I will try and keep this short.
My parents are hard work. DM is controlling but PA and Dad is classic enabler, anything for an easy life. My relationship with them, particularly DM has often been fraught but I 'manage' it now. I live 200 miles away from them and keep contact on my terms. Also they do have their good points and they are my parents and I love them. The issues I have will never be resolved now, they are in their 70s and I have made my peace inside my head. Though they still drive me mad at times.
DH however......he struggles with all of it. He doesn't like they way they have treated me in the past. He gets very annoyed with them when they visit. They take over basically. If he raised it there would be a row. This happened a few years ago when he lost his temper after he was locked out the house because my mum had decided to tidy his keys away. Things were difficult after that and have never really recovered. I know the keys thing is trivial but it was the straw that broke the camels back situation.
We spent Xmas with them on neutral territory. DH didn't enjoy it all. He is quite a negative person at times unfortunately which doesn't help. He always interprets their actions as an attack on him. Sometimes he might be right but not always. Although they love our kids, they didn't really help us out with them over Xmas and it was exhausting, my mum 'rationed' the Xmas dinner by not allowing us to help ourselves ( she always puts it out tbh which I know is controlling), my Dad made a big thing of always sitting at the head of the table.....this pisses DH off. There was other trivial stuff which kind of built up.
I kind of let this stuff ride over me but DH has no reason to I guess. He thinks they treat us like kids and he is right to an extent. The problem is that when they visit DH just withdraws. He just goes out and hardly makes an effort to speak to them. It is so obvious. Makes it embarrassing for me. I just gloss over it and lie to parents, say he has stuff on etc. However DH is still angry about Xmas and I know next time they visit tensions will be high.
So I have controlling parents, a PA mum and a negative DH who borders on the paranoid ( who,e other thread). I find it all exhausting and don't know what to do.
There is no way I could open this up for discussion. My parents are so entrenched and will never acknowledge their faults. When DH tried to have an honest discussion with them it nearly destroyed my family tbh.
Any advice?
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Relationships
My parents and DH
Toraleistripe · 31/01/2016 06:55
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