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Ex and court - why does he want this info?

(21 Posts)
Orangeapple Tue 26-Jan-16 19:34:56

Ex is taking me to court to sort out access to our dd. I know nothing about how court works etc and he is really pressuring me for info such as previous address, place of birth etc, he says he needs it for the application! I have said I don't understand everything and would like to seek my own legal advice first as surely he just gives my name, address (which he knows) but he is being really horrible and abusive at the moment demanding the answers to these questions despite me telling him I'm happy to give him what I need to once I have my own legal advice.

I'm worried because I'm not being obstructive I just don't understand why he needs all that and don't want him to use it against me in court.

Anyone that can offer advice?

SoThatHappened Tue 26-Jan-16 19:38:08

It's been a while since I did family law but as far as I know you need the childs name and date of birth which he knows.

Orangeapple Tue 26-Jan-16 19:44:33

Yes he knows my name, address and dd details, I'm just concerned with why he is asking for loads of info like my previous address, place of birth etc!

Surely he doesn't need to provide all that

Fourormore Tue 26-Jan-16 19:45:19

Have you asked him exactly what he needs it for?

HippyPottyMouth Tue 26-Jan-16 19:46:00

The application form asks for it, but it doesn't cause a problem if it's not filled in. I expect it's there to help the court if they need to track down a non-responding respondent.

SoThatHappened Tue 26-Jan-16 19:46:11

No he doesnt. Unless he is drafting a marathon witness statement to accompany it. But I fail to see what relevance your birth place has. he can get that info free anyway from electoral roll searches and birth records searches. Dont give it to him.

RandomMess Tue 26-Jan-16 19:50:03

Sounds more like he's trying to fill in a passport form!!!

Perhaps just stop responding to his emails/texts if he's being abusive and yes get your own legal advice asap flowers

Fourormore Tue 26-Jan-16 19:50:25

Hippy is right, it's on the application form at section 9 here:

NewLife4Me Tue 26-Jan-16 19:51:03

I would cease all contact and go through your solicitor and get the abuse logged for goodness sake.
If he hasn't had contact with your dd and you don't need to speak to him, just ignore him.
Find a solicitor and speak through them.

Orangeapple Tue 26-Jan-16 20:04:15

He seems fully convinced he will get the access he wants, I do not want him to have unsupervised contact because of his drinking, drink driving, leaving her in bath etc. I have his admittance to being a alcoholic on paper.

From info I have found I understand court will send me the forms he has submitted and I reply to them, is this when I bring up my reasons for not wanting the contact or do I wait until we get to court? Also I read something about me then applying for a court order, not sure what this means, do I need to do this?

I really wish I could have a solicitor to come to court but don't really think I can afford it sad

Fourormore Tue 26-Jan-16 20:19:47

No you won't usually need to apply for a court order yourself (unless there's something you want to apply for).

Unsupervised contact is the norm, even where there are undesirable issues such as alcohol abuse. Usually the applicant would be ordered to attend a course, or to do a test, to prove their safety. Contact would usually be supervised until then.

I strongly recommend that even if you don't have a solicitor at court, that you get some legal advice. I would also have a read about McKenzie Friends who are able to support you in court - they aren't qualified but are often experienced and can offer a bit of knowledge.

Orangeapple Tue 26-Jan-16 20:36:40

Really even though he has admitted he is alcoholic and drink drives they would let him have overnight access to a baby and drive her around? Even though he has left her unattended in bath.

I know someone who has just lost custody of her children because she drinks to much in the evenings, she would never drink drive or put them in danger, they go to school everyday on time etc and are well lolled after and fed yet she lost them because he ex claimed she drank

wallywobbles Wed 27-Jan-16 06:34:08

You really cannot afford not to have a solicitor at this stage. If you get it wrong now you'll be fighting it for the next decade. Get decent advice. Ask for payment options. Don't go at this on a wing and a prayer.

Baconyum Wed 27-Jan-16 06:39:33

I agree get a solicitor. As for no access due to drinking, very rare. I had same issues with ex it made not a jot of difference. I also happen to know of a case where a father who had served a prison sentence for raping the child was given access. Drug addicts are given access. Definitely get a solicitor before giving him any information.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 27-Jan-16 07:57:30

Your ex has all the information he needs to complete the application form and as Hippy has said, what he doesn't know about you won't cause any problem for him, or for you at some future date.

If your ex is making application for a childcare arrangements order you will be asked to attend mediation and the case will only go before the court if agreement cannot be reached.

lavenderhoney Wed 27-Jan-16 08:02:54

If he is taking you to court, does he have a solicitor?
See a solicitor and ask about payment, and if you can self represent but get their help ie they check over any letter you send.
Cafcass will get involved, so just tell them the truth.
His lawyer will send you a draft order which you can agree or not agree. If it all is agreed, you might not have to go to court, but don't just agree to save money as you are then bound by the order.
Try posting in legal?

Suzietwo Wed 27-Jan-16 08:13:34

Cafcass will get involved once he's made an application

Don't give him info about the child- you can make a point a/b how little he knows about them

Don't cave to his pressure for unsupervised contact until you have been ordered to. And evidence of you knowing he's an alchie and giving unsupervised contact will be used by him

Fourormore Wed 27-Jan-16 08:18:04

Don't give him info about the child- you can make a point a/b how little he knows about them

This isn't the best advice as it can backfire as you unreasonably withholding information.

Suzietwo Wed 27-Jan-16 08:38:56


It's rare for an application for contact to be done on a co operative or collaborative basis

Plus she's frightened of him, no?

goddessofsmallthings Wed 27-Jan-16 08:54:21

What he puts on his application form will have no bearing on any subsequent proceedings.

Cafcass will not get involved unless instructed to do so by the court at a full hearing of your ex's application for a childcare arrangements order, but this is by no means a foregone conclusion as you will have opportunity to reach agreement by mediation.

That said, mediation does not mean to you have to roll over for him and if you do not wish to be in the same room as him the process can be conducted by shuttle - him in one room, you in another, and an intermediary shuttling between the two. smile

goddessofsmallthings Wed 27-Jan-16 09:03:17

Information on MIAMs here:

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