Quick question - managing sexual relationship when you have children

[Dreamonastar]

I've met someone. It's not serious and nor will it ever be.

However, I do have young babies and I am wondering how best to manage this.

I was thinking it's probably easiest if he comes to mine and doesn't meet the children as they will be in bed by then. Is that OK? Or - not.

Obviously don't want to discuss this in RL!

[Branleuse]

can he come round when the children are with their dad, or your mum?

[Dreamonastar]

No - they are always with me

[springydaffs]

You may want to get the title reworded!

[Dreamonastar]

:) hehe didn't even notice that! How embarrassing!

[wannaBe]

Tbh if the relationship is never going to be serious then no, I wouldn't say it was ok to have a man round for sex when the kids are in bed.

If a relationship is developing and has the potential to be serious then if the DC were to wake up and find him there you could explain that he was mummy's friend and introduction would just happen a bit earlier than you'd anticipated. But given it isn't serious I would say that you need to manage sex for a time when the kids aren't there.

[Boxymcloxy1900]

Yes I thought that about the title!

Anyway, unless you cosleep and literally never put them in the sling/pushchair/cot then I think it's just a case of being creative?

[Dreamonastar]

The problem is, they are never not there!

[caroldecker]

Babysitter and his place?

[Dreamonastar]

That's the other possibili, if people think it's really inappropriate to have him round at mine.

[Throwingshade]

Report this and get titled changed - it doesn't really warrant a smilie face and 'he he' response, even if you didn't intend confusion/offence

[Dreamonastar]

Well I think it's fairly obvious it wasn't intended to be honest.

[Dorie22]

I think aslong as you can guarantee your dc wont wake up then its fine for him to come round, agree with springydaffs though, title of this thread does need rewording

[Prayingforsnow]

I think if you've been seeing someone some time, it's fine. If it's a new or casual relationship, I would take more care. Build up some trust before they come round, especially if you meet someone online. I have found men put on a lot of pressure to get a shag and the fact you might have children in bed asleep doesn't worry them in the slightest. I chatted to one man for a week and when I couldn't get a babysitter, he wanted to come to my home for the evening and I had never even met him before!

[Dreamonastar]

It's not online (if that makes a difference) but it's only ever going to be casual.

[1DAD2KIDS]

Personally I would be wary of having someone stay round that you don't know well if your kids are there too. I know you'll supervise him but personally it doest sit easy with me.

But I do also understand your situation and we all have needs right? I would definitely try another solution like babysitter and sleep with him somewhere else. Plus that would probably be more romantic/sexy not being worried about the kids. At the end of the day you need to prioritise your responsibility to the kids over your need. That of course is my opinion. I am not going to tell you how to live your life. At the end of the day just ask yourself hand on heart what is best for the kids. If after that you think it's ok then that is fine. We have different ideas.

[Dreamonastar]

I think I feel instinctively happier about them being with me (they are v young) rather than with a babysitter.

He's a decent sort I think :)

[Branleuse]

If you want to have a sex life, then its really going to be better if you can get someone to have them here and there. doesnt have to be overnights does it?

[Dreamonastar]

No, but it's quite nice to have them there overnight

[LondonWell]

I always got a babysitter and stayed over at his or mine (when dds were at their dad's or my mums for overnights). Much simpler and it meant I could go out for proper dates rather than men just coming over for sex, which would have felt a bit seedy.

[Dreamonastar]

It's just one man, not a whole bus queue!

[1DAD2KIDS]

If I can add my 2p. I think maybe day time is the best solution. If your not happy with leaving them with a baby sitter. It not perfect as it is nice to spend the night together. But in my opinion it's probably the best trade off between having a sex life and the security/wellbeing of your children.

[HarmlessChap]

Get a baby sitter otherwise it sounds worse than being a teenager and shagging quietly that your parents don't hear.

[Prayingforsnow]

When you say, it's quite nice to have them there overnight do you mean the guy will be staying? How would that work? If you mean that, it doesn't sound very casual to me.

[niceupthedance]

I wouldn't let anyone stay overnight if it was casual sex.

[Dreamonastar]

Well, there's an area between casual sex and a relationship, isn't there?