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Am I making too much of this? sorry may be tmi...

(165 Posts)
HashTagYesYes Sun 24-Jan-16 08:49:34

I have been seeing a guy for a few months. In general he is quite affectionate and tactile which is fine, but I don't like it when he uses a very "light" touch, I find it tickly and annoying I have told him this several times, but he still insists on doing it, and actually seems to do it on purpose as he thinks it's funny to wind me up. It's starting to piss me off now.

In bed he is usually great - very unselfish and skilled. blushHowever this morning he had ahem been stimulating me manually and brought me to orgasm. I thought it was pretty obvious that I had come but he carried on so I attempted to push his hand away, however he carried on. (He is 6'4" and strong) he then moved me into a different position and I thought perhaps we were going to have sex, but again he continued rubbing away and tbh it was uncomfortable and I really didn't like it. So I told him to stop another couple of times but he had me held quite tightly so I shouted for him to stop and heaved him off me so that he was in no doubt, he then tried to move me into a position to have sex but I wriggled out from underneath him and said no I didn't want to, and he stopped trying. I rolled over and lay there in silence and we have gone about our day as if nothing has happened.

I am wondering wtf did happen? He is meant to be meeting my dd this afternoon for the first time, but I don't know wtf to do now... Am I overreacting?

GloriaHotcakes Sun 24-Jan-16 08:51:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HopefulHamster Sun 24-Jan-16 08:54:26

Considering he almost raped you and certainly carried on with actions against your consent, ignoring what happened is worrying. I wouldn't introduce him, I'd bin him.

Easy to say but he should be trying to impress you at this point, not force stuff upon you that you're not enjoying, especially as it sounded more like a power kick than anything else. What would be the next level of that?

I have heard the tickling thing before on here. You're not alone in not liking it or in men pretending they don't know why.

FriendofBill Sun 24-Jan-16 08:55:09

He is ignoring your boundaries.
Sounds creepy.

Follow your intuition and don't introduce him.

RudeElf Sun 24-Jan-16 08:56:32

Oh wow! No way would i be having him back in my bed! You were giving extremely clear signals which he ignored, because he wanted to carry on. Now lets think about the purpose of what he was doing, its intention is to bring you pleasure, yet when you said it wasnt he continued. So was he getting pleasure out of (kidding himself that he was) pleasuring you against your will. This reminds me of the "she says no but she means yes so just do it anyway". Was he hoping you would come again and be full of gratitude to him for making you stick with it?

HashTagYesYes Sun 24-Jan-16 08:58:41

Interestingly my daughter likes to tickle and stroke me, and when it gets annoying and I want her to stop, I explain to her that everyone has the right to tell somebody to stop if they don't like someone doing something to them, in the same way that she has a right to tell somebody to stop if they are doing something she doesn't like.

Weird that a 5 year old can get it but he doesn't...

HopefulHamster Sun 24-Jan-16 09:00:51

Just shows he can get it but is choosing not to.

HashTagYesYes Sun 24-Jan-16 09:01:43

I have just remembered when he finally got the message after I had shouted stop, he said "why?" And I said because I had come and it was sensitive

HashTagYesYes Sun 24-Jan-16 09:04:26

Don't know why I should have had to explain myself

RudeElf Sun 24-Jan-16 09:07:08

You dont have to. "Stop" is enough for men who respect their partners. There are plenty of them around, you dont need to compromise your boundaries for this man.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 24-Jan-16 09:11:47

Get rid pdq - next time you'll be on edge wondering if it will happen again, so you won't be able to relax and there will be no enjoyment at all - what a complete idiot he is

TheVeganVagina Sun 24-Jan-16 09:15:23

I would put off him meeting your dd for now.
Were you scared at all?
Im only asking as you mentioned his size.
Are you ok? flowers

QuietWhenReading Sun 24-Jan-16 09:19:01

I wouldn't be able to trust him in bed ever again I don't think.

I'd cancel the meeting.

flowers

Throwingshade Sun 24-Jan-16 09:19:41

Don't ignore this! You were not comfortable, it's worried you, it felt wrong. Please don't just hope it won't happen again. It, of course, will in some way or another. He's either abusive or very very thick skinned. Either way, not partner material.

HashTagYesYes Sun 24-Jan-16 09:21:12

It's going to be really difficult for him not to meet dd now. I am off work and he is staying with me til we go away together next wednesday. Dd is back from her dad's tonight. I had put off him meeting her until I was sure. Now I feel like an idiot.

Scared? Maybe. He is always quite dominant in bed and physically quite big and strong and I did kinda like that until now... I am ok though.

Throwingshade Sun 24-Jan-16 09:23:23

It's not going to be difficult for him not to meet your daughter - just tell him it's over.

Have you got RL friend to be with you if you feel threatened or just nervous doing this? Even to answer 'maybe' to 'are you scared?' is an ENORMOUS red flag.

You really mustn't introduce him to your dd.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 24-Jan-16 09:23:32

In your situation he wouldn't be staying and we wouldn't be going away - it would be the end, no further discussion

Snapespeare Sun 24-Jan-16 09:25:18

It isn't 'really difficult' for him not to meet DD, you just ask him to leave because he didn't respect you saying 'no' in bed. It's actually quite simple.

DoreenLethal Sun 24-Jan-16 09:28:23

Please use this information and end this relationship.

If he does this now, think how he will walk over your wishes forever more.

timelytess Sun 24-Jan-16 09:28:43

For goodness sake, why introduce a man who won't listen to you when you have sex to your daughter?

category12 Sun 24-Jan-16 09:29:29

I think you should dump him right now.

It's serious. Ignoring your no, your stop, using his size to continue... That's rapey. That ends in rape.

Ask him to leave. End it. It only gets worse from here.

Buttercup443 Sun 24-Jan-16 09:31:57

What others have said. I would definitely not introduce him and mess up your DD by getting her to know a partner who doesn't respect her mum!

Are you going away far or remote with him?
I'd be uncomfortable going away with someone who overpowers me and doesn't respect my wishes.

DoreenLethal Sun 24-Jan-16 09:34:37

I agree. Strength is only good when it is to protect you and your daughter.

Imagine him being in charge of her and forcing her to do something against her will or using that strength to stop her doing something.

TheStoic Sun 24-Jan-16 09:34:40

It's actually quite simple

It really is.

As for your relationship, you have 3 options:

1. Dump him
2. Lay down your boundaries now in no uncertain terms, with no second chances or room for 'misunderstandings'
3. Pretend this didn't happen, and live with the anxiety that next time he may not stop at all.

Honestly, I'd be choosing option number 1. Either he is as thick as a plank, or he thinks your body is his to do whatever he wants with.

ChishandFips33 Sun 24-Jan-16 09:35:04

Please think carefully before you continue in to this relationship. His actions were not out of care or consideration for you.

Your next post on MN in 6 months time could be very different.

If you're finding it hard to kick him in to touch now, in 6 months you'll find it much harder and your daughter will be affected too.

Keep strong

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