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Can we have another 'worst internet date' thread?

(135 Posts)
ScrambledEggAndToast Sun 24-Jan-16 07:25:37

I've got a couple, although mine are nowhere near as outrageous as some I've heard of.

One was 'Bridge Man'. He was really short and spent an hour (possibly more as I may have nodded off) talking about bridges.

Anther was a guy I met for coffee who, as soon I walked in, I knew we wouldn't be suited. Anyway, I was already sat down facing forwards, he sat in his chair, leaning back, legs crossed but the main thing was he never once made eye contact. Plus he only talked about himself.

Oh and, the other was when he suggested going for a drink. We went for a walk first (how romantic I thought) then he produced 1 can of Fanta for us to share. That was our drink confused

Thankfully, I have a lovely DP now so no more of this malarkey but love to hear all the tales. I did OLD for years!

lampshady Sun 24-Jan-16 07:32:49

I had one in a cafe where they had board games. Family cafe, lots of, erm, families.

My date chose Jenga. He beat me, stood up and shouted, "IN YOUR FACE!! 'Ave that! You're going DOWWWWWN."

In front of everyone. I went bright red, told him he could clear up and left. Christ, just the memory makes me blush.

Gunting Sun 24-Jan-16 08:10:03

I'm 5'8 and turned up to the date in my heels.

The man was 5'2 despite saying he was 6' on his profile. grin

We looked completely ridiculous and he felt very awkward due to me bring almost a foot taller.

He then attempted to kiss me at the end and couldn't reach high enough. Argh the whole thing makes me cringe even now.

GloriaHotcakes Sun 24-Jan-16 08:11:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooSassy Sun 24-Jan-16 08:13:32

Marking my place. Don't have any (yet). Give it time I'm sure I will eventually. wink

PixieChops Sun 24-Jan-16 08:18:07

Not got any but shamelessly place marking. I've kind of only had dates/ had relationships with either friends or acquaintances I've gotten to know over time. I'm engaged now but to be fair my now DP can be embarrassing full stop.

ScrambledEggAndToast Sun 24-Jan-16 08:19:17

Come on MNers, more please!

Ooh, got another one. Can't believe I forgot this one! One date said that he had tickets for a show. I thought it might be cool as we had both said we liked comedy so I wondered whether it would be that. It was his daughter's nativity play shockshock

ThreeFrazzledFandangos Sun 24-Jan-16 08:25:00

Hahaha at nativity play! WTF?

I went on one towards the end of last year and his photo had been kind to him to say the least. He was probably about 10 years older IRL.

We had coffee and he barely spoke. It was like pulling teeth. I was too embarrassed to pull the panic cord and end it there so we went on to watch Spectre.

Two minutes in I realised he honked of dog. It was coming off him in waves. I sat as far away from him as I could in my seat and legged it after the film.

ChipInTheSugar Sun 24-Jan-16 08:25:12

First (and only) date with a guy who took me to a Spice social evening confused. He brought a cake that he had "put a lot of himself into" shock

Another first date, had a drink in the sunshine, and when we had a quick kiss, he took my hand and put it on his bulging trousers, saying "look what you've done to me" blush.

cariadisnaehappy Sun 24-Jan-16 08:58:16

So many bad ones....stand out had to be first date with a guy, he suggested meeting in a park at lunchtime (very busy park so fine). Went along and he's there in full football strip, with ball, wanting a kickabout. Oh and he was in his 40s. confused

Custard314 Sun 24-Jan-16 09:04:26

.

Roobix04 Sun 24-Jan-16 09:06:17

Love these threads.

MissPiggyseeksfrogwithGSOH Sun 24-Jan-16 09:16:58

I've been relatively lucky. Worst dates included a man who seemed to have anorexia. A man who in November 2015 told me about his x's ivf I asked ''when was this?'' thinking he'd say 2010 or something. He said ''February''.

Cloppysow Sun 24-Jan-16 09:24:28

I met a guy online and saw him for a few months. He was obsessed with rendering. We'd be walking along then i'd realise he wasn't with me any more. I'd look back and he'd have his face right up against a wall inspecting the render.

ShitFacedTinyTim Sun 24-Jan-16 09:30:50

OH MY GOD. scrambledegg I think I too had an encounter with bridge man!! Before I met DH I was on Match.com and had one guy send me an essay about the construction of suspension bridges?! (Just to clarify, this man is not now the DH in question... grin)

MissPiggyseeksfrogwithGSOH Sun 24-Jan-16 09:30:55

My worst date was with a very pompous pilot. It doesn't sound that bad typed but he had three gross spots on his neck, coughed the way through the date, didn't drink alcohol. He told me he'd ''always been a bit special". I had to have two glasses of wine. Early on I thought, fuck it, won't be seeing you again. He only briefly looked animated when he noticed the music in the restaurant I'd chosen was live. I knew he was planning to bring somebody more abstemious and more in awe of his good self back there. He was also 8 years older than me but had this entitled air about him like he found me a disappointment! He reprimanded me slightly for wearing sunglasses in my photo (one of four). His own one photo was a publicity shot for work. When he was coughing incessantly i asked if he had asthma and he crisply informed me that he couldn't fly across that atlantic if he had asthma. When we got out of the restaurant I was going to pull the cord in my back and say ''nice to have met you'' but he came out with some bullshit about calling me and then RAN.
So that was my worst date really. Not a pervert, loser, alcoholic or a lunatic! he was polite, dressed like he had his own tailor, talkative, generous and yet there was an unpleasantness about him that was palpable.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Sun 24-Jan-16 13:03:30

