded getting back in touch text a couple hours ago. And obviously he has not answered. I know it was just hours and if I were him I would wait a couple days before replying, so. But here is the thing: I am now, against my better judgement and every single resolution I made, frantically checking my phone every 5 min. I am so angry that I put myself in the very same mess, all over again. Dammit, it is indeed fecking Groundhog Day here! Aaaaargh. angrysad

WhoWants314 Tue 02-Feb-16 21:51:07

From this..........

To this, in 8 dates. And he's treated me really well! confused Ach, I'm joking really. 95% joking. But there is 5% truth here.

WeeHelena Tue 02-Feb-16 21:56:12

Love following the threads but don't think I qualify to comment as not actively dating/looking for the one, i do have a Mr Fabby.

This thread is not accepting new messages.