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Can you really find genuine relationships from OLD?

(79 Posts)
honeyJD Sun 24-Jan-16 11:19:10

I've been single for six months, I don't get out much as I'm a full time working mum with not a lot of time/money spare to really meet anyone. I'm 29 and want an actual relationship, I don't want just sex/casual dating or a disposable relationship.
Everyone's been swerving me away from the likes of POF saying I'll just meet married/desperate/horny men and not the sort of man I'm looking for. But where AM I going to meet someone then confused

Basically has anyone actually found someone decent and non desperate from POF who wants a serious relationship?

pocketsaviour Sun 24-Jan-16 11:28:18

POF is a bit of a cesspit IME but OKC, Match etc are better.

Trills Sun 24-Jan-16 11:29:49

You're as likely or unlikely to meet someone who wants a relationship on online dating as you are anywhere else.

Who is this "everyone" who is steering you away? I'd bet it's people who have never used online dating.

There are a lot of people who just want casual sex, but once you've trained your filters you can usually spot the obvious time-wasters. (you're then left with the non-obvious ones, but again this is just like any other circumstance where you might meet someone)

slicedfinger Sun 24-Jan-16 11:32:02

My best friend met her DH on Match. DHs oldest friend met his wife in the Guardian small ads. It does happen!

TopOfTheCliff Sun 24-Jan-16 11:32:58

Yes! I did
Five years ago I started chatting to a man on POF
Two months later we went for a drink.
Now we live together in a crazy big house with too many bicycles but room for all our DC when they are around. We have fun and eat cake and life is good! He is as surprised as I am.

Xenadog Sun 24-Jan-16 11:32:59

You can have a good relationship come from OLD (I have and so have lots of friends) but I would say that POF and other free sites do attract more than their fair share of dodgy characters.

I met DP on eharmony and liked the fact it want millions of profiles for me to wade through.

SoleBizzz Sun 24-Jan-16 11:34:08

It does happen but not for me. It is rare. Most men are messed up online.

JohnLuther Sun 24-Jan-16 11:39:02

Of course you can, I met my wife online.

Whoknewitcouldbeso Sun 24-Jan-16 11:48:08

'Fraid so ☺️

I have had two monogamous, significant relationships through POF. Currently engaged to number two and expecting DS2 in a few weeks.

niceupthedance Sun 24-Jan-16 11:50:47

Another success story here, but my god getting there was painful. Mine was from tinder.

VintageTrouble Sun 24-Jan-16 11:52:59

I'm married to my date from Match grin 10 years now and 3 DC...

I had a couple of short lived relationships from OLD before that, and I know one of my ex's married a girl he met after me on OLD so there are the happy endings out there.

BassAce Sun 24-Jan-16 11:54:04

I met my current DP on POF. In fairness, both of us went on there at the time looking for something casual as neither of us felt in the place for an actual relationship. 18 months later our 'one night stand' is still going strong, we're talking about moving in together and blending all four of our kids into one enormous family.

So it certainly can work. Even when you are two cynical buggers just shy of 40 and with two young kids in tow each, and utterly convinced you're not looking for love at all.... keep the faith.

grobagsforever Sun 24-Jan-16 12:00:10

I struck very lucky with OLD - coming up to six months with a lovely guy who I met on my second ever online date! I am also a full time working mum (I have my two small children 100 percent of the time).

Not introduced any of respective children yet - but I feel like I've met a real adult who I could navigate those challenges with.

JapanNextYear Sun 24-Jan-16 12:01:19

My mate, in her late 30s met a great bloke OLD, been together years now. He's a bit alternative, and she probably wouldn't have met him otherwise, and it's worked out really well. She had to kiss a few frogs first...but I think we all do that, no matter how you meet them!

grobagsforever Sun 24-Jan-16 12:01:43

I'm in my thirties btw. I only messaged men with kids I needed someone who really understood the challenges of dating with small kids and who would understand the need for a slow pace.