MissPiggy does his name begin with R? If not there are two men (at least) like this lose in the world!!

pocketsaviour Sun 24-Jan-16 13:09:52

Chip
He brought a cake that he had "put a lot of himself into"

I'm almost afraid to ask... do you mean he'd put some of his "man batter" into the cake mix?!

Crossing my fingers he was just a sadly over-invested baker!

Oysterbabe Sun 24-Jan-16 14:05:30

www.amazon.co.uk/Natural-Harvest-collection-semen-based-recipes/dp/1481227041
Something from this?

DraenorQueen Sun 24-Jan-16 14:12:59

When I was in my early 20's I went on a date with a man who looked lovely on his Match profile but predictably, looked nothing like that in real life. A good ten years older. Sod it, I thought, a drink won't hurt.
Well GOD could he talk?! I literally couldn't get a word in edgeways and it was utterly tedious drivel relating to his dismal work.

I think he sensed I was quite pissed after a bit so he decided to liven up the atmosphere by talking like Yoda. A lot. sad

abbsismyhero Sun 24-Jan-16 14:13:20

OYSTER! (iwillnotclickthatsgrim) grin

Destinysdaughter Sun 24-Jan-16 14:13:35

Love these stories! I had a date with a man recently who texted me to ask me what I'd like to drink. I said a white wine. I got there and he'd bought me my own bottle! shock
He had a carrier bag with him that he thrust at me and in it was a plastic Venetian mask. He was a bit odd, didn't smile much and when I asked why his last long term relationship had ended he said it was because his ex's daughter had tried to poison him! God, I needed that bottle of wine...

DraenorQueen Sun 24-Jan-16 14:14:48

*pissed off, not pissed!!

Ohdearohdearme Sun 24-Jan-16 14:46:23

Oh god, where do I start?

1) Utterly full of himself lawyer who fired questions at me non-stop. When I told him it felt more like I was in court than on a date, he said, completely seriously, "I see it more like an interview, the job role being Wife." He then went on to badmouth his ex, saying that he had "settled for her", was now on the lookout for an upgrade, but if he didn't find one within 5 years, would settle again because he wanted "offspring." He then claimed that disabled people were a waste of space and should be euthanised because they contributed nothing to society and said he could tell I didn't have kids because I "still had an ok figure." When I told him that my mum actually had a better figure than me, he asked for her number! He went to the toilet and I walked out.

2) Totally unhinged 30-something year old virgin who spent our date talking to me about how he planned to become a male prostitute to pay for his uni fees. Asked me what my favourite album was and when I told him it was Jeff Buckley's "Grace" he said, "that was the album I listened to on my headphones when I went out into the woods with a knife to psyche myself up to commit suicide." I couldn't get away from him fast enough.

3) Was going fairly well until 3rd date when he said (quote) "I like a variety of different cunts, you can be my Monday girl". Er, yeah. What an irresistible proposal. I told him it was clear to me that he wasn't in the right headspace for a relationship, especially with me. For several months after that I'd receive late night undoubtedly drunken texts professing his undying love??!

4) Appeared charming and attentive and first, but after I refused to sleep with him on the second date, he said with utter indignation: "But I bought you dinner!" I replied, "It feels rushed." To which he said, "Isn't sex supposed to feel rushed?" Strangely enough, I didn't see him again.

5) This man pushed back the time of our date at the last minute because of an "emergency" Drs appointment" I'd already travelled to his city meet him at this point, so ended up waiting around for 2 hours, then he was a further 30 mins late with no explanation. I was just about to leave when he showed up with makeup on one side of his face, but not the other (??!) When I asked him if he was ok, he said he'd been to the Drs because he'd drank alcohol for 2 nights in a row, which he'd never done before, and he wanted to make sure he was ok (??!) I went to the toilet, phoned a friend and asked her to ring me back with a fake reason why I had to leave immediately. The reason she gave? "There's blood on your front door!" FFS, of all the things she could have said! I made a swift exit, but obviously he didn't buy it because later that evening I received an email saying: "How extraordinarily rude!"

I am relieved to say that shortly after this I met my now DH through Match.com - 5 years on I can look back and laugh about all my dating disasters!

hefzi Sun 24-Jan-16 14:58:27

Back in the infancy of OLD, I had a date to meet a guy at a cafe: I was a bit early, so every person who came in, I was checking out to see if it was my date. I was a bit shocked when an elderly gentleman approached me, beaming, and assumed it was just a random nutter. It turned out that he had used his grandson's picture and details, because he thought he'd get more interest from 20-somethings like that!

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