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How do you know when you've fallen out of love?

(12 Posts)
Coeliac999 Wed 27-Jan-16 14:46:54

Me and dh been married just over a year, a lot of things have happened between us, him lying about money, his sexual fantasies, him generally sneaking about. I do not feel he has cheated though. We have been together around 5 years. We had a big argument a while back while his family were staying over. He was very nasty in front of them this lead to him telling them (in private without me) that the argument was about them and I was saying how much I hate them! I wasn't! I was saying something about them but I don't think he should of dropped his wife into it like that? I think I've lost respect for him, I enjoy some times with him but he lets me down with sex etc as he always promises things which never happen and he's pretty boring. I feel stuck, I do think I love him but the respect and trust isn't there.

TheNaze73 Wed 27-Jan-16 15:19:04

Is he asking you to fulfil the sexual fantasies? Is he being unreasonable there? Maybe he's boring sexually as he's not getting off on the non fantasy stuff & finds the conventional dull? The rest sounds unreasonable behaviour from him. To me, the sex bit sounds like a massive issue to you both. Couples that play together, stay together

BlondeOnATreadmill Wed 27-Jan-16 15:22:39

Pretend his work want to send him away abroad for 6 months, on a Project.

If you're happy about that, then I'd say you've fallen out of love, and it's time to call time.

Coeliac999 Wed 27-Jan-16 15:31:46

No I wouldn't want that as I wouldn't trust him. No his fantasies are something I haven't got. But he never spoke till he got found out, says he doesn't want to fulfil these but has looked at things to suggest he would. He doesn't last long in bed at all and I think sex Is just another thing to add to the list really which is why I'm struggling. But I guess deep down he's a good person? And we have children

mum2mum99 Wed 27-Jan-16 15:35:40

That's definitely NOT love. Why would you stay?

Coeliac999 Wed 27-Jan-16 17:39:12

I've just woke up today and thought I'm wasting my life here? I do think I love him but I didn't want my life to be like this?

mum2mum99 Wed 27-Jan-16 18:16:20

Sounds like you had a massive realisation...
I think it is difficult to rebuild things with a liar because no matter how much work you 2 put into it you will never know how sincere he is about changing and working on issues.

Sallyingforth Wed 27-Jan-16 18:25:13

Has this only happened since you married? If so, what has changed?

Or did you think you could improve him by getting married? That never rarely works.

Coeliac999 Wed 27-Jan-16 18:59:30

Yeah when we got married I found out about this sexual preference by accident but since we got married also our sex lives have changed too. I spoke about this twice to him and he has made an improvement on doing it more but still only lasts minutes and isn't up for anything new. Also he only lied about money a few month back, I was shocked he's also been hiding bank statements etc but I know his code on his phone... I don't know, I just don't know how to feel anymore?

Startingout2015 Wed 27-Jan-16 20:15:39

What promises does he make and not keep? What does he do when you mention it to him?

Coeliac999 Wed 27-Jan-16 20:23:16

He gets angry and ignores it, he has spoke about it but now that needs to be it. But I still find him looking at that sort of stuff, he claims he doesn't.

LittleLegs25 Wed 27-Jan-16 20:30:47

What is it that he's looking at?

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