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What do I do

(30 Posts)
Swimming2 Mon 25-Jan-16 09:50:38

Looking for advice really. Currently feel sick. Found messages on partners phone inviting a woman to 'sit on his face' this was in August. We were together then. Further looking showed messages held in WhatsApp showed her recently asking if he was single would he want more with her than a fumble. His reply was that they both know the answer to that question. Anyway reading back further shows in October she said she hasn't had sex with anyone since him. His reply was wow that was in August. I brought it up with him and he refuses to show the messages in WhatsApp he doesn't know I read them he thinks I saw it as he was flicking through them after I brought it up and asked him to show me her messages. He's sworn on mine and his and my child's life he hasn't been with anyone since we got together over a year ago. I'm Lost. Can't sleep.

KinkyAfro Mon 25-Jan-16 09:52:16

He might not have physically done anything but if I found messages of this nature on my partner's phone, he would no longer be my partner.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

AnyFucker Mon 25-Jan-16 09:53:50

Are you doubting what you have seen with your own eyes ?

Just because he won't now show you those fully incriminating messages doesn't mean they never existed

He has cheated and is now trying to make you think you are going mad. Base your next step on that premise.

Prayingforsnow Mon 25-Jan-16 09:54:38

You don't believe him do you as you have found evidence that he had sex with someone else in August. You know he's a cheat and a liar and untrustworthy. No wonder you feel sick. I am not sure how you move on from that so I would end it immediately if I were you.

Swimming2 Mon 25-Jan-16 09:55:11

I think I know in the back of my mind that you're right. He says it was an inside joke apparently. But it doesn't explain the talk of sex in August. He says they slept together before we were together so he could have been referring to the previous year but I think I'm kidding myself

AnyFucker Mon 25-Jan-16 09:56:08

Yes, I think you are kidding yourself, love

Swimming2 Mon 25-Jan-16 09:56:10

Anyfucker thank you that's exactly how it feels. Like I'm being made to feel that I am losing my mind

Finola1step Mon 25-Jan-16 09:56:42

You've seen it with your own eyes.

If you stay together, you will never be able to trust him.

If you leave, it will hurt. For a while. But you will bounce back.

AnyFucker Mon 25-Jan-16 09:57:14

Well, you are not losing your mind. You sound completely sensible to me.

timwonnacotsbowtie Mon 25-Jan-16 09:57:18

He is lying and he fact that he swore on your child's life makes it even more obvious. IME anyone who does this is lying.

You saw those messages with your very own eyes, ergo you know he's lying.

flowers

timwonnacotsbowtie Mon 25-Jan-16 09:58:39

Wow, I used 'lying' a lot in that post! But he is lying and you should tell him to get out, don't waste your time with him.

AnyFucker Mon 25-Jan-16 10:00:08

Personally, I automatically think someone is lying if they swear on someone's life. A thunderbolt is not going to strike their loved ones down if they lie.

It is a meaningless phrase. .much like the oft-used "I am telling the truth 1000%" ( just before the lie detector proves otherwise)

Swimming2 Mon 25-Jan-16 10:00:12

Thank you all for replying so quickly it's helping to get it out. I did ask him to swear on his child's life at first and he refused then later I said mine and my child's and then his and he did. You're all right I know it's just very hard to do. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him but maybe I need to change that to me

AnyFucker Mon 25-Jan-16 10:01:40

Yep, take that trust and respect you had for him and apply it to yourself. You know what he has done.

BlondeOnATreadmill Mon 25-Jan-16 10:08:14

You know they had sex in August. You know they are still in touch.

You have two options really.

1. Stay with a cheat and a liar.
2. Tell him you are worth more and that you want him to leave.

Option 2 would be my choice.

How would he feel, if you were messaging other men, offering to "sit on their face"? Ask him that?

Swimming2 Mon 25-Jan-16 10:51:49

I did. He said he would 'ask me about it' it would be funny if it wasn't so awful. He has apologised for that message but that's it.

PennyHasNoSurname Mon 25-Jan-16 10:54:22

Honestly just kick him out.

Do you honestly think you will ever trust hi

pocketsaviour Mon 25-Jan-16 11:04:27

Do you have a child together?

My ex swore on his DD's life. It's like they all follow some sort of script, isn't it?

I asked him why he was wishing his daughter dead in order to try to cover up his sad and shabby hookups. He didn't have an answer for that.

Swimming2 Mon 25-Jan-16 11:26:44

No none together thankfully. You're all right. Even if he would admit it its heartbreaking but how can you get past anything when there's just denial. Keep going over things that were said in messages and it just makes me feel worthless, my own worst enemy!

stumblymonkey Mon 25-Jan-16 11:33:19

Try to remember that him cheating doesn't mean anything about you or your worth.

The only thing it means is that you shouldn't be with him because he is disrespectful, a liar and unfaithful.

No-one wants to be 'found out' or be the 'bad guy' so of course he will try any possible tactic to wheedle out of it or make you believe that it's all in your head. You have however seen the evidence with your own eyes.

Stay firm. Remember your worth.

AnyFucker Mon 25-Jan-16 11:40:33

He is the one without worth, not you

You are not the one at fault, he is

PeppermintPasty Mon 25-Jan-16 11:51:34

Keep talking on here, it sounds as if he will try to play you and attempt to make you disbelieve the evidence of your own eyes. Don't let him hoodwink you. You are not the one in the wrong.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 25-Jan-16 11:57:56

They ALL swear on their kids life.
They really do.
Been there got the t-shirt along with so many on here.

You KNOW the truth.
You KNOW you are worth more than this lying cheating prick.

Get rid, as I'm sure there's more to him (in a bad way) than just this!?

mintoil Mon 25-Jan-16 12:02:59

Oh yes, I had one who swore on our DC life that he hadn't been shagging around. It was staggering and it absolutely is the cheaters script.

Give it a few days, he will admit they kissed once, then she gave him a BJ, then they had full sex just the once. It's so bloody predictable.

What is your housing situation? Can you just pack up his stuff and throw him out? Would you prefer to do the leaving?

You don't need evidence to end this relationship - although you have seen it.

Jan45 Mon 25-Jan-16 12:07:39

Well if ever you needed proof you have it, no matter how many lies he spins you - he's already admitted it, just not to you!

Please get rid, he's not worth having and you are worth more than this, you must know that yourself.

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