We do fight, but we fight 'well'. So we may shout and use unpleasant language, but we never bring up things from past, we never say things designed to hurt the other and we know when we need to walk away. We will mull it over and are equally likely to say sorry. We also recognise that sometimes it's more about getting rid of frustration. Any big decisions we make together. I feel hugely valued and so does dh.
Every couple has quarrels from time to time. However if you are with someone who loves you, you will feel stronger and more capable for being with that person, whereas when there is emotional abuse, they were aware your self-confidence and draw attention to your perceived short-comings.
Usually emotionally abusive people try to separate you from friends and family. There are different techniques for doing this, but the result is the same.
It sounds like a communication issue - you ideally muse about how you could have a holiday in the Seychelles, he hears you complaining that he does not earn enough to keep you happy. Particularly with 3 children, time to communicate properly is difficult, but you need to try and discuss this with him. Make sure you do not blame him - ie say that you sometimes find it difficult to explain your ideas, rather than say he misunderstands you.
We never fight. We are as likely to disagree in private as we do in public because there's nothing unkind about it. We never belittle each other or shout. I've never said anything I regret and neither has he. He's never said anything that has hurt me.
I think you sound stressed and unhappy. What you have said about him sounds stressed and unhappy too.
Three under three is hard (two under five is hard). You are tired and skint (I imagine). Have list your way individually and for each other due to the lack of fun drudgery of it all.
Small children open cracks rather than heal them. It's for you to know if those cracks are repairable. If you think they are can people like Relate help?
I would say that marriage/partnership is a journey. Whilst I love DH to bits and love him more 27 years in I had to learn to accept that a fundamentally good man wasn't necessarily well parented himself and some of his failings were attributable to learnt behaviour. He had to learn a little about affection and rolling on the floor and having fun because his parents never did. IYSWIM.