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Are there any reconcilers here?

(3 Posts)
KrakenAwakes Fri 29-Jan-16 10:24:43

I have taken great comfort in an extremely old MN thread about people working on their marriages after affairs.

LTB and divorce is the MN way - and since discovering the affair I have kicked him out and got excellent financial and legal advice. The children are seeing him through a mutually agreed contact arrangement which allows for their ages and oldests disabilities. I'm managing work two days a week and friends are distracting me at weekends and in the evenings. We have had one relate session but due to the time of year we have them sparsely booked.

I've picked up some old friendships and hobbies, my calendar has never been so full and on the surface we are coping well. However I do still love him and he me, we clearly had issues in the marriage which needed resolving, I accept the marriage is dead for now but would like to try again very slowly. He certainly is not moving home any time soon, and the children are young enough not to remember him living here or us as a couple.

I'm just wondering whether there are more of us and we could form a support thread.

FredaMayor Fri 29-Jan-16 11:19:57

LTB and divorce is the MN way

Seeing separation as an option may be a new concept to some people, and going against expectations its still hard for some people. If you want to stay, fine, but keep your self-respect. Women around the world can have such a hard time, to me it seems crazy to be shackled if you don't have to be.

Good luck with the reconciliation/resurrection.

NotLTB Fri 29-Jan-16 13:09:37

Well, I haven't ltb, yet anyway.

I have chosen to try to work on the marriage, although I am unsure as to whether it will work.

My reasons for this are that I could see how the affair came about. And we have been married for a long time and do love each other despite him having shocked and traumatised me with his betrayal. It was clear when the affair was discovered that he wanted to stay, and we have tentatively agreed to give things a go for a few months and see.

We also have children who are at bad age for this. DC1 is adopted as their mother died and they are full of dread at another abandonment and disrupted home life.

Things are not difficult for them at home as DH and I get on well and don't row (well, not usually!!)

My discovery is fairly recent and I am full of anxiety about the future, so need time to reflect and regain my strength. I really hope it can work.

I too am keeping busy reviving old friendships and hobbies and planning for a good future with or without him.

It's been a difficult few years with bereavements and stresses and I think we have both taken our eye off the ball regarding our marriage. I am also going for counselling which has been really helpful.

We shall see.

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