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What to do

(5 Posts)
Wonderingwheretogo Sat 30-Jan-16 19:55:57

I've NC not that I'm on here enough to be nobbled lol just for my own peace of mind.

I've been married for 9 years next month and I'm wondering what's left for me if I stay as I am.

Husband is a lovely bloke, great father and works hard - only problems we have are that he doesn't pull his weight around the house unless I ask him to do stuff - never does things off his own back. I'm at uni on a v busy full time course, we have 3 kids with the youngest being 3 so still can be hard work and tiring.

Problems in my eyes are - I don't 'fancy' him I've never felt that way about him and have been OK with that as all previous partners who I did fancy were not good for me and usually cheated on me - change of type has seen us in a secure relationship without the passionate arguing and making up - we just get on and have a laugh. Sex is ok though since October last year it's been non existent as I've become bored with the same old same old and as awful as it sounds if he can't be arsed to help me around the house then I can't be arsed to get laid. Add in the fact that I've been on fluoxetine and the implant since Jan 13 which I'm sure has had an impact on my libido. I've had implant removed and been off AD's for past 2 months and have felt my sex drive return - but not to the point where I want to get it on with hubbie instead I've been daydreaming about past encounters with ex's that we're passionate and exciting. I don't have any notion to get back with any ex they treated me like crap but it's the lust and passion that I would like back.

How do I decide between staying put but knowing I'll never have that mind blowing connection again or calling it a day even though there's nothing hugely wrong with our marriage??

DawnMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 30-Jan-16 20:30:31

Hi there, we're moving this over to our Relationships topic so the OP can get some advice.

spudlike1 Sat 30-Jan-16 20:42:18

You can't blame your husband for you depression, boredom or demanding life...you can take practical steps to sharing the domestic chores and improving your sex life by talking to him and spelling out your needs and wants , tell him how you feel . You've married a good man you say so yourself, read some other posts on here to realise what life could be like if you didn't .
Fantasising about a passionate affair is fine and dandy but the real.life version would be a nightmare.
Make more effort to address your unhappiness , stop blaming him .

jazzyg Sat 30-Jan-16 21:34:20

Ok let me get this straight... you are married to a decent guy, who is a good father, works hard and does actually do things when you ask him to, you get on well and have a laugh, you have three lovely children, you are able to study full time. But the problem is you don't have the urge to rip his clothes off every day because he's not an Adonis??? Please be thankful for all that you do have (which is an awful lot btw) and just make an effort to improve things in the bedroom.

bb888 Sat 30-Jan-16 22:46:31

Its a big decision. Hard as well when the children are young. Maybe the best first step is to put effort into making the relationship work and then reassess how you feel.
Would you rather be single than in the relationship you are in?

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