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Was she abusive or was it my fault!!

(10 Posts)
Toots16 Sat 30-Jan-16 14:51:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurBlanche Sat 30-Jan-16 14:57:52

Read that back, with my name, me in place of you.

Blanche lived with her ex partner for 3 years... All of Blanche's family and friends seems to think she was abusive and controlling. When they first met she was brilliant but then after about 3 months things changed, she hated Blanches friends and seen them as some kind of threat so Blanche cut them off... Blanche had 2 close friends who she had known since being little, Blanche's ex didn't like them but tolerated them for which Blanche was grateful... Blanche was never allowed to watch tv or listen to music or read books and especailly no internet unless her ex could see what she was doing... [In public] Blanche wasnt allowed to make eye contact with any woman or world war 3 would break out, her ex has been violent or 3 or 4 occassions and is very harsh with word... Recently Blanche became ill... and went to stay with her mum, Blanche told her ex told her they didn't have to break up but she needed to get better. [In response] her ex cut all contact, changed her number, only reply to emails to tell Blanche that its all her own fault for abandoning her ex.

What do you think now?

Toots16 Sat 30-Jan-16 15:03:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurBlanche Sat 30-Jan-16 15:05:52

Has it helped you feel less guilty? Less needy of her?

I hope so. It sounds as though you got yourself into a place that you needed to get out of.

Without wishing to sound trite, make 2016 the best new start you can.

Good luck.

MoominPie22 Sat 30-Jan-16 15:08:04

Hang on, u posted yesterday. Under a different name I think? Why didn't u just resume your original thread? I posted remarking how brave u were to take on 5 kids that weren't yours. I don't understand why you've started a new thread. We've not got amnesia around here u know?!

moopymoodle Sat 30-Jan-16 15:11:23

Without a shadow of doubt she is abusive. It's not normal to treat someone you love that way!

We all have our insecure moments sure, but when things turn violent and escalate into complete control to avoid dealing with insecurities then it becomes abuse.

Toots16 Sat 30-Jan-16 15:21:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurBlanche Sat 30-Jan-16 15:26:46

Don't worry about starting a new post. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. Even in the small scheme of things, it isn't important, honestly.

It's a good thing that you see her differently and have moved past feelings for her. Just concentrate on yourself.

Toots16 Sat 30-Jan-16 15:32:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurBlanche Sat 30-Jan-16 15:42:16

Well, she may never have been all that invested in you as an individual; She may feel she is better off without you; She may feel you are the nastiest bitch in christendom, or the most needy, or a whole host of other things that you have absolutely no part in or control over.

You don't need to know or understand. Whatever she had lived through was her life, not yours. You don't have any obligation to fix it, agree with it, understand it, live with it, makes excuses for it.

It's the trying to understand the incomprehensible that kind of traps you in a loop. Stop trying. It's of no importance to your life.

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