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am I being unreasonable?

(13 Posts)
charleneralston26 Sun 24-Jan-16 23:12:33

wee bit of background ex walked out 3 weeks ago on me (34 weeks pregnant now) and our 2 year old!
turns out for ow he was having an emotional affair with before we separated!
any he was supposed to let me know last week about when he was off next week to sort out mediation, him having out son and also so he can empty his stuff from our room so I can book a van to move it back to my parents! he was supposed to do this on Friday when he was in work but he never so I didn't contact him (trying this whole NC thing because I still love him waiting on him to text me) then yesterday he text about seeing our son (nothing about mediation which we have to do because all we end up doing is arguing and never get anywhere).

he asked to have him Tuesday Wednesday Thursday and I asked well are you working those days? he basically told me it's none of my business wether he is working or not! which i feel it is because if he takes our son to his mums is my son actually getting to spend time with him or will it be with his nanna? I feel like my son should be spending 1on1 time with him as he's not seeing him as much! well any way turns out he is nightshift on 2 of the nights so will be sleeping during the day so I said why can't you take him on yor days off and he said well I need to have a life as well! so I said he wasn't getting him on the days he was working because it's not fair on out child! now he is saying he's going for custody as I'm stoping him seeing his child because he is working?
am i being unreasonable or what I just don't see the point in him taking our son if he is only spending 3-4 hours with him and the rest is with his nanna?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 24-Jan-16 23:26:00

Plenty of parents 'have their child' but have to place them in childcare whilst they work

That's normal

Do you spend every single moment with him then?

charleneralston26 Sun 24-Jan-16 23:33:48

I get placing them into child care but what I don't get it why would you ask for them on the days you are working when they will have to be given to someone else? especially when you get 3-4 days off a week! why wouldn't you want them on your days off??
other than when my son is at his dads yes I am with him 24/7! or when I was working (now on mat leave) I had him every day I wasn't working!

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 24-Jan-16 23:36:14

He won't be sleeping all day, he will have time to see his son. Extended family is a bonus for him too

Court route is no picnic, but he will get what he wants if that's where it ends up.

charleneralston26 Sun 24-Jan-16 23:39:12

yes he will see him for 3-4 hours I don't think that's fair on the little man right now maybe when it's all settled and not such a new thing yes but right now i don't think it's fair on him.

VioletRoller Sun 24-Jan-16 23:44:57

I see what you mean. Would irritate me as well. It's as though he wants to appear to be a good dad without actually doing it.

My own ex-dp has no contact with his wee baby daughter (he needs his time and money for new girl friend and band ha) but it suits me - if he did ^ that I would be very angry.

In my experience they don't want to admit to others and would rather lie through their teeth and say you aren't allowing contact.

VioletRoller Sun 24-Jan-16 23:47:13

I do think it's unreasonable not to use any of your 3-4 days off a week to spend time with your son.

charleneralston26 Sun 24-Jan-16 23:50:03

when he has my son he is a good dad I would never say otherwise.
but I just think that my son has had this massive upheaval in the past 3 weeks that we both should be doing as much as we can to make it easier on him. if he is taken away from his mum to spend 3-4 hours with his dad then be left with his nanna surely that's not good for him right now?
I just feel like he's not a parcel he should be both of our main priorities right now!
our life's should be around him and making sure he is okay not he is worked around our social life's?

VioletRoller Sun 24-Jan-16 23:52:01

It is important to have your own life (that goes for you too x) but 4 days? Away on! Lol

charleneralston26 Sun 24-Jan-16 23:56:23

yes I agree have your own life etc etc but I really think that 1 day to yourself is enough. but then even right now with all the other decisions and stuff needing done my days aren't to myself because I have been left to deal with everything from the house/making sure new baby is organized/trying to organize mediation and what not!
I'm afraid to me 3 weeks after you walk out on your family you shouldn't really be thinking about yourself you should be thinking about how to make it easier on your children!

VioletRoller Mon 25-Jan-16 00:37:51

I completely agree Char. I hope he wises up soon. X

eleanoralice1 Mon 25-Jan-16 00:44:03

Agree with Violetroller, he wants to be seen as a loving father as opposed to a cheating arse! I don't think your being unreasonable, how will your little one be when he finds out time spent with the Father is just him sleeping and being fobbed off. Sounds like he wants his time off for his bit on the side. Hope you're okay X

WalkingBlind Mon 25-Jan-16 02:57:45

Could have written this about my DD's dad! He choses to have her when he's working and he does sleep all day, he also goes on nights out and then leaves her with his parents the whole time (2 overnights and half a day).

We've already been through court and you can't prevent when he choses to use childcare which kills me because if she's not with him I'd rather she was with me! No-one needs to see their grandparents that much sad I don't work so I just miss her massively. If he'd just let me have her while he's working instead of them we'd have a much better relationship.

I was most annoyed he did it on New Years Eve. I started the New Year without her (I got Xmas) and he was out on the drink! I feel for you I really do flowers

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