Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
mixing work and pleasure...(5 Posts)
posted about this a while ago, things have updated, so I will give a brief outline, apologies if it's hard to follow, just want it to be factual...
- stupidly got intimate with a (fanciable) client following a drunk late night meeting, I was sure there was a spark
- we'd worked together fine until that point, he'd paid for work done etc.
- following intimacy, exchanged polite / friendly texts, but nothing more
- he asked me to do more work, I asked was it wise, and said I didn't want to make things awkward for either of us, he said it would be fine to
- I did a small project, emailed to him several times (he cited spam issues) at different email addresses (so he received it)
- he ignored the emails and failed to reply to acknowledge the work, which I took as a rejection (even though prior to this I had requested professional working relations must be ok for us to do the work together). I didn't press it as didn't want to look pushy or overinvested. I was just pissed off he said it would be fine then didn't afford me the basic professional courtesy I would have expected, I felt he was making a point by ignoring it.
- six weeks later he gets in touch out of the blue to ask for a separate work-related favour (unrelated to the project) without mentioning the prior ignored project
- I emailed a slightly curt but carefully worded and polite reply to say I was a bit surprised to hear him asking for a favour given his lack of acknowledgement of my prior work, nor mentioning it now, and what were his thoughts?
- he ignores my above email for two weeks then emails about a separate new project he needs help on with no reference to above email, saying he'd not read my earlier email yet but he would soon (and he'd had some minor health issue, so sorry he'd been out of touch)
- I ignore his email completely given he ignored my polite one above
- he gets in touch again two weeks later to reply to my email and apologise for not replying to my earlier work, again citing (minor) health issues etc, slight grovelling tone, the work was great etc, he's so sorry for not replying earlier...basically I think he must realise he needs my services now as I'm the only one he knows with the experience to do the work for him.
I'm not entirely sure how to respond to this. He's ignored my work completely following the intimacy and then ignored my questioning of his behaviour only to ask for other favours and sidestep the original issue. Then it feels like when he realises he really needs something he apologises saying he's so sorry he ignored it etc etc it was a genuine mistake.
He could be telling the truth but I'm not sure how to play it. I don't want to look like a spurned bitch for not helping him out again (especially bearing in mind his excuses) but part of me feels like he was playing a game and then realised he needed help and started grovelling.
What should I say to him? Would it be foolish to do any more work or could it have been a genuine mistake on his part that he ignored it and my other email?
Am I a massive chump for even considering more work with him? I don't want to seem all bitter etc and am a bit of a softie about helping people, I just would have appreciated professional courtesy but it felt he was trying to make a point about me personally by ignoring my work which I found pretty rude.
It's fine to help again- but you must charge for it: iirc, didn't you essentially do something for free for him before? He might be thinking he can exploit what happened to get favours and freebies from you - you need to make it clear that this isn't going to happen. Respond politely, and give him an estimate/fee/whatever's normal in your industry, and go from there.
thanks hefzi i solved the payment issue by going direct to his business partner with the invoice, so it's been paid for...
Good effort! It's fine to work with him, as long as you're comfortable with it - and he's not taking advantage by dicking you about (not responding to queries about the project etc) and is paying for it: otherwise, kick the loser into touch!
I think that the opinion last time you posted about this asshole was that he was a player, a user and not worthy of your time in either a personal or professional capacity.
So yes, I think that you are being foolish to even consider it. He wants something from you and thats the only reason he did a little bit of grovelling, do you think that he would have apologised if he didnt need a favour? Of course not!
And turning down work is not churlish or acting the bitter spurned woman, you just simply reply with "I am afraid that I am not able to help you with your current project, best of luck with it though" end of. If he pushes it, and he probably will then you say that you have too much work on at the moment to take on any more.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.