Lozislovely Sun 24-Jan-16 12:08:15

Another success here, my one and only date from POF led to me meeting my now DH who lived literally 5 mins away!

I had been online for 2 months, dismissed loads of weirdos, had a few funny conversations here and there. I was, I guess, adamant about what I was looking for, having come out of a disastrous 20 year relationship that thought me what I certainly didn't want in a man!!!

DH had signed back up on the day he messaged me after being single for a year, we chatted, met 3 days later and the rest is history!

MooseAndSquirrel Sun 24-Jan-16 12:08:46

I'm yet to have much luck, but my best mate met her lovely now husband on pof - it does happen, just think its about luck and preserving!
She tells me all the time to just go on loads of dates, as you never know I'm rather picky who ill use a kid free night on!
Just enjoy the weirness, take it all with a pinch of salt and you never know - your next first date maybe your last! Also, I'm not weird, lots of mates who use it aren't weird assuming op is normal too so there has to be lots of other non weird people on there too!!?

disclaimer I only believe what I'm told to hold out hope, or id of given up on the cess pool of old a while ago!

Whoknewitcouldbeso Sun 24-Jan-16 12:22:59

My advice would be to avoid the guys who have a stream of short term relationships, have misogonistic crap on their profile or pedantry about grammar etc (ie sound like grumpy arseholes), seems to spend all their time with a gaggle of man children getting pissed all weekend or at some hobby that eats up every bit of spare time.

DPs profile was short and very sweet. You could just tell he wanted another long term relationship, he had left a 14 year relationship one year previously and was just a proper grown up. No baggage at all, he had only been on the site a few weeks before I grabbed him and that was that.

Mrskeats Sun 24-Jan-16 12:27:40

Yes met dp been together 9 months

abbsismyhero Sun 24-Jan-16 12:29:34

avoid the ones who only use penis shots on there profile im guessing they just want sex

saffynool Sun 24-Jan-16 13:27:47

Yes, have been with my lovely dp for almost 5 years now and this morning we had a little chat over the bacon sandwiches about when we might get married smile

I was in my late thirties when we met, worked fulltime, studied part time, and had dc. I'd been OLD for a good while, on and off, met some nice guys, met some chancers. Just like I would have done offline.

I only ever used paid-for sites though. I know it doesn't guarantee success but it does weed out some of the less-serious men. Some of them! Wouldn't touch POF with a barge pole, but that's just personal preference.

And, I would say, be really honest and 'yourself' in your profile. If you want a serious, long-term relationship, say so.

Keeptrudging Sun 24-Jan-16 13:34:41

Met my DH on POF - he was my one and only date. I'd been on the site a few weeks, had a few chats with people, got some very weird messages and was ready to pack it all in/stay single forever. Had a moment of madness/bravery, pressed the 'Perfect match' button, his profile appeared and I recklessly sent him a message. He's a lovely, wonderful man, we're now very happily married and he is indeed my perfect match!

UrsulaBuffay Sun 24-Jan-16 13:39:42

I have smile

Sn0tnose Sun 24-Jan-16 13:45:07

I met three men old.

The first was a lying, cheating arse who continued to use the site after we'd agreed to be exclusive. The second was a lovely man but not right for me. We're still friends though. The third is sitting next to me reading the Sunday papers and we're very happily married. It can definitely work, but there are a lot of very strange people out there!

Paddletonio Sun 24-Jan-16 13:45:21

I met my DP on POF! There are a lot of awful profiles there but some gems among them. He was on the site as his best friend recommended it as he met his wife there. There definitely are people there who want a real relationship though you do have to wade through a lot of time wasters too. I can't believe my luck that I met someone so perfect for me on POF and I've never felt so loved and content in my relationship smile

Give it a go, go in with no tolerance for time wasters and bull shitters but do go on plenty of dates with those who look like they could be a fit as you just never know!

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