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When everything hits the fan

(14 Posts)
Hismumhermum Thu 28-Jan-16 23:12:27

I really don't know what is going to happen next in my life. I crave certainty and financial security, now they are gone. Pretty sure we are getting divorced now. I am a sahm with a tiny part time job bringing in £182 a month. I have a teen and a pre teen. We have lived here approx two years and my youngest is still unsettled by the move. Do I stay here? Move back to where we came from? My family are somewhere else entirely. I don't want to break my daughter's heart, this is awful.

I don't trust him anymore. He had a crush, we went to counselling (once) but his crush remains. But he lies and pretends not, but has now pretty much admitted it.

I have self esteem/confidence issues which make it hard for me to believe I can get another job.

It all feels horribly desperate.

smallfry16 Thu 28-Jan-16 23:27:59

It feels horribly desperate now but needed be in the future. He is making you feel like this with his childish crush. What an immature idiot.
Can you make plans to leave and go home? Are you married?
Sounds like you are in an abusive situation and you need to get out. I know it all seems too much but do little things one day at a time to boost your confidence. Easier said I know.

smallfry16 Thu 28-Jan-16 23:31:43

Sorry you are married. He is showing contempt and thats hard to live with. I'm sure once you leave you will be much happier. I understand the fear of the unknown but it's as bad as living under those conditions.

Hismumhermum Thu 28-Jan-16 23:34:51

He is not abusive but definitely an idiot. Thank you for replying, I feel very alone.

We have been married for fourteen years. When you say 'go home' I'm not sure what you mean? There is where we used to live or where I came from (too far away, albeit tempting).

I feel very empowered reading the threads on here about life after divorce, but I am worried about making it through this bit (the worst bit-the very beginning!). So many decisions and no one who can tell me what would be best for the kids. Should I ask the kids what they want to do?

Hismumhermum Thu 28-Jan-16 23:35:41

For the kids it will be a complete shock-they won't have seen anything coming as we are fine day to day.

Hismumhermum Thu 28-Jan-16 23:36:45

The kids and finding a job. All that matters.

magoria Fri 29-Jan-16 07:32:46

Has he acted on this crush?

bb888 Fri 29-Jan-16 07:57:15

It sounds like you are clear about what you want to do, which is good, but you obviously need to work out exactly how it all happens.
Hopefully as you move through the process you will feel yourself starting to get stronger. Its hard at the start because you don't know how every little detail will work out, but you only have to do one but at a time.

Cabrinha Fri 29-Jan-16 08:06:37

You crave financial security but you don't have a full time job.
So I'd concentrate on that now. Where you work might impact your decision about where you love.
You already have a part time job - is there any possibility to up your hours there, and build confidence that way?

Hismumhermum Fri 29-Jan-16 09:51:59

Unfortunately it is just being a lunchtime supervisor at a primary school, so no real scope for extra hours. Oh my god this is so hard.

Hismumhermum Fri 29-Jan-16 10:21:00

Mixed messages now. He seemed to give in very easily to making other plans (eg looking for alternative accommodation) but said just now he doesn't think we should be breaking up. We are going to talk tonight. But I have no idea what will be said. I can't go on being suspicious like this (with good cause).

Cabrinha Fri 29-Jan-16 10:22:28

OK, no increase to hours but you've got experience and a reference!

Do you have any options for training courses whilst the kids are in school and not working all those hours? Why not speak to the local job centre and see what they say is available?
Or how about some volunteer work? It could help build your confidence, add to your CV. You might not feel so much pressure if you're volunteering?

QuiteLikely5 Fri 29-Jan-16 10:26:34

Can't you stay in the marital home?

If you want out of this marriage one way to succeed is by going back to college to retrain in a career you enjoy and that's pays enough to keep your head above water.

That is what I would do. Once your qualified and have a job, ask him to leave

Hismumhermum Fri 29-Jan-16 11:16:29

Thanks for the advice, I am going to see a counsellor and see if I can sort myself out job wise. Much appreciated.

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