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Not sure what I feel(4 Posts)
I have been In a relationship for 10 years I am 27 and we have a child together however I am constantly questioning my feelings for him. We get on well and hardly argue but we do nothing as a couple partly because I never want to its like we have no spark/passion but its all on my behalf because he genuinly loves me. I questioned my feelings over the years on and off and always got over it and felt sad thinking of not being with him. But i always wonder are we more like friends. Or is this how relationships are after 10 years? Should you still be doing all that kissing, holding hands and cuddling like in the early days or does every relationship go like this after the honeymoon period as they say. I try to put him off proposing to me because it scares me because i know in my heart something is wrong like i am unsure. I imagine walking down the isle on my wedding day with doubts or tears knowing its not real love. But then i come back to reality and think i can't imagine being without him. You see why i am so confused? It doesn't help that in the end of 2014 i was in a shop and made eye contact with a guy and he looked back as he walked off and i have never felt a connection so strong on my behalf it was all those exciting feelings you get when you first meet someone. Anyway sad i know but ever since then i keep thinking about this guy on and off. I think its because i wanted to know what that meant why did he make eye contact and then look back? I have since came across him on social media i was in total shock because i didn't even know who he was. I have not spoke to him though as i do not know him. That situation adds more doubt to my relationship where i think surely if i can even look at someone else my feelings for my partner must not be strong enough right? Our sex life isn't the worst but i never feel in the mood i am always saying no so it only happens once a month or so sometimes less sometimes longer it depends. I just know this relationship is more one sided its him constantly trying and me not so much because of the doubts. I wish i could make sense of it all and know what i want. I just feel torn because having a child i don't want to split a family up unless i'm certain thats what i want. Thanks in advance for reading and giving advice or experiences yourself you have been through x
Do you think there's work you and your DP could do on your relationship, which would reignite more of a spark? Do you still manage to get time together as a couple, now you have DC?
I think that mad moment of eyes meeting across a crowded room (pheromones?) happens quite frequently and feels very intense, but given 10 years, nappy changing, etc, most real relationships feel some strain. It's very unlikely the man you saw would still seem as eyewateringly attractive once he'd left his dirty washing on the bathroom floor a few times...
I think what your saying is exactly true which is why i am not being niave about the situation i know all relationships change as time goes on it doesn't stay how it did in the early days. We do get some time together but when we do we don't act like a couple for e.g if we was to stay in and have a film night we would sit on different sofas rather than together. I lack that spark i don't look at him and feel physically attracted to him i think its like anything to do with our relationship is a chore to me and i don't know why. I feel sad because i wish i could feel the same way back like be 100% certain and not even have to question my feelings.
It sounds like you are still working out how you feel and that might take a bit of time to work through. Have you thought about trying to put some active effort in to reconnect as a couple? It sounds like you don't want to carry on with the status quo, and trying to change things should help clarify your mind one way or the other rather than just keeping going on feeling uncertain.
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