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Boyfriend had an addiction what do I do?

(63 Posts)
Leaneedshelp Fri 29-Jan-16 10:25:45

Hi there im 25 and my boyfriend is 26. it's a very long story to be honest but it starts from 6 months into our 2 and a bit years relationship my boyfriend dumped me 6 months in for 24 hours then came back saying his made a big mistake. Then everything was fine again as time went on I noticed he was doing things that you shouldn't be whilst in a relationship like a girl posted on social networking like for my number and he liked it why when he has me? Then I pulled him up on that and everything carried on as normal but all I kept getting was a feeling that something was going on like something I should know so I went through his phone to put my mind at ease but that wasn't the case he had been messaging a girl flirting calling each other babe and baby something he calls me so I pulled him up on that and that stopped then I started getting that gut feeling again so again I looked in his phone and his had numerous dating site accounts when I notified him I knew this he lied and confused his own lies because first he said one of his friends was on about it so he had a look then he said his email account had been hacked which was a lie because in that case you would just get a new one all he did was change his password so I couldn't get on it. So I had a breakdown then and he said it would stop so again we started again by this time I was pregnant with our little boy who is now 6 months so overly emotional anyway and I thought once baby was here he would change but no things still kept going on now I know he has a Twitter account dedicated to porn following over 2,000 naked pornographic women and even attempts to chat to them and also he had yet another dating site which he had been using this is recently and during our first 6 months I found out the other day he had been talking to his ex saying he was living the single life that basically he dumped me because I was boring in more ways than one and they even spoke about getting back together it just breaks my heart we have a beautiful baby and he was planned as all we both ever wanted well at least that's what he says but yet he doing all this what do I do I love him but he just keeps hurting me, I mean last week I wrote him an essay of 11 pages saying everything his done and how I feel I literally poured my heart out, he wrote one back but not really giving me what I wanted out of it it was only 2 pages. He tries to say he does things because he has put a little weight on and his adhd and he has let himself go and that's why he does these silly things which is no excuse I mean I feel unattractive and ugly that don't mean I'm going to watch porn and talk to men.

ImperialBlether Fri 29-Jan-16 10:28:14

You have no life with this man. None of us would have a life with him.

Set him free to wank himself to death and start to have a lovely life for yourself and your baby.

AlwaysHopeful1 Fri 29-Jan-16 10:30:31

This man is a lost cause and you can see that from a mile away. You won't be happy ever. Leave, you and your baby deserve better.

Prayingforsnow Fri 29-Jan-16 10:31:42

I am quite shocked reading that. Honestly you can't live like that.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Fri 29-Jan-16 10:32:12

Couldn't read past the third time he took the piss and you 'pulled him up on it'
Stop pulling him up on crap and dump him. This is going nowhere fast.

Prayingforsnow Fri 29-Jan-16 10:34:03

Not sure what you mean by your title thread, 'boyfriend had an addiction.' No, 'boyfriend is a total loser.'

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 29-Jan-16 10:35:51

What do you get out of this relationship now?

Why is your relationship bar so very low; would you want this for your child too?. Is this really what you want to teach your child about relationships?.

You cannot rescue and or save him; he was never yours to rescue and or save. I also do not think you actually know what a mutually loving and respectful relationship is, it is certainly not this car crash of a dysfunctional relationship.

You need to unlearn all the rubbish you have learnt about relationships along the way and totally rethink your whole approach when it comes to these as well.

HappyGoLuckyGirl Fri 29-Jan-16 10:36:28

I literally could have written your post, 2 years ago. In fact I did.

I left. It broke my heart to do it but I left. And now we are better than ever. We still have a good, friendly relationship and we co-parent our son together.

I will tell you one thing for definite. He will never stop. Please trust me.

PM if you want. flowers

heavens2betsy Fri 29-Jan-16 10:41:10

Get rid of him.
Your priority now should be your baby and not this idiot.
He won't change. If you stay with him you are setting yourself (and your son) up for a lifetime of misery.
The time you spent writing him an 11 page letter would have been better spent making plans to leave.
Seriously, I'm not being horrible but I wasted 7 years of my life at your age on a tosser like this. Thankfully we never had a child so I walked away and never looked back but I had no confidence or self esteem and it took a long time to get myself back on track.
Don't waste any more time on this twat. You deserve better.

Leaneedshelp Fri 29-Jan-16 10:43:49

I understand what your all saying Im just scared to take a big leap by myself I've just moved into my first home where he is living with me once he goes I've got no one close by to turn to.

Cabrinha Fri 29-Jan-16 10:48:07

You have. You've got yourself.
Trust me, turning to yourself is better than turning to a lying cheating piece on scum who treats you like shit.

And when you're not wasting your life writing 11 page essays (shock WTAF?!) to a total loser, you can use your time to get out and make friends and build a network.

Better off alone than with that prick.

Ridingthegravytrain Fri 29-Jan-16 10:48:34

So sorry to read this. He doesn't have an addiction btw (see this so many times as excuses they come up with..that or depression) he is just a selfish twat

You are honestly better off rid however hard it seems

steppemum Fri 29-Jan-16 10:54:54


He isn't going to change.
He doesn't care what your opinion/emotions are about this, he hasn't changed his behaviour, you will be putting up with it for ever.
He has no intention of being faithful to you.

Get an STD check for your self and kick him out.


Leaneedshelp Fri 29-Jan-16 10:57:47

The reason I wrote the essay was because I would not of said everything I had to say face to face it would not of all came out my mouth I think it is an addiction been going on a long time and no matter who talks to him about it he agrees and then it stops for a day or so then his back to it even his mum has tried he says he wants to change but I just don't think he knows how. I know I've been stupid just accepting it but his very good with his words and my son was planned it's what we both wanted.

tiktok Fri 29-Jan-16 11:00:46

What is he addicted to?

Being a crap partner?

Being a dickhead?

Sounds like it.

He's horrible to you, Leane....really horrible. He doesn't deserve your patience. You have a lot of love and feelings to share - he's not the one to share them sad

loveyoutothemoon Fri 29-Jan-16 11:06:45

Dump him and get your self confidence back. flowers

Leaneedshelp Fri 29-Jan-16 11:06:59

I know but the person that I am I worry about others rather than myself our son looks forward to his dad coming home from work he gets excited to see him every night when his here he shows love and affection at home I think he just wants the best of both worlds and that obviously can't continue its just hard to see it all go. sad

HappyGoLuckyGirl Fri 29-Jan-16 11:12:13

Honey, I felt the very same way as you.

I was distraught at the prospect of taking my son away from his father. So much so that I dragged our sorry excuse for a relationship put for 10 more months after I found out (again!).

I would never have thought it would turn out as well as it has.

Honestly, being by yourself is the best option. It's hard but doable.

You will feel a weight has lifted once you are over him. I really promise.

Leaneedshelp Fri 29-Jan-16 11:15:51

The thing is this man came into my life when I needed him I had just lost my nan that I lived with my world was turned upside down I had to move to my mums and that was hard I had been in the same house all my life. I needed someone and he came into my life it's going to tear me apart.

KylieTheQuestion Fri 29-Jan-16 11:18:49

Dump the prick

DottyBee Fri 29-Jan-16 11:22:53

No, he is going to tear you apart. He is already doing so.
Get rid now. Yes it will be tough initially, but it will get better. Focus on building your own self esteem and confidence. Build a new and happy life for you and your child without him.

Leaneedshelp Fri 29-Jan-16 11:32:17

I know he already has taken me to the lowest I've ever been and sending me mad quite literally I know how many people he follows I check it religiously all of his accounts Instagram,Twitter and I check his phone when I get the chance I feel like a horrible person this is not me and not how I want to behave.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 29-Jan-16 11:53:42

I am very sorry to read about your late nan.

You met him when you were yourself vulnerable and in a low place; he simply targeted you. You will simply drive yourself mad looking at all his social media crap so stop doing it to yourself.

Who is around to support you now; its certainly not this man. Your son also needs a better role model than this person for a father. He is also not a good father to his son because he treats you with contempt.

Your late nan would undoubtedly not want you to be living like this.

Leaneedshelp Fri 29-Jan-16 11:57:03

I know she would be turning in her grave I'm just afraid to be alone I case I don't cope.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 29-Jan-16 11:57:27

Then don't put up with it.
Seriously, there is nothing, absolutely nothing about this arse that is appealing in any way shape or from.
I honestly cannot see what you get from this dick other than stress and abuse.
He's horrible to you.
He totally disrespects you and his DC every day.
Why the hell would you put up with it?
It's just crazy.

The more chances you give someone
The less respect they’ll start to have for you.
They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set
Because they’ll know another chance will always be given.
They’re not afraid to lose you because
They know, no matter what, you won’t walk away.
They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness.
Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you!

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