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Man suspected of abusing dps dd

(15 Posts)
Namechangenamechange456 Tue 02-Feb-16 00:50:05

Now lives in the building of flats next to us.
DP's DD, A, doesn't live here or see dp. Long story but it was basically agreed she should be adopted and have no contact with her mum, court suggested dp should eventually have residency of A and the younger kids (Bs children,not DP's) should be adopted but after years of court and her DM not letting her see him, she didn't even know who dp was and her DM told her he was bad and it was his fault for reporting to ss that she no longer lives with them, she of course believed her. DP agreed to her staying with the foster carer she had been with through all the court stuff and currently they have no contact until/if A decides she wants it. Heartbreaking for dp but he doesnt/didn't want to force her.
I have seen the boxes full of paper work and social aervicea reports about all this so I do know dp isnt lying before anyone says that.
Anyway, it came out that B (dps ex's new partner) possiebly abused A. E.g sent to nursery bleeding down below, wearing a pad and the school were told she had started her periods early. Gp said that wasn't the case and he hadn't seen A.
Other things point towards it too, such as things A said about B.
And now he is living almost next to us and has anothrt small child of his own. I have no idea why he is even allowed to live with dc either he hasn't told them, or what I don't know but having seen the as reports involving him it is quite worrying.
So my questions are: how can I make living here less horrible for dp?
And should I mention any of this to his new partner, who I sort of know, well I sort of know her sister, in case she doesn't know? Or will that blow up in my face and she probably already knows about it all?

Namechangenamechange456 Tue 02-Feb-16 00:54:27

Sorry toe clarify the original plan was to stay with foster carers whilst increasing contact with dp, then changed to an adoption order when that wasn't working out, which do agreed to as was worried about her ending up in mulltipe placements all for the sake of seeing him when she didn't even remember him or want to see him, adoption order is no longer in place and is now long term foster care. It's all really confusing and hard to explain in a short way

PausingFlatly Tue 02-Feb-16 00:54:48

I'm sure more expert people will be along, but surely you should be talking to SS, and absolutely not any of the individuals involved?

Namechangenamechange456 Tue 02-Feb-16 00:59:45

I have no idea why I didn't think of that. Can I just send an email/letter saying not sure if aware they know B has had another dc and is living with them etc without putting my name because I don't really want to create a war, but also worry for their dc.

PausingFlatly Tue 02-Feb-16 01:01:13

I'm sorry for what your DP and his DD are going through re their relationship, but the relevant bit of your post is:

Anyway, it came out that B (dps ex's new partner) possiebly abused A. E.g sent to nursery bleeding down below, wearing a pad and the school were told she had started her periods early. Gp said that wasn't the case and he hadn't seen A.
Other things point towards it too, such as things A said about B.
And now he is living almost next to us and has anothrt small child of his own. I have no idea why he is even allowed to live with dc either he hasn't told them, or what I don't know but having seen the as reports involving him it is quite worrying.

You need to call SS in the morning and tell them this bit.

PausingFlatly Tue 02-Feb-16 01:04:32

Sorry, x-post.

I'm pretty sure you can report anonymously, and by phone would be quicker than letter. If you want to put your name to it, I don't know if you can ask them to keep it confidential.

Namechangenamechange456 Tue 02-Feb-16 01:06:46

SS know about those things from court and school reports just possibly not about the new dc. Should I just mention that he has another dc and I'm worried because of what I've heard about him and his other dc?

Namechangenamechange456 Tue 02-Feb-16 01:10:14

I don't really want to put my name to it as I do know her sister and sort of know the mum and my DC will probably end up going to the same schools when theyre old enough etc and I can see that not ending well but dont want to not do anything

PausingFlatly Tue 02-Feb-16 01:13:13

From what you've said, the pieces of info they may be unaware of are:
that he has a new DC, and
that he is living with the DC.

So tell them those.

Namechangenamechange456 Tue 02-Feb-16 01:22:39

There is always a possibility that B didn't abuse A, dps ex was incredibly manipulative, the psych reports pretty much hinted at sociopathy- compulsive lying, manipulative, fake emotions etc and she admitted telling A to say she doesn't like dp so it is possible.
However he certainly at the very least allowed and
took part in extreme neglect of the children and from what A said it seems he may have. But I suppose if SS have came to that conclusion then nothiing bad can come of me reporting, but if they dont know and haven't assessed the current situation, it doesnt really bare thinking about.
How the fuvk these people just carry on with their lives knowing they have probably caused 3 children life long problems is beyond me angry
Looking at DS sometimes I feel so sad for what his sisters been through, but she doesn't seem happy now and her foster carers seem great she's been there for almost 5 years but it all just seems so awful

Namechangenamechange456 Tue 02-Feb-16 01:23:53

*does seem

PausingFlatly Tue 02-Feb-16 01:29:07

So very sorry for what DD's been through, and still going through.

You're absolutely right: get the information to SS and let them decide what it means.

goddessofsmallthings Tue 02-Feb-16 01:43:29

My heart bleeds for A, your dp's dd who has been adopted by her former foster carers, and I hope she is receiving professional help to process and come to terms with the various abuses and abandonment she has suffered in her young life.

As advised by other responders, an anonymous call to the relevant SS department to report your concern that B is living with other dc, possibly his own, will not leave a paper trail that can be traced to you, or you can call the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 who will alert SS to the fact that a man who was suspected of sexually abusing a very young female child when he lived with her dm is now living with the dm of young dc who may or may not be his own.

You are best advised to name names and be graphic about the allegation(s) that were made about B, but omit your dp's name and details of the court proceedings/adoption in respect of A if you do not wish to be identified as the caller.

It occurs to me that these concerns would be better coming from your dp who may be adversely affected if A should decide she wants to have contact with him at some future date only to find that her alleged abuser is, effectively, living next door to her df.

Offred Tue 02-Feb-16 10:33:48

SS cannot tell people they investigate who has made a report - for obvious reasons.

It should not be traced back to you.

I think it is best to speak to SS or the NSPCC, though I would go direct to SS TBH.

Just tell them you have concerns because of A and wanted to make them aware he is living with DC, just in case.

Offred Tue 02-Feb-16 10:39:00

And poor A and your poor DP.

I just wanted to add a message of absolute support for your DP. I think his decisions re his daughter must have been absolutely heart breaking for him but from what you describe he has absolutely been putting what is best for her at the forefront of his mind. I have so much respect for his decision to allow the adoption rather than put her through a number of foster placements and to respect her wish not to live with him and carry on seeing her even though it has been as a result of terrible abuse of her by others.

Very difficult, not easy to know what is best and must be absolutely awful for him. From your description he sounds like a really wonderful man.

flowers for him.

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