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What do you call it when...(potentially triggering)

(13 Posts)
snowflake02 Mon 25-Jan-16 20:44:52

You let someone have sex with you because you are afraid of the consequences (emotional abuse) of them knowing you don't want to...

ConfusedNoMore Mon 25-Jan-16 20:50:39

Snow sweetheart, you know this needs to stop. I remember you.

If I didn't know better this could be minimised as sexual coercion or sexual abuse, but I think your partner knows exactly what he's doing, so possibly rape.

I'm sorry.flowers

Please talk to women's aid.

pocketsaviour Mon 25-Jan-16 20:51:28

Snow, is this still happening love? I remember your threads from last year and was hoping you had moved on to a happier life sad

snowflake02 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:02:19

Thank you, I remember you both from my previous posts. I have moved on and I am divorcing him. I did though manage to end up in another bad (mildly abusive and sexually coercive) relationship straight after. That is also now over but I'm left trying to untangle my head so I can accept everything that happened and finally move on. I still really struggle with naming some of what happened. I've made progress with the other 'incidents' but I really want to process everything so I can leave it behind me once and for all. I hope that makes sense?

I'm sorry to be back again...

ConfusedNoMore Mon 25-Jan-16 21:09:10

Don't be sorry for posting.

So glad you are away from xh but sorry you ended up in another bad relationship. I think it's healthy to have some time away from any relationship to get strong and process what's happened to you.

Would you ba able to get counselling? It's helped me but I've been lucky I've had help through work to pay for it.

Or just post here and see if it helps you to work your head out?

Read up on sexual abuse and its definitions, and sexual coercion. Might help understand?

ConfusedNoMore Mon 25-Jan-16 21:11:35

I haven't been with anyone since separating from my stbxh. I just can't get my head around dealing with a new relationship and processing what's happened my past relationship.

snowflake02 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:16:44

Probably very sensible. I think I'm definitely getting there. I just need to be able to name it as I still feel so much guilt for making him leave as the children have not coped with it very well. I still worry I have made too much of it and over reacted...

ConfusedNoMore Mon 25-Jan-16 21:24:47

I admire you. I think I'd still be there if my ex hadn't ended it. It takes real courage.

And it's so hard if kids are old enough to question it but you can't tell them the truth. It's all stuff you need to talk about with someone.

I felt guilt for my DS but not anymore. The responsibility for our particular situation lies with ex. But more than that and more positive than that, our relationship is a trillion times better than what it would've been living under all that stress.

I can be happy and actually relax and have fun with DS now. That's what you have to aim for. If you're happy, then that is good for your kids.

summerainbow Mon 25-Jan-16 21:35:56

I understand where you coming from and know easy it is go right back into the same kind of relationship. I am having councilloring and it really helps. You have work what a real relationship is to you . And kind of relationship you want. But don't get involved with another man till you know what you want.

snowflake02 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:48:24

Thank you confusedNoMore it was the hardest, most heartbreaking decision I have ever had to make.

I think I do know what I want now. I certainly know what I don't want and when the new relationship took a worrying turn I ended it quite quickly. I think I have learnt a lot, but still have progress to make in terms of accepting and acknowledging what my ex husband actually did. That's when I will be able to make my peace with it.

ConfusedNoMore Mon 25-Jan-16 21:51:47

You sound stronger. I'm glad. You'll be OK.

Off to bed now but pm me anytime if you want chat. flowers

ConfusedNoMore Mon 25-Jan-16 21:52:16

And think about counselling x

snowflake02 Mon 25-Jan-16 21:56:04

Thank you so much flowers

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