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can i ask him to leave?

(4 Posts)
moopulous Sat 30-Jan-16 23:56:40

hello again, i have recently posted another thread in this section
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2551845-making-a-decision
however if you don't want to read it quick recap: partner and me have been together 3 years, very good friends for around 8 about 3 months into our relationship he cheated on me 4 times with 3 different people. Although we were 17 and had yet to have any children, found this out (from him) whilst pregnant with our second.

Anyway, i am still very much undecided on what i want but do not want him living with me, i plan on telling him although we are broken up there will not be anyone else and im focusing on our family and us ect.. if he steps up is here seeing the children trying with me then great maybe he was a stupid teenager and now reformed family man but if he's out drinking trying with other women then i know where his priorities lie and can move on, although will be very hard and am hoping thats not what happens.

but... he doesn't want to leave and i don't know if i can push him? as we didn't have any children at the time i feel like he didn't do it to them or our family now? so saying you can't see them all the time feels a bit wrong, although i would tell him he was welcome anytime, if he said that to me, i'd tell him no and would not move on the issue, maybe because they are very young (2 and 2 months) and he has never really been their main carer, although does spend alot of time with them. anyway is it fair to push him to leave? surely he'll have to go anyway if we can't get over it?
my heads a mess and am obsessing big time so, thankyou for reading my huge post any advice appreciated

HeddaGarbled Sun 31-Jan-16 00:36:08

Hello. My understanding is he was having sex with lots of girls very early on in your relationship while you thought you were exclusive. You were both 17. Then he picked you and has been faithful to you since. You have had two children very quickly and very young. You are not married.

Statistically, the chances of you breaking up are high. This is nothing to do with whether he is a congenital cheater or not. This is simply statistics. Unmarried couples of your age with or without children are more likely to break up than stay together.

Most 17 year old boys, if offered opportunities for sex, would have to be saints not to turn it down. He didn't treat you very well but I do think it's unrealistic to expect a 17 year old to only have sex with one other person in their entire lives. That applies to you too.

How old are you both now? 21? You could make a go of it if you genuinely love each other but it will be 50 plus years. You are as likely to get bored with monogamy as he is.

timelytess Sun 31-Jan-16 00:45:03

Or you could say 'He cheated on me. Why would I want to be with him?' and ask him to go. Who goes is about where you live, if its rented, in whose name etc. Other people know more about this than me.

bb888 Sun 31-Jan-16 06:39:27

Its up to you whether you want to carry on in a relationship. If you split up then the actual mechanics of what happens will proably depend on things like whether the house is owned or rented, and in which name(s).

If you aren't sure then maybe its worth spending more time thinking on it? Its really hard splitting up when you have children, and must be much much harder if you aren't 100% sure.

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