Pregnant and no longer in love with the father.

[HappyPineapple]

Hi, will try not to make this too long winded but I guess it will be.

I am currently 6 weeks pregnant with my partners baby. We had an unplanned pregnancy back in June which I unfortunately lost in September. It was a traumatic miscarriage which left me in hospital for 3 days and 7 weeks worth of constant bleeding thereafter. It left me in tatters. Unfortunately since then our relationship has been left in the same way.

I have a mental illness, have always known something wasnt quite right and that it was more than depression and anxiety - but since reading up and doing alot of research I am 99% sure I have this and it has been undiagnosed for so long. I havent got the courage to see my gp just yet for fear of my children being taken away from me or SS being involved. I believe I am of no risk to my children. They are my world and what keeps me going through all the shit life throws at us.

As previously stated, I am now 6 weeks pregnant. Through carelessness on both sides during Christmas. I dont know how to feel. I have in the last week had a massive episode - suicidal thoughts, feeling completely lost and unstable. Also during the latter part of the week I have been even more run down with a heavy cold and all day sickness. I just havent been with it this week. My partner and I dont live together but live close (as in a 2 minute walk). I moved from a house I loved to be closer to him when we were expecting the baby I lost. It was a rental opportunity from my landlord that although I didnt want to take as my gut said no, I went along with it as it seemed like the best option with a baby on the way - turns out the house is a nightmare but that is a whole new thread!

Anyway, my partner knows of my mental illness. He knows of all the events that have led to it and the triggers. I believe this has been my worst episode to date. He hasnt called, text or visited all week after confiding in him exactly how I felt. He has just left me to it despite knowing just how much I have been struggling. I saw him for the first time this evening - he masked collecting a game console from mine as wanting to pop in and see me. There was no affection, a stiff hug and heated conversation after I asked why he has his layabout nephew dossing at his smoking weed all day again for the 5th or so time in the past year.

He never asked if I was ok or how I am feeling. After 10 mins or so I just wanted him gone and made my excuses of putting the children to bed.

I dont think I love him anymore. How could he leave me to battle through this week alone? Ive had enough of the added pressure of him ontop of the crap im already dragged down with. But I am carrying his baby. What on earth do i do?

Sorry its so long.

[Morganly]

I think you need some help with everything you are dealing with, particularly if you are having suicidal thoughts. If your children are your world, you owe it to them to get yourself stable for them. Your GP and social services will help you with this. Everyone panics and thinks social services will take their children away at the drop of a hat but they really really don't. It is highly likely that a bit of medication and some support from a social worker will make a huge difference to how you are feeling and coping.

The issue with your partner seems like the least of your issues really. His nephew and his weed habit should be even less important. Seriously, concentrate on yourself and your children and don't get sidetracked by stuff that is nothing to do with you. Your partner is probably out of his depth dealing with your mental health issues. Don't rely on him. Get some professional help.

[CozyLinusBlanket]

Do you know if you want the pregnancy or not?

You don't give much of a clue as to your personal beliefs and I don't want to offend you, but at six weeks, it would be pretty easy to terminate the pregnancy if you wanted to.

If you do want the pregnancy, and you don't want to continue in a relationship with the father, then you need to think about the logistics of that. Will he want to co-parent, will he help financially support his child, etc, etc.

[sugarsinner]

You always have the option to terminate as it's so early. If not, then seek medical help for your mental health asap. Why did you not move in with your partner on learning you were pregnant or he move in with you? Have you not been together long?

[HappyPineapple]

Been together 2 years. Couldnt move in just yet because of financial ties to his property. Thanks for the advice so far, will take the plunge and get an appointment.

[HappyPineapple]

Appointment for the gp i mean...i dont think i can terminate my child.