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Conflict resolution

(5 Posts)
Secondtimeround75 Tue 26-Jan-16 13:57:01

I'm married 18 yrs
I should know how to do this, but I don't. Well not effectively anyway.

Normally I get into a huff & Dh waits it out. It blows over without being resolved.

I'm very frustrated and want to change how I react when I'm cross.
I'm currently having both sides of the argument in my head .
I'm so annoyed with him and want to have it out.

Any tips
How do you guys row

Daffodil90 Tue 26-Jan-16 16:13:12

Me and DH don't argue, like ever (7 years together, married for 3). We'll disagree on occasion but when we do, we just sound it out.
Have a conversation, go in to it with your reasons and be prepared to hear his. Come to a solution together and be ready to compromise.

What happened?

Friendlystories Tue 26-Jan-16 18:16:34

I have this issue in reverse, DH is the one who gets huffy and I'm the one who has to wait it out, up until recently we also never managed to resolve anything. We've both had to adjust our mindset somewhat, he's finally learned how to stop himself going on the defensive and taking everything I say as a character assassination and I've been approaching our issues in a less confrontational way so he doesn't feel immediately attacked. We've found messaging when we're apart works well, gives us time to think things through before we respond and put things across more clearly than if we speak face to face. The result is that issues do seem to be getting resolved instead of us constantly going round in circles and both of us feeling frustrated that the other isn't seeing our point of view. I don't think it's just the messaging though, we hit a fairly major bad patch and think we both felt it was make or break, neither of us wanted to split up so there's been a definite softening and increased willingness to try on both sides. It's the first time in our 15 year relationship I've felt we're actually managing to reach compromises and resolve problems conclusively though so it's taken a long time to get to this point. Don't know if that helps any?

Secondtimeround75 Tue 26-Jan-16 21:29:32

That helps a lot fern thanks

What happened is ....
Last Thursday we had a parents evening in school about ds14 , he is a difficult teen. I was very upset when we came home at 7pm.
Dh had an early meeting on the Friday ( he works away 3 nights). He decided at 7.30 to leave on the 8pm train so he didn't have to travel up early. Said we would chat Friday evening over a nice dinner.
He had said earlier on in the day he might do this but i was disappointed he still chose to do it when I was upset.
Roll on Friday & on the train home he got a call from a work collegue to offer him a seat at a work type dinner. So Dh got in changed his clothes and was gone again after 15 mins .
He is behaving like a thoughtless arse a lot lately . I need to tell him I've had enough. I'm being taken for granted and I think it's partly my own fault for being a bit of a whimp in conflict .

Sorry for the long post.
I'm very sad about all thissad
My best friend will be dead a year next week . I miss her a lot. He isn't being a good friend / support to me.
I want to matter more than his job .

ImperialBlether Tue 26-Jan-16 21:39:06

He's living like a single childless person and not supporting his family at all. Time for him to make the decision - in or out.

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