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Quick question - managing sexual relationship when you have children

(32 Posts)
Dreamonastar Sat 30-Jan-16 17:03:20

I've met someone. It's not serious and nor will it ever be.

However, I do have young babies and I am wondering how best to manage this.

I was thinking it's probably easiest if he comes to mine and doesn't meet the children as they will be in bed by then. Is that OK? Or - not.

Obviously don't want to discuss this in RL!

Branleuse Sat 30-Jan-16 17:32:23

can he come round when the children are with their dad, or your mum?

Dreamonastar Sat 30-Jan-16 17:33:23

No - they are always with me

springydaffs Sat 30-Jan-16 17:33:40

You may want to get the title reworded!

Dreamonastar Sat 30-Jan-16 17:36:51

smile hehe didn't even notice that! How embarrassing!

wannaBe Sat 30-Jan-16 17:41:15

Tbh if the relationship is never going to be serious then no, I wouldn't say it was ok to have a man round for sex when the kids are in bed.

If a relationship is developing and has the potential to be serious then if the DC were to wake up and find him there you could explain that he was mummy's friend and introduction would just happen a bit earlier than you'd anticipated. But given it isn't serious I would say that you need to manage sex for a time when the kids aren't there.

Boxymcloxy1900 Sat 30-Jan-16 17:41:23

Yes I thought that about the title!

Anyway, unless you cosleep and literally never put them in the sling/pushchair/cot then I think it's just a case of being creative?

Dreamonastar Sat 30-Jan-16 17:43:16

The problem is, they are never not there!

caroldecker Sat 30-Jan-16 17:46:28

Babysitter and his place?

Dreamonastar Sat 30-Jan-16 17:47:01

That's the other possibili, if people think it's really inappropriate to have him round at mine.

Throwingshade Sat 30-Jan-16 17:47:42

Report this and get titled changed - it doesn't really warrant a smilie face and 'he he' response, even if you didn't intend confusion/offence

Dreamonastar Sat 30-Jan-16 17:48:46

Well I think it's fairly obvious it wasn't intended to be honest.

Dorie22 Sat 30-Jan-16 17:49:23

I think aslong as you can guarantee your dc wont wake up then its fine for him to come round, agree with springydaffs though, title of this thread does need rewording grin

Prayingforsnow Sat 30-Jan-16 18:06:56

I think if you've been seeing someone some time, it's fine. If it's a new or casual relationship, I would take more care. Build up some trust before they come round, especially if you meet someone online. I have found men put on a lot of pressure to get a shag and the fact you might have children in bed asleep doesn't worry them in the slightest. I chatted to one man for a week and when I couldn't get a babysitter, he wanted to come to my home for the evening and I had never even met him before!

Dreamonastar Sat 30-Jan-16 18:12:11

It's not online (if that makes a difference) but it's only ever going to be casual.

1DAD2KIDS Sat 30-Jan-16 18:17:16

Personally I would be wary of having someone stay round that you don't know well if your kids are there too. I know you'll supervise him but personally it doest sit easy with me.

But I do also understand your situation and we all have needs right? I would definitely try another solution like babysitter and sleep with him somewhere else. Plus that would probably be more romantic/sexy not being worried about the kids. At the end of the day you need to prioritise your responsibility to the kids over your need. That of course is my opinion. I am not going to tell you how to live your life. At the end of the day just ask yourself hand on heart what is best for the kids. If after that you think it's ok then that is fine. We have different ideas.

Dreamonastar Sat 30-Jan-16 18:20:10

I think I feel instinctively happier about them being with me (they are v young) rather than with a babysitter.

He's a decent sort I think smile

Branleuse Sat 30-Jan-16 18:32:01

If you want to have a sex life, then its really going to be better if you can get someone to have them here and there. doesnt have to be overnights does it?

Dreamonastar Sat 30-Jan-16 22:59:04

No, but it's quite nice to have them there overnight

LondonWell Sat 30-Jan-16 23:36:16

I always got a babysitter and stayed over at his or mine (when dds were at their dad's or my mums for overnights). Much simpler and it meant I could go out for proper dates rather than men just coming over for sex, which would have felt a bit seedy.

Dreamonastar Sat 30-Jan-16 23:43:32

It's just one man, not a whole bus queue! wink grin

1DAD2KIDS Sun 31-Jan-16 00:31:41

If I can add my 2p. I think maybe day time is the best solution. If your not happy with leaving them with a baby sitter. It not perfect as it is nice to spend the night together. But in my opinion it's probably the best trade off between having a sex life and the security/wellbeing of your children.

HarmlessChap Sun 31-Jan-16 00:42:53

Get a baby sitter otherwise it sounds worse than being a teenager and shagging quietly that your parents don't hear.

Prayingforsnow Sun 31-Jan-16 06:57:39

When you say, it's quite nice to have them there overnight do you mean the guy will be staying? How would that work? If you mean that, it doesn't sound very casual to me.

niceupthedance Sun 31-Jan-16 07:39:59

I wouldn't let anyone stay overnight if it was casual sex.

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