DP and I have been together for 3 years, living together for 2. We are both females (could be relevant).
We spend a lot of time together, she works night shifts in a block then has a few nights off. Free time is pretty much spent just the two of us. Its not a concious effort, its just that neither of us have a particularly large circle of friends - she has very few.
Anyway, I have recently taken up tennis as a hobby with a guy I work with and we have gone to the courts two evenings in a row.
The first evening when I got home she was already in bed when I got home (I had gone to tennis staright after work and got home about 8pm). I got the impression she was sulking a bit but thought surely not.
Then last night I said I would be home by 8 and cook us a nice meal. I rushed home and she wasn't home, didnt even get in till gone 9 and she hadn't taken any meat out of the freezer for our meal so I ended up having toast (she had nothing). She was quiet and had made previous jokes in the day via imessage such as "Oh I will just sob at home while you spend all your time with your work friends". Anyway I went to bed around 10.30 and woke up around 5am to discover she was sleeping on the sofa! I gave her a nudge and she eventually came to bed.
Why is she behaving like this? She is normally very independant. Is she jealous of this guy? She has no reason to be given that I am a lesbian..
I just find it awkward now, like I cant go to my new hobby without her moaning. Maybe she wanted me to go on the nights she is at work, I dont know.
She is now not responding to my messages (I am at work)
I imagine she does want you to play tennis on evenings she's working, and depending how few her nights at home are, it may be reasonable of her to think so... But you shouldn't be guessing: talk sensibly to each other. Don't put up with silent treatment or passive aggressive rubbish, but do be prepared to compromise if it's not an unreasonable ask.
Is it because she wanted to spend her nights off with you, would she still be like this if you did your hobby whilst she was at work? I imagine time together is quite previous when a couple are working contrasting shifts.
She's not jealous in that she thinks you will cheat with him but she truly believes that you should always be at her side and shouldn't want/need other friends. She's also punishing you for daring to challenge this. Deeply worrying.