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Relationships

My father has posted a song about his relationship with me on the internet.

58 replies

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 25/01/2016 14:19

I was going to name change for this but sod it, I have nothing to hide.

I have posted before about my turbulent relationship with my bio-father. He left when I was 3, my brother was a baby, and he ran off with his OW leaving my DM and us homeless. He stopped paying any maintenance when I was 4 and because he was abroad my DM couldn't do anything about it.

He had us for holidays but never played the part of being a dad, he was more a Disney dad but a complete snob at the same time (my DB and I had to look and behave in a certain way when with him). His partner really doesn't like children and didn't want anything to do with us.

I was really affected by him leaving when I was a child. I used to write myself letters pretending they were from him except they were more loving and supportive. I was only 6 or 7 when I was doing this.

As I grew up contact lessened (he moved from France to the US) but I tried so hard to keep our relationship going.

I never ever felt good enough for him. Unfortunately, I have had quite severe MH problems and have had long periods of being unemployed which I know embarrasses him. When I got pregnant at the age of 33 he was not pleased at all (I was, I was in a relationship and living with my DS' dad) and he and his wife let me know how upset they were; he said he was worried about what sort of life my baby would have.

When DS was born I had a sudden realisation of just how weird my relationship with him was. I could never ever imagine treating DS the way he treated my DB and me and I wrote to him and explained this but not in a nasty way, more of a wanting to understand way. I couldn't bear not having him in my life, I know it's ridiculous but I feel I need him in my life. It was then that he cut me off. He didn't want to talk about it, he just wanted nothing more to do with me. I tried to rebuild the bridge but it didn't work.

At the weekend I discovered that he has written and recorded a song about his relationship with me and my brother. He has posted it on the internet. I cannot believe he has done this after not having contact with me for so long. I have written him emails but he hardly replies and when he does it is to say that he does not want to know me. The song he has written has hurt me so much, I don't know what to do. One of the lyrics (it is a rubbish song btw) is 'I don't miss you, I'm glad you're an ocean away'.

Part of me wants to get on a plane to see him and scream in his face, the rest of me is humiliated. This song makes it seem that he is the wronged party and it is so untrue.

My DB is so strong about all this, he just laughed at the song and said it was to be expected; I wish I could be like that, it's just hurt me so much.

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PoppetyPoppet · 25/01/2016 14:32

I'm so sorry you are going through this op. As an outsider, it sounds to me like your father is a narcarssist (sp?). I've read other threads on here about having relationships with narcs and what has helped them is to read up on what a narc is and how they behave to help them understand that it is the narcs way and nothing that they deserve.

Sorry, I wish I had better advice for you. I have an odd relationship with my father. He is EA with my mum but I only really started to understand that as an adult and it's changed the way I relate to him.