Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Well this is kind of strange

(12 Posts)
NotGonnaAnswerThePhone Thu 28-Jan-16 10:53:58

DP and I have been together for 3 years, living together for 2. We are both females (could be relevant).

We spend a lot of time together, she works night shifts in a block then has a few nights off. Free time is pretty much spent just the two of us. Its not a concious effort, its just that neither of us have a particularly large circle of friends - she has very few.

Anyway, I have recently taken up tennis as a hobby with a guy I work with and we have gone to the courts two evenings in a row.

The first evening when I got home she was already in bed when I got home (I had gone to tennis staright after work and got home about 8pm). I got the impression she was sulking a bit but thought surely not.

Then last night I said I would be home by 8 and cook us a nice meal. I rushed home and she wasn't home, didnt even get in till gone 9 and she hadn't taken any meat out of the freezer for our meal so I ended up having toast (she had nothing). She was quiet and had made previous jokes in the day via imessage such as "Oh I will just sob at home while you spend all your time with your work friends". Anyway I went to bed around 10.30 and woke up around 5am to discover she was sleeping on the sofa! I gave her a nudge and she eventually came to bed.

Why is she behaving like this? She is normally very independant. Is she jealous of this guy? She has no reason to be given that I am a lesbian..

I just find it awkward now, like I cant go to my new hobby without her moaning. Maybe she wanted me to go on the nights she is at work, I dont know.

She is now not responding to my messages (I am at work)

Should I say something?

Scarletforya Thu 28-Jan-16 10:58:29

Of course you should. She's being a controlling twat.

MrsRedFly Thu 28-Jan-16 11:16:07

She's being unreasonable

It's not healthy just to do everything the 2 of you (male/female dosen't matter)

You both need time to do your own thing

You need to talk to each other though - after she's finished sulking she dosen't get 100% of your time attention

Ps the second night where she didn't turn up/slept in sofa was your punishment for the previous night
- not a healthy way to deal with a situation

category12 Thu 28-Jan-16 11:18:33

I imagine she does want you to play tennis on evenings she's working, and depending how few her nights at home are, it may be reasonable of her to think so... But you shouldn't be guessing: talk sensibly to each other. Don't put up with silent treatment or passive aggressive rubbish, but do be prepared to compromise if it's not an unreasonable ask.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 28-Jan-16 11:20:32

This is the start of the control.
You either talk to her and nip in the bud pretty sharpish or you get out.
It's not healthy.

loveyoutothemoon Thu 28-Jan-16 11:26:26

Just talk to her. Sounds like she does want you to go when she's at work. She's the best person to talk to. You need to communicate.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 28-Jan-16 11:57:10

Ah, the passive agressive kicked puppy act when you want to spend time with someone else? She is trying to control you. Not all control is about aggression and violence

LonestarStateOfMind Thu 28-Jan-16 16:30:59

Is it because she wanted to spend her nights off with you, would she still be like this if you did your hobby whilst she was at work? I imagine time together is quite previous when a couple are working contrasting shifts.

LonestarStateOfMind Thu 28-Jan-16 16:32:32

Precious not previous

Namechanger2015 Thu 28-Jan-16 16:43:57

This is the start of the control. You either talk to her and nip in the bud pretty sharpish or you get out. It's not healthy.

^ listen to hellsbells.

Don't stop going out because of her reaction, it's then a slippery slope to never going out at all and you won't even see it coming.

If she is upset encourage her to talk about why this might be. If she can't then consider this a giant red flag.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Thu 28-Jan-16 16:48:41

She's not jealous in that she thinks you will cheat with him but she truly believes that you should always be at her side and shouldn't want/need other friends. She's also punishing you for daring to challenge this. Deeply worrying.

MoominPie22 Thu 28-Jan-16 17:01:51

I think she needs a hobby or interest too. Maybe she´s being possessive of you but it´s something you possibly found endearing before? Like how you said it´s usually been just the 2 of you.

She´s got a problem with the fact you have found something that interests you other than her.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: