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My friend has been really rude to my DS

(163 Posts)
Greedylittlehamster Mon 25-Jan-16 10:27:09

My DS (17) owed his friend (18) £10 from several months ago and had forgotten to pay it back. His friend had reminded him once a few weeks ago by text and DS said that his friend could drop round sometime and get the money. DS was hoping to see the friend and spend some time with him if he dropped by as they haven't seen each other in ages. My DS clearly wasn't viewing the problem as important as he says him and all his friends always borrow money off each other and it all evens out in the end as they buy things for each other.

DS's friend's mum is one of my friends and we meet up each week with other friends as a group. She had reminded me a couple of times that my DS owed her DS money and I had reminded my DS and told him to prioritise paying him back as it was obviously a concern. Thinking back I should have just given her the money but I felt my DS should take responsibility.

A couple of days ago, I was out and my DS was in the house on his own in the shower and he heard a very loud hammering on the front door. It must have been loud as he was in the shower at the other end of the house with music blaring out. He ignored it as he was in the shower and then he heard the house phone ringing and ringing so he got out of the shower and answered it. It was my friend at the door. She demanded that he get dried and dressed and come to the door and pay her DS back the money even though it would mean he would not have breakfast and may be late for work. Once he was downstairs and opened the door she really laid into him saying it was a disgusting way to treat his friend and how unacceptably he had behaved and accused him of getting back in the shower and leaving her waiting. She ranted on for a bit. DS did not have the money in the house so she made him get in her car and she drove him to the cash point. Both of her DS's were also in the car watching all of this. DS then had to drive 45 minutes to work and do an 8 hour shift having eaten nothing until his break much later. DS was very upset about the whole thing but kept his temper in front of her.

DS was in the wrong for not repaying the money and he admits that and I hope has learnt a lesson but I feel my friend's reaction was very over the top. If my DS owed someone £10 at 18 years old, I would not get involved. My son (17) has been very shaken by her aggressive manner and I will now have to meet her later in the week and am worried what I say to her and if I should stick up for my son even though he should have paid the money back in the first place. She is bound to say something when we meet as she is likely to feel pleased with herself. She also upset one of the other friends in our group before Christmas when she phoned my friend and told her off for her DS not contacting her DS regularly and how bad it was after all her family had done for my other friend. My other friend was very upset about this as it was the second time that it had happened and her DS is feeling forced into a friendship with the other young man by the actions of his mother.

I don't want to upset my friendship group but I do feel she is overstepping the mark.

ShelaghTurner Mon 25-Jan-16 10:30:00

I don't have teens yet but if someone behaved like that over £10 the last thing I'd worry about is upsetting the friendship group. She made your son get into her car and drove him to the cash point?? I'd be bloody furious if I were you.

usual Mon 25-Jan-16 10:30:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarednoob Mon 25-Jan-16 10:31:16

This is so weird. It's £10, not £10,000 owed to a drug or gambling overlord.

I would tell her that it was rude and inappropriate, and I would keep my distance for a while after that.

Annarose2014 Mon 25-Jan-16 10:31:50

I'd go fucking POSTAL.

nameschangerer Mon 25-Jan-16 10:31:51

I think you need to upset the friendship group. You're quite right that she shouldn't have got involved, especially to this level about an 18 year olds finances and she should feel ashamed.

Personally, I would see her and tell her how terrible her behaviour towards your son was. She seems determined to stand up for her son you should do the same.

usual Mon 25-Jan-16 10:31:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlondeOnATreadmill Mon 25-Jan-16 10:32:10

Complete over reaction. I'd tell her to piss off and I'd break the friendship.

DamnCommandments Mon 25-Jan-16 10:33:50

Yep, upset away. The friendship group is already upset, actually. I'd be angry with her and tell her so, and then I imagine that would be the end of the friendship. She's unlikely to offer a sincere apology to your son, so it's over. Sorry that this is happening to you - it's really not your fault.

Annarose2014 Mon 25-Jan-16 10:34:09

Your friendship needs to be over. And sod keeping it dignified, I'd tell all the other friends. She's batshit.

FauxFox Mon 25-Jan-16 10:34:16

I feel sorry for her son - she sounds like a huge embarrassment all round confused

I'd cancel meeting with her. She is unreasonable. Your son should have paid it back earlier but she really, really overreacted. Not OK.

LineyReborn Mon 25-Jan-16 10:34:59

Yes, your DS should have sorted out paying the tenner back earlier - but as for your 'friend', well that's seriously strange behaviour.

blindsider Mon 25-Jan-16 10:36:59

Yes it is over the top but the son should have gone out of his way to pay it back. £10 is a lot of money to some people (especially teens) and it seems he was given several reminders.

gandalf456 Mon 25-Jan-16 10:37:40

When I started reading, I was thinking not paying money back is a bit of a bugbear of mine - especially if it goes on for months after several reminders. To me, it shows a lack of respect. Perhaps her DS has a bit of a history of lending money and not getting it back? I know I did as a young teen but learnt my lesson and didn't lend so readily. So, from her point of view, she is being protective.

BUT, it is such a small amount and it's certainly not worth the disproportionate reaction she has displayed. It is also not her battle but between your two sons so, yes, I agree with you in that sense and she comes across as pretty unhinged for it, actually. I hope she looks back one day and feels embarrassed. I think you can deal with it however you deem fit. You could say something or distance yourself.

Madlizzy Mon 25-Jan-16 10:39:21

My words would be "who the fuck do you think you are?" closely followed by "stay the fuck away from me and mine". Pity her poor son.

JeanGenie23 Mon 25-Jan-16 10:39:32

Yes your son should have paid back earlier, but it happens and if they have leant money between themselves in the past I can see why it wouldn't be an issue to your DS.

I wouldn't be classing this woman as a friend. She majorly over stepped the mark, what an embarrassment for her 18yr old son, driving him to a cash point with them in the back of the car, shocking!

I would go ape!

usual Mon 25-Jan-16 10:39:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jan45 Mon 25-Jan-16 10:41:10

She's over reacted but at the same time how many times did your son get told about it and did nothing, sorry but don't have much sympathy, I can't stand folk that think it's alright to borrow money (the amount is immaterial) and then somehow `forget` to pay it back, hopefully he has learned a hard lesson - pay your debts!

But yes, the mother has gone completely ott.

ouryve Mon 25-Jan-16 10:43:24

Her behaviour was way over the top. It's the sort of thing her adult son should be sorting out for himself, anyhow.

2 lessons for your DS, though:
1: Try not to be tempted to borrow money from friends, even if it's offered.
2: If he does, then he needs to not faff about with paying it back and not rely too heavily on other people's patience and good nature.

Greedylittlehamster Mon 25-Jan-16 10:44:37

My DS feels that she stuck up for her DS but I won't for him and will just ignore it for the sake of my friendships. Part of me feels that it is not my battle to fight because he was wrong in the first place but the more I think about it the more cross I get. I was away for the weekend so I was removed from the situation until last night. If It had been me in the house on my own in the same situation as him when she hammered on the door, I would have been scared. I think me and my other friends are tiptoeing round her now. I was annoyed for my other friend when she was upset by her before Christmas. She seems to be overly involved in her 18 year old's life.

JohnLuther Mon 25-Jan-16 10:46:16

She sounds mental, if anybody spoke to any of my children like that I'd be having words.

StuffEverywhere Mon 25-Jan-16 10:47:24

I think you need to get a grip and be very direct to her about how much trouble she caused by intruding. That's bonkers.

She will disagree with it, of course, so make sure you don't get pulled into an argument. You just want to state that she's bonkers to be doing this and leave it there. No further comments necessary.

What does your DS think about his friendship? Will it be affected? On the one hand you can feel sorry for DS's friend who's under so much pressure from his mum, but I'd be very put off by this incident and would probably avoid the whole family from now on. I wonder whether your DS might feel this way, on the one hand, but still be feeling guilty for not returning the money earlier, on the other. It may be very confusing for your DS. He might want to talk this stuff through with someone. If he chooses to talk to you, listen. Just listen. It's up to him what he decides, but it'd be good for him to talk through his feelings.

Greedylittlehamster Mon 25-Jan-16 10:49:07

Yes, I have no idea who my son owes money to or who owes money to him either. It seems to happen all the time from what he said. I think my son has learnt to be more careful. It could have been a lot worse if he'd borrowed off the wrong people it could have landed him in more trouble than an angry middle-aged woman throwing a wobbly on the doorstep. I'm still annoyed with her though.

NNalreadyinuse Mon 25-Jan-16 10:49:55

You are doing your child a massive disservice if you just let this go. Grow a spine and stand up for your child. If someone behaved like this towards mine she'd be lucky not to get a punch in the face.

multivac Mon 25-Jan-16 10:50:34

I wonder when your son's friend would have got his money back without this (admittedly, somewhat dramatic and bizarre) intervention?

Or, indeed, if he would ever have got it back at all.

I have very little sympathy for your poor, breakfastless son, I'm afraid, OP.

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