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How do you maintain 'closeness' in a weekend only relationship?

(8 Posts)
Ladylouanne Sat 30-Jan-16 21:45:12

Especially when the man in question isn't exactly the last of the great romantics when it comes to phone calls/texting.

We have lovely times together every weekend but don't meet during the week due to distance /work etc. I just feel that by the time we go through the week, we've lost so much of the closeness we had e previous weekend, and almost need to 'start again' the next time we meet. He texts me every day and we speak a couple of times in the week, but honestly, while he will always talk about his day, asks after mine etc (all of which is fine), I'd like Him to be a bit more forthcoming about whether he's missing me etc. I don't want anything overtly sexual in texts, but just something to distinguish them from the sort of thing he'd send to his mother would be nice.

Am I being too needy here?

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sat 30-Jan-16 22:16:08

I don't think you're being needy - I totally understand what you mean about maintaining the closeness in weekend only dating - but think it's unrealistic to hope that an undemonstrative unromatic man will send "miss you" texts. Have you been together long?

Claraoswald36 Sat 30-Jan-16 22:17:58

I had this with exp. I got really fecked off with it after a while and the relationship collapsed. I felt single most of the time.
You can say to him look I'm not happy with our pattern of contact and see what he says

Ladylouanne Sat 30-Jan-16 22:33:02

We've been together 4/5 months. He's always been the same and to be honest I've tried to see the positive side in his 'style' too. I've 'been there, done that' with a man who was good on the words but whose actions never matched them, and I don't want that again, so I've tried to take comfort from what he does rather than what he says.

He is totally lovely when we are together.

I think it would be fine if we saw each other even once int he week,because then all the good stuff would still be there. It just feels to get a bit lost in the week.

Resilience16 Sun 31-Jan-16 05:58:38

Hi there, this is my take on the weekend only relationship, having been there myself.
First of all you have to ask why it is weekends only? Is it due to work, family commitments, distance? Realistically if you both wanted to meet up through the week you would find a way to make it happen ,even occasionally. If that isn't happening you need to think about why?
Weekend relationships are great in that it's all lovely dovey when you meet up again, but it gets to be kind if ground hog day if you never move on from that stage. Real life tends to be put on hold as you don't want to "spoil" the limited time you have together but then nothing really get aired or discussed and resentments can start to build.
I think I went into a relationship like this hoping it would build into something more, but the guy involved was quite happy with his weekend meets and the minimal effort needed through the week.
If the relationship isn't meeting your needs you need to talk about it to see how you can move things along,or if he is resistant to that then accept that for him it is a bit of "weekend delight", and if you want more you are going to have to move on.
Good luck !

SelfLoathing Sun 31-Jan-16 10:54:46

He sounds a bit intimacy avoidant tbh.

Cabrinha Sun 31-Jan-16 14:38:17

Maybe he doesn't miss you in the week?
I don't mean that nastily!
But I work away weekdays - only EOW since children, but before that every week. And I never missed my partners /husband. It's just life, and never long til a weekend.

To the working away thing, so do all the people in my team, so I've got experience of about 10 people who do this. I know more actually, but I'd say there are 10 that I know well enough to have discussed the impact on relationships.

I know one feels like he intrudes on the family routine when home - but he has a poor marriage, and knows he should have left long ago.

The rest of us, well - the very idea that we lose the closeness from one weekend just by being away for 5 days is a bit silly. Perhaps if you can't sustain closeness, even though you're chit chatting each day, it's because you're simply not that close yet? Either because it's only been 5 months, or because he's not right for you.

Ladylouanne Mon 01-Feb-16 18:59:22

Thanks for your responses everyone, you've given me some things to think about.

FWIW, having spent nearly all of yesterday with him, I definitely wouldn't class him as 'intimacy avoidant'! I suspect half the men in Britain might fall into this category if the main indicator is not being on the Lord Byron end of the love note writing spectrum 😄

Resilience - basically the weekend only arrangement stems from all the things you mention - work/distance and child care (mine). My DD is older though but still needs a fair bit of driving around and this should improve after the summer I hope. There is definitely a feeling of not wanting to 'spoil' our time together, not that there have been disagreements.

Cabrinha - what you describe reminds of the situation when I was married and my husband worked away for periods. I didn't miss him as such, in fact I quite enjoyed the time on my own. However, we had been married for yonks which is where the difference is.

Anyway, I think the answer might be for me to lead the way a bit. After posting on Saturday night, he texted saying he was looking forward to seeing me the next day. I sort of followed on from that and it was really nice - not too much but just enough to feel affectionate and really happy. The thing is, he will often comment about things when we are together that indicate he's been thinking about me in the week - I just wish he'd mention it at the time!

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