Really pissed off with dp

[Abbinob]

2 YO woke up before us and we must have left the salt in the living room and he poured it everywhere.
DP got in a massive mood, told toddler off, shous at me because I said I hope he hasn't eaten any it will make him sick
"Well I'm not going to fucking hospital". OK, well I didn't even say to go to hospital I just said I hope he hasn't eaten any and we should keep an eye on him because it could make him throw up.
Then he went back to bed. Even though I was the one up with him last night (again)
And had taken him to my mums the whole of yesterday so dp had a day to himself.
And dp slept until 11am yesterday when I got up with DS.
I can't explain exactly why I'm pissed off but it has really pissed me off.
Why would your first instict be to say you're not going to hospital? Instead of worrying about DS?
I know there's no way DS would have eaten enough salt to overdose on it because he's be throwing up and it tastes disgusting etc, but surely a normal first reaction is to worry?not have a go at me for worrying

[Abbinob]

I'd be less pissed off ifhe at least said he was going back to bed, but he didn't he just want d untiko was getting DS a drink then went to bed. Just seems rude as fuck but maybe I'm just tired and grumpy who knows

[HumphreyCobblers]

I think it is perfectly clear why you are pissed off. He was unnecessarily aggressive, he gets lots of child free time and you don't and he should be letting you have a lie in as it is your turn.

[pocketsaviour]

Why would your first instict be to say you're not going to hospital? Instead of worrying about DS?
Because your DP is a selfish twat who doesn't accept that parenting involves both fun bits and shitty pain-in-the-arse cooling-my-heels-in-A&E-for-hours bits.

[HandyWoman]

He sounds pretty entitled and selfish - is this a one off or a general theme? From your post I'm guessing this is him generally.

The salt was left out and the dc is 2 so no point in telling him off after the fact.

unless he is under particular strain at the moment with job/family/illness/stress I'd be mightily hacked off and wondering who crowned him King of Everything.

YANBU

[Abbinob]

I don't want a lie in though, but he could have asked!
I've got 3 kids to take out today(ds, my sister and cousin)so he'll be having another child free day pretty much.then will no doubt get pissed off about my sister and cousin being here later

[Abbinob]

I'm just fed up with the constant tantrums from dp and the fact that he thinks he's a teenager or something. He's 25 ffs he doesn't need to sleep half the day, I'd understand if he had been up all night if DS was playing up, but he wasn't.

[HandyWoman]

Oh he sounds like a catch, OP - not.

My ex was like this. I tried to address it but in the end I had to get rid. This sort of behaviour breeds resentment and makes your clit shrivel. The next stage will be him moaning at you because you don't have enough sex - or is he already doing that too???

[Abbinob]

Handywoman- yep have had that too, but sort of subtly/not so subtly sulking rather than outright moaning.
I'm clearly an immature wanker but I keep sending DS to "wake daddy up" which for DS involved sitting and jumping on you.
I just went in the bedeioom to get something with DS and dp pulled the duveyly over his head. I have the rage

[Abbinob]

The duvet, not the duveyly

[HeddaGarbled]

Though a duveyly does sound like a lovely duvet : )

[Resilience16]

When I first read your post I bought it sounded like you were both tired and finding parenting a lively sprog a bit challenging (as we all do from time to time).
But then I read the bit about your DPs tantrums and sulks and that rang alarm bells with me. Does he fly off the handle alot? Is it all about him and how hard done by he is? The bit about not wanting your sister and cousin around also rang alarm bells. This sounds like prime EA behaviour to me. Take a long hard honest look at your relationship and consider your options.
Hugs and good luck x

[goddessofsmallthings]

Why would your first instict be to say you're not going to hospital?

The answer is because you're a selfish and self-absorbed manchild who has no thought or feeling for anyone else, including your own dc.

Give him a choice. Either he fully participates in family life or he fucks off as you have a young ds and can't be doing with an adult one.

Fwiw your 2yo should not be able to put himself in harm's way while his dps sleep, or be told off for parental negligence, and you're best advised to invest in safety gates and make sure that all noxious/toxic substances are well out of his reach.

[Mamamamamememememorenilkshake]

We have safety gates, but not in the living room. I usually do a check of the living room before bed and make surenothing dangerous has been left there but I fell asleep before I meant to so didn't do it

[Mamamamamememememorenilkshake]

But I do agree that DS shouldn't be told off as it was our fault, but it was an accident not neglect.I just forgot to take the salt out to the kitchen and DS was in our bed, usually he's in his own room with a safety gate on the door (live in a flat and the living room is right next to our bedroom)

[HandyWoman]

Namechange?

It was an accident not neglect. But your dp was a twat to tell a 2yo off for it. He's 2 FFS.

How's today been OP? Has he surfaced? Taken part in family life?

[Goingtobeawesome]

Don't let your toddler grow up with a man who doesn't love him.

[Mamamamamememememorenilkshake]

Yeahname change fail
He was weirdly good today, woke up and apologised to me, apologised to DS, came swimming with me and the kids, made DS dinner, helped out in general.
So now I'm confused as to wtf to think

[HandyWoman]

He knows you were starting to see him for the inadequate man he is. So he has temporarily upped his game both to keep you confused, and maintain the status quo.

My advice would be: watch his behaviour over the coming weeks and months. And in the meantime make sure you have belt-and-braces contraception in place because having more kids with him would be a mistake.

[tribpot]

Sounds like you needed the child-free day yesterday since you had a full-on day today. Why didn't that happen? (It's almost a rhetorical question since it's completely obvious why it didn't, your supposed partner is an immature, selfish wanker. But I wonder if you even bothered requesting a child-free day or if you just expect that all childcare is your responsibility whilst he sleeps).

[Mamamamamememememorenilkshake]

Lea sorry wtf in what world is it your business whose sperm I "accept" and as it happens, I was 15 weeks when I found out so a termination was hardly an option. I hope you don't "mind too much"
DS' life is anything but anxiety induxing, horrible, negative or disadvantaged.
You dont sound very nice ffs what is wrong with you.

[Mamamamamememememorenilkshake]

And I would gladly take accountability for 'the outcome' seeing as he is my son and is the most amazing happy funny little boy i know

[Mamamamamememememorenilkshake]

Handywoman I think I will keep an eye on his behaviour, he has had a lot of stress his disabled mother had a fall and just got out of hospital and his brother has has some quite serious problems, and he does worry about money alot, I still think he acted selfishly and like a wanker, but I'm tempted to give the benefit of the doubt this time because he did apologise and looked like he felt genuinely bad. I saw him apologising to ds for being grumpy too

[goddessofsmallthings]

By way of clarification neglect is failing to care for something while negligence is failing to take proper care over something, thus if your ds had harmed himself it would have been accidental as he's too young to know that eating too much salt could kill him but you and your dp were negligent in forgetting to put the salt, which you know to be a toxic substance for young dc, where he couldn't get at it.

It's not easy being a parent nor is it always easy being a child. Fortunately, most of us survive the experience but your dp is yet to become a father in the true sense of the word otherwise, on the basis that two minds are better than one, he would have noticed the* oversight and his concern for ds's welfare would have ensured the salt was put away.

Please note that I haven't said 'your' oversight, OP, because loving and caring parents work as a team in ensuring that their infant dc are not exposed to risk of accidental injury or other harm.

[HandyWoman]

I think Lea's post was unnecessarily harsh.

And I'm sure your DS is the light of your life, OP, but you would be wiser to stop thinking about him and his behaviour. Start thinking more about what standards you expect from your life partner in terms of his ability to be a support to you and an example to your ds, who is learning every day from your do what it means to be a dad (cf what Lea was alluding to